Visualize this- It is December, there is a huge box underneath the tree wrapped in BMX wrapping paper and you are so excited! Beads of perspiration form on your forehead just thinking of Christmas morning. You just know that it is the bike you have always wanted. Christmas morning comes, you dash to the tree, ignoring all other presents and dive for the BMX box! You shred the wrapping paper, and underneath that glorious BMX paper is…WTF? This is super sized erector set? UGHHHHHH!
Might I be so bold as to parallel this sad Christmas tale with dating? I have seen it with the girls my guy friends take out time and time again. I actually suffered through a double date under these circumstances the other night. You know exactly what I am referring to- the wrapping does not match the package. When a girl has spent many years cultivating her appearance, which admittedly is in tip top condition, but sadly she has completely neglected to develop and foster a brain. She is but a hollow, albeit great looking, shell. This major omission effectively eradicates the possibility of carrying on a conversation about anything save it be other people’s appearance; and more often than not, the conversation revolves around degrading other people’s appearance.
Mike-“Hi Kimmie, how are you today?”
Kimmie (say this next sentence very bubbly, forget to breathe, and ignore all punctuation and the proper pauses that they indicate) -“Oh I am having a bad hair day…hehehe, I like your shirt…OMG look at that girls shoes, they totally don’t go with that outfit, ugh so ugly.”
I mean seriously, how dare that other girl inflict such a fashion atrocity on Kimmie and the rest of the sighted world?
Honestly what needs to happen in this situation is that Kimmie needs slapped up side the head and driven to the nearest Barnes and Nobles, while listening to NPR on the radio, so she can get a clue about life.
Ladies- the packaging is very important; looking, and smelling nice is critical- to attract a guy. To keep one, as well as prevent yourselves from being pitched off a cliff, or failing the proximity to a cliff, used as the bowling ball on your next date, you must actually have something interesting to say.
Do not put down other girls appearance to make yourself seem better, we get it; you are pretty, ON THE OUTSIDE. Do not whine to garner attention because your looks only got you so far. Try to join in and augment the conversation. The aphorism is true, people become more or less attractive the longer you know them. If you want to become more attractive, put down the latest fashion/gossip magazine. Try establishing hobbies and interests which will inevitably result in you forming complete, interesting sentences on your next date that do not involve some poor fashion impaired girls shoes.
It's good to hear a guy say that the inside is just as important as the outside. It's so true! Actually, I'd say it's way more important than appearances. To guys who put too much importance on a girl's appearance: get to know the ones you wouldn't usually consider. You may be pleasantly surprised...
ReplyDeleteagreed! thanks.
ReplyDeleteSo, hold on a second - you're saying guys want us girls to be smart? But when the girl is a little too smart, you (guys in general) get intimidated and run away... Where do we draw the line here?
ReplyDeletesweet spirits vs. sweet bodies....
ReplyDeletesheez people...yes, there are actually 4 types of women...actually there are SEVERAL different kinds of women as there are several different kinds of men..your looks might get you to the minor leagues...but it is the complete package that gets you to big leagues...
you have sweet spirited women who are fantastic at everything but maybe they are not a "10"....funny that the idiot guy making THAT call...is typically far from a 10 himself..lol
you have beautiful women who are equally beautiful inside as well and men are intimidated by her...so then she finds herself with THAT difficulty..she'd love to date, she'd love to even go out, but everyone assumes she has a BF and she is eating from the same pint of ice cream that the sweet spirited girls are eating from...
bottom line...don't judge solely on what is inside or on the outside...it is a complete package that you have to look for and don't set yourself up for failure thinking that you are going to date the next Halle Berry guys...it probably won't happen...BUT...as long as the girl you are with, is YOUR top model...then it really doesn't matter what she looks like....because you'd do anything to be with her and that is what is the most important thing to her...that YOU want to be with her and she wants to know that you are being yourself, being genuine to her and that your feelings for her are real and true...after that...it's all you....
It isn't about being picky or chauvenistic or thinking that the female gender owes itself to men in anyway whatsoever...it is about MEN facing their own issues with women and realizing that they probably recognize the good ones that got away and understanding that in order for that to NOT happen again, they need to do what it takes (or DON'T do what screwed things up) in the first place..
If you want to be with a woman who is a "10" in your book...see to it that they are a 10 on the inside first...the rest will take care of itself...of course be realistic and recognize that nobody is perfect so that scale of 1-10 is silly from the get go...IF you are superficial enough to need the 1-10 scale for external or internal beauty...don't expect anything less from the girl you are dating..she is probably doing the exact same to you and sees you as the same 8-9 as you see her...hey if you both esteem each other as 8s and 9s..what are you waiting for? It takes ONE date or TWO even to really see whether things are going to take or not...not because the guy will "feel it" but the girl will and that is what will truly indicate if a 2nd or 3rd date will happen at all...
Your best advice yet. Smell nice. This does not mean that if an "unfortunate looking" girl or guy douses themselves in fragrance they will attract someone beyond there normal caliber. It simply means smell nice. People will find you more attractive if you smell attractive. Also guys, AXE body spray gives most girls a headache...really, stop bathing in it. One spray is sufficient. It may have worked when you were 15 but it's time to try on something a little bit more mature, and perhaps lighter. : )
ReplyDeleteYou guys complain about the girls who are only pretty on the outside, but then you date these girls exclusively. Seriously, if you want to have a great time, date an ugly girl.
ReplyDeleteNow this one was much less bitter than your last. An actual, helpful, how-to guide. Again, I doubt your most intended audience is not reading, but this one was written in a much better mood. :)
ReplyDelete"Honestly what needs to happen in this situation is that Kimmie needs slapped up side the head and driven to the nearest Barnes and Nobles, while listening to NPR on the radio, so she can get a clue about life."
