(C'mon Sienna, American Apparel was just trying to be tongue-in-cheek...)
Psst...girls, I got a little secret for you. Tights are not pants! It seems that in the past couple of years you have evolved the wearing of tights from the under card to the main event. Tights were never meant for that purpose. Tights are perfect for such activities as ballet, theater, and sports. I'll even throw in a Renaissance reenactment or a particular Beyoncé video as an appropriate usage, but not for going out to the mall, to school, to work, and definitely not on a date. There is something that just screams nakedness when you decide to wear these bad boys without a skirt or shorts. Wait...seriously, don't you realize this? Now I know that you want to accentuate your assets, which I think is great, but Levi's provided the 531 skinny jeans for that function. Skinny jeans does something that tights can never do: they can eliminate chubby thighs from entering. Tights give girls a false sense of security, because some girls should never wear tights. For safety's sake, let's say anything below a size 8 is tolerable. It's like inviting a recovering alcoholic to a free wine tasting. Everyone is invited, but not everyone should come. Also just because they are dark and opaque doesn't mean they're OK. You are definitely not hiding the cottage cheese behind a 60 denier fabric. Tights are not girdles, they will not suck in the fat, nor will they cover those unsightly golf ball-esque dimples. Again, that's what pants are for. Besides, if you get a wedgie...Game Over. To guys you look silly. It reminds us of the nightmares we have sitting up in a classroom with just our tighty-whities on. So in the future, when you are deciding to walk out of the house with just tights on, ask yourself, "Do I want to look fabulous or do I want to look tacky?" If it's fabulous, go run back upstairs and put on a covering, but if it's tacky, I know a street corner in North Las Vegas that needs your services.
There was a girl at church on Sunday wearing black tights and the shortest miniskirt I have ever seen, which was made out of sweatpant material so it rode up a lot. And to top it off, she had on these huge awful boots. I mean, she looked like a prostitue wearing the leggings for added warmth from the Minnesota winter. Add to the fact that her hair was dyed several colors, a lot of it bleached blonde, and her skin was take-tanned to quite an unnatural hue.
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ReplyDeletei uh didn't mean to delete that. i suck...anyway
ReplyDeleteTHat is a mighty nasty look ... agreed...I think you can probably count on being a spinster fo life if you ever go out in a getup like that.
Interesting how you've already had a few fashion posts on here...a guy's perspective is always kind of funny to me. I think a lot of girls subconsciously dress for OTHER GIRLS instead of dressing for the guys they are trying to attract, but I don't think there's a huge number who are taking trends like this one to the extreme. Thankfