Thursday, March 12, 2009

Mistake #37 You're Hot and You're Cold, You're Yes and You're No by DS


In this post we will explore the crippling trait of indecision. The fact of the matter is that the majority of us are indecisive. This is a trait that affects all of us, men and women. Herbert Hoover, former President of the United States of America, once said "My view of Heaven is of a place where no one ever has to make a decision." George W Bush, another former President of the United States, said "People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that."


Decisive people stand out from the crowd. Decisiveness is a powerful differentiator, one that can be especially helpful for women living in areas where the women outnumber the men (Author's Note: At this moment every female who is reading this is thinking "That's me! I live in an area like that!" I don't think I've ever lived in a place where the women think there is an equal ratio. They always claim it's at LEAST 2:1 or 3:1… But every time I gaze around in Sacrament Meeting, it looks pretty evenly split to me. Sounds like an excuse...). Let's walk through some familiar scenarios and analyze good approaches.


Decision #1: The Entrée


Ladies, picking an entrée at dinner is not a very difficult decision. Your meal will last approximately 1 hour. Dinner generally occurs at the beginning of a date and can set the tone for the entire evening. No guy wants to wait 20 minutes for you to pick out what you want to eat. This is where you probably want to pay close attention to the cues your date is sending. If he decides right away, try and pick something quickly. If he's taking forever, it's a good opportunity for you to impress him with your decisiveness.


Decisiveness can be a two-edged sword, however. Women have a habit of substituting things when they order food. It's as if they can't just order the "stock" version of the dish. They'll order the Three Cheese Chicken Penne pasta from Applebee's but ask to replace the mozzarella with sharp cheddar, the penne with bowtie, and the alfredo sauce with marinara. Whoa there tiger. Calm down.


Decision #2: The Movie*


One would think that movie selection would not be the arduous process it is today. Yeah, we've received some pretty strict guidance that eliminates 63% of movies in existence. It sounds something like this: "Do not attend, view, or participate in entertainment that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in entertainment that in any way presents immorality or violent behavior as acceptable." But that still leaves 37%.


The irony is that when you get to Blockbuster, you can't think of anything to rent. But when you're sitting at home watching TV or previews for other movies, you're always making mental notes of films you want to see. So why don't we bridge that gap and take care of your indecision problem at the same time? When you hear about a movie you'd like to see, write it down somewhere. Make a list on your BlackBerry Pearl or a note on your iPhone. And next time you head to the movie store, you'll be able to say "I've been wanting to see…". You'll be an instant hero.


Decision #3: The Open Question


"So… what do you want to do tonight?"** Familiar question? I bet you can guess the familiar answer: "I don't know." Or we could twist it around a bit and ask "Where do you want to eat?" "I don't care." It seems like apathy is everywhere these days. That's precisely the reason why decisive people are so refreshing. Take charge. Check out one of those event websites that tells you everything that's going on that weekend. Pull out the latest copy of Schooled magazine and look at the calendar. Oh, and have you ever heard of Zagat? How about UrbanSpoon?


Maybe you don't feel comfortable choosing an activity or restaurant for the entire group. That's fine. You can still be decisive by contributing to the solution. If you're picking a restaurant, say "I'm in the mood for Thai or Italian." The group is now a tiny step closer to making a decision. Well done.


Try it out. And then come back to WMGSS and post a comment letting us know how it went. Beneath the sarcasm and stereotyping, we really do care. Sort of.


*Gentlemen, please do not combine Decision #1 with Decision #2. It makes for a pretty lame date.

**Ladies, if a guy ever asks you this question on a date, tell him you'd like him to take you home. He's pathetic. But if you're just hanging out, it's an opportunity for you to shine.

29 comments:

  1. HaHa...so true...I can say I have been one of those indecisive peeps, when I look back at my most recent date....
    Thanks for the heads up...next date I will be decisive....who knows when that will be...ha...
    Great blog guys!

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  2. *palmface* crap. I do that all the time. It's annoying.

    ok... so if i go on a date and the guy doesnt have the place picked out i get frustrated. because it is his decision, i mean he asked ME.


    lamespice date. oh well. GOOD POST! LOVED IT!

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  3. i didn't realize how much i subsitute things at restaurants until....now...

    maybe bush should have been a little more indecisive before he decided to screw over our country...ha, ha

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  4. I have a hunch that next week there will be a new post whining about how girls are too bossy on dates.

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  5. this is the most accurate post you've written! way to finally write something malice-free but funny!! i think i hate you a little less today...

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  6. This wasn't very interesting... I want some more malice!!!

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  7. haha i love that people who "hate" this blog still read it and post comments! haha i think this is great...and i probably should try and not be so indecisive! LOVE!!

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  8. ha a dinner date earlier in the week and we hadn't seen each other in a while so we spent the while catching up. the waitress came back 3 times before we opened our menu. i felt bad even opening it while he was talking so as to not be indecisive... but i picked quickly... Sign up for emails from GOLDSTAR Events - they'll give you discounts and last minute ideas in major metro areas (not utah)

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  9. So a decisive girl is free to say Ruby River if he asks her what she wants to eat? Obviously this would not be the first date, we've already established we can carry the yoke of a conversation equally.

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  10. Agree all around. Suggestion to indecisive girls: it's obvious that you're not all flaky. You're probably just a please-all who doesn't want to disappoint with your suggestion. So, give a few options. Go beyond even "I'm in the mood for Italian." Say something like, "I could go for (restaurant you know you like where there's something on the menu you already know you want), (restaurant you know you like where there's something on the menu you already know you want), or (restaurant you know you like where there's something on the menu you already know you want). Any of those sound good to you?"