ReplyDeletethat is my favorite line written. ever. and i read a lot.
i say that sentence (in a general) way at least once a day...about guys.
hahahhaha i love b&n!
Sad thing is that most girls who suffer from pretty packaging syndrome have absolutely no clue. Rather than thinking of themselves after reading something like this, they think of all their friends that are 'way too superficial and high maintenance.'
ReplyDeleteOh the irony.
I don't know if many girls will really get how true it is. I mean, who wants to marry a girl who will put Joy in the dish washer? But more intense, is who wants to marry someone who finds all the negativity about others? After all that Gordie Howe jersey doesn't match any of her Victoria Secret pajama bottoms so she won't want to wear it or let you wear it. That is only when it comes to fashion. THEN there is the putting others down to raise yourself up. My best friend is a boy,it usually is, and they will like a girl up to the moment she disses me. So what if I am not perfect, why remind him? It only shows them you aren't perfect either, that and immature, insecure, and petty.
ReplyDeleteI feel better about wanting a man who is intelligent, I need some competition during Balderdash.
This blog is pretty cool and I'm sure there are some girls that need to read this, not every girl, but definitely some. That being said, your layout is disrespectful. And to me, that taints the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love this blog! Its so funny. My friend showed it to me the other day and I'm seriously hooked! Everyone who is upset by this, get over it... Seriously... I love it, PP! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI miss the bitterness, it was much funnier.
ReplyDeleteAlthough this post is TONS better than your past bitter ones, I agree with Lisa. This layout is quite disrespectful. Some poor innocent girls may take it as doctrine since it is formatted much to closely to look the same as lds.org.
ReplyDeleteDoctrine? You can't be serious!
ReplyDeleteI didn't say it was...but you'd be surprised how naive some girls can be..
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWTF and OMG still mean what they were intended to mean without the acronym. Classy.
ReplyDeleteAnd in your haste to highlight the tendency of some to judge the physical appearance of others, you are guilty of the same infraction. You're judging them. Thus, hereby, and henceforth you weren't as effective as you could have been.
I agree. I spent many years in the singles wards, and these "packages" that you describe were the girls getting married first. Because GUYS ARE SHALLOW. It takes a lot longer to find the (few and far between) guys who actually (as you profess) care about what's up there and not just what's out there... Give me a break, it's not the girls.
ReplyDeleteThese "packages" that are married by 19 or 20, are divorced by 25, and remarried by 27.
ReplyDeleteHowever, don't worry about being lapped "non-package girls", marriage #2 comes with a pre-nump.
YAY! So I have been teetering on the edge, if I liked this blog or not, but this post hit the nail so very squarely on the head! You are so very right! Man, brains are really cool!
ReplyDeleteSo, did you mean to misspell "Barnes and Noble," or was that an ironic tease at Utahns who make everything plural?
ReplyDeleteI don't have much sympathy for the guy who asks that girl out. Girls like that don't hide their vapidity.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you about many of the girls I know They are very intelligent, but not obnoxiously over-opinionated about it, they aren't the bombshell blondie, but they do take care of themselves, (i.e. wear makeup but don't cake it on, dress very attractively and are modest, who go to the gym frequently and eat healthy). Do know another thing they have in common? They NEVER GET ASKED OUT ON A DATE. Meanwhile beautiful brainless girls have a date with nice guys every weekend. What's a girl gotta do?
Sorry, I'm just not feeling sorry for you...
WTF and OMG still mean what they were intended to mean without the acronym. Classy.
ReplyDeleteso I can't say What The Freak or Oh My Gosh? lol...the acronyms are so much easier..
i'm sorry... but since when do most of the mormon men in utah actually want to date intelligent, assertive and outspoken women? i don't see that often. in fact, most of the guys i know go for the brainless ones like someone said above. i'm not advocating being dumb in order to attract men, i'm just saying i don't empathize with your post because it's not even true.
ReplyDeleteWell no offense to those of you who are mad that the packages get asked out, and say that guys only want to date the stereotypical package, but I have a master’s degree and have at least three dates a week. Perhaps you just need to work on your outward appearance and personality some more instead of sitting at home pissed because the package got asked out.
ReplyDeleteJust something to consider...
ReplyDeleteIf you choose to demean the intelligence of others in your blog post, you may want to ensure that it is equipped with proper grammar usage. Having incorrect grammar makes you seem somewhat intellectually incompetent.
--anonymous female
Ha ha, oh geez, to the "package" above that gets three dates a week...wow, your haste in saying that speaks volumes about your insecurity.
ReplyDeleteThree dates a week? That's just embarrassing and proves the weird desperation of most people that live in Utah. The so called "Wife/Husband Hunter." Ew. Please stop. Don't get married out of duty or the facebook status change (or how all of the sudden the people from your ward and your high school will say, "OMG! Fer cute! Sarah got married! She must be cooler than we though." Rrrriiiiggghhht. I hope you actually love that guy and that you didn't just go for it because you thought you were supposed to or because he makes YOU look good.
haha, WOW! these comments crack me up! but it's so true, I know plenty of girls (some that were close friends) who are beautiful...b ut have no personality or who just act really ditzy for no reason and it's awkward and annoying!
ReplyDeleteIn a sea of people you have to have the outward "package" to catch the eye, or turn the head. Then you have to have the gravitas to hold the man down or the tide will return you to the sea of people. This is why "The Package" gets alot of dates they can turn the head they cant hold on and get tossed back as an undersized catch because they dont have the gravitas.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT. Thank you.
ReplyDelete