Hey hey hey...
After our first full day live, I got a slew of emails. Some great, some moderate, and some downright nasty. I kinda expected the latter, but never fear girls, you're not half-bad. (Dr. Phil mode on) You are doing some things right. Seriously, I want you to get yours and I truthfully believe you all can attain a significant other. (Dr. Phil mode off) So with no further adieu, on with the suggestions!
Girls, usually the first thing we notice are your physical features. I know blah, blah, blah we're pigs, but you check us out too (cue Salt-N-Pepa's "Shoop"). So moving on. However, we have 5 senses that you attract us with. Forget about sight for this entry. We love touch. You know those cashmere giddy-ups you're wearing sometimes, bring em out, bring em out. We long for that. Maybe a little later in the relationship when holding hands is in the cards go ahead and massage the crap out of us. You might feel you suck at it, but trust us your nubby little fingers are all we need sometimes. We like to smell ya too. Can the Bath and Body Works/Victoria Secret spray junk. Our moms and sisters wear that, and we don't ever want to have thoughts about them when we catch a whiff of you. Pick up a light perfume instead. Stay away from the White Diamonds, White Shoulders (just forget the white) Chanel No.5, or Jessica McClintock, because you just aged yourself by 35 years. Pick up a Burberry Brit for Women or Victoria Secret's Heavenly. This one is pretty universal, but annoying high pitched voices are hard to stick around. Here's an easy test: Ask your girlfriends if they think your voice is annoying. Listen for key phrases like: whatever, not really, um..., not all the time, or I'm not really around you all the time. If you hear any of these, try and soften it up a bit. Go for Norah Jones instead of a Joy Behar(The View) or Megan Mulally(Will & Grace). Now if we finally get the green light to taste you, might as well have your A-game on, right? If you can pick up a tube of that C.O. Bigelow Peppermint Lip Gloss, that'll do the trick. Hmm...that one might just take care of all five senses.
If I can please add my testimony to this post. :)I am also LDS. I have been wearing Burberry Brit for about a year plus now and only do one little spray. You know the girls who wear too much just getting funny stares when they enter a room. Without fail my male friends always compliment how good I smell.
ReplyDeleteugh i've been told i have a high voice. i hate it. im working on it.
ReplyDeleteand lucky for males, that bath and body works lip gloss is the ONLY lip gloss i wear. everything else is clausterphobic.
may i please just publicly endorse the use of cinnamon altoids to be consumed by the young lady prior to or during the kiss? to maximize the effect make it a surprised dont mention the trick to your oscilation partner :)
ReplyDeleteI agree, Gum or a mint is a necessity, you should both know that and help each other out so both can have a great kissing experience.
ReplyDeleteAs for perfumes, of course steer clear of the grandma smell. Sometimes those fruity smelling lotions are plenty for me. I personally hate Ralph perfume, I don't know what they put in it, but it actually makes me sick.
The perfumes you mentioned that would age someone 35 years ??? Are you kidding me?
ReplyDeleteSome mentioned are classic fragrances.
And when Nicole Kidman is the new Chanel 5
woman, I realize you don't have a clue about
anything - fruity, woodsy ? haha.
Seriously - these woman are supposed to be
doing all this for YOU - what are you wearing ?
Brut ?
From a Canadian Mormon...Good suggestions! Enjoy your blog, thanks! :)One more to add: C.O. Bigelow Cinnamint Lip Gloss Rocks!
ReplyDelete