    If he says no, you now know that you cannot date this person any further. He's bound to say yes to one of them. He's happy that he's made you happy and you've come off as a pleasant mix of decisive and not-bossy. Good for you.

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  11. First off I love this blog and find it to contain great advice for lovely young lds ladies. Secondly being decisive can be a tricky business. A girl must be decisive and confident but not head strong and domineering...A balance is needed. Oh the lines we are called to walk! haha Good stuff DS!

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  12. Ummm...you lost me at Applebees.

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  13. I've never read this before and I think it's hilarious, I almost peed pants reading a few of the older posts. But, I don't think I'd go as far as to say that I LOOOOOVE IT (emphasis on the ALL CAPS).

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  14. You must be old and have a bladder problem. Zing!

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  15. I think all of your points about indecisiveness are valid, but I haven't found them to be as prevalent in women as in the men I know. In fact, it is my number one complaint of all the guys I have encountered in the last few years. Take action! Take responsibility! Stop waiting for someone else to take charge!

    Case in point: We all went to dinner and my guy friend couldn't decide what he wanted to order, so he stared at the menu for 15 min, then asked the waitress to just surprise him, and then said, "that wasn't what I thought it was going to be."

    Another example: A friend is trying to plan a trip and sent an invite to a group of people, because reservations and plans have to be made, he got all maybes, and "check back with me later, when its closer." Just say yes or no, its not that hard!!

    Maybe you should share this with those Mormon Men you know.. I think they could benefit from it more.

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  16. I don't really like the new layout of your blog... It seems more boring without the old layout. Just an observation.

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  17. If you cant choose your freakin dinner...How are you going to choose a husband? Holy crap Mormon Girls, You're going to be looking around at age 27 and realize that you missed the "First Round Draft Picks".

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  18. I just went through the online directory for the Longellow Park 2nd Ward in Boston to find out the sex ratio. I counted 99 women, 79 men, and 7 unknowns (no picture, no first name or foreign or weird first name), not counting the Bishopric. That gives us about a 5:4 female to male ratio. Not even CLOSE to 2:1.

    It could be that a greater proportion of the girls are active in comparison to the boys. But still don't think it would hit 2:1.

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  19. First off great post and 2nd as a reply to Spec4ever 27? Really? Is that old to you? what are you about 19 maybe 20 if you had an early birthday. I am well under the age of 27 but that is not an old age it is actaully a great age to get married cause a lot of girls and guys don't have there $h!+ together until then. And only in HAPPY VALLEY is that considered to be old.

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  20. Mormon funny stuff is funny. Just like this video. :)

    Let me be your Missionary

    With great love and affection for single mormon girls,
    Will

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  21. Yeah, but they actually have to ask those questions first, no? Good post, BTW, if you cant pick fast enough, live on the wild side and throw out a random guess, the aiter ill lead you to something nice most of the time. (DO NOT try this in foreign restaurants(ex. authentic aisian, Pho noodle, or Mcdonalds), were waiters do not fully understand your language(ex. Mexican food, when you are visiting a country, etc.), or if there are any funny smells eminating from the kitchen.

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  22. how about this... don't do a movie as a date unless you're in a relationship. be creative and plan the date for goodness's sake! remember the three P's to dating; Paired off, Paid for, and Planned.

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  23. haaha how about the guy that asked you out on the date in the first place figures out something to do ahead of t

    hahaha i think you guys are starting to get desperate for new reasons here

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  24. I really hate it when everything you suggest is discarded. Then, you know the real name-of-the-game is "Try to guess what I'm thinking." YUCK

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  25. Applebees? Barf. Take me there and you may as well take me home.

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  26. You're going to be looking around at age 27 and realize that you missed the "First Round Draft Picks".-Spec4ever

    you mean they will find someone that they will actually REMAIN married to the first time and not get divorced for having been too young and stupid?

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  27. I agree... no movie dates until your in a relationship... and then only sparingly. This post makes a good point, although personally when I guy asks me where I'd like to eat, I have no clue what he's thinking and since he's paying, I'm not sure what he had in mind in terms of price either. I prefer it when a guy says "would you prefer BBQ or Pizza" if I opt for BBQ he knows a great joint and we go there. That way we both get to make part of the decision, otherwise yes the lady comes off as headstrong and demanding! Give us a couple choices and we'll go from there!

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  28. " I don't think I've ever lived in a place where the women think there is an equal ratio. They always claim it's at LEAST 2:1 or 3:1… But every time I gaze around in Sacrament Meeting, it looks pretty evenly split to me. Sounds like an excuse..."

    The women you've met probably think that it's not an equal ratio, because it's NOT AN EQUAL RATIO. 2:1 is probably an overstatement in some cases, but I can honestly say that I have never been in a singles ward where there was an equal number of guys and girls or (heaven forbid) more guys than girls. There are ALWAYS more girls than guys. I don't know this because I look around in Sacrament meeting. I know this because I planned activities, served on committees, and knew the numbers. I'm not trying to use it as an excuse. (Although it does make the plight of the single girl a little more sympathetic than that of the single guy.) I'm just saying that all those girls that complain about the unequal numbers have a point.

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  29. The worst is when a guy asks where you want to go to eat or what you want to do and then shoots down everything you say. Then I have to keep suggesting places until I magically pick what he wants to do. If you are that picky don't ask me in the first place!

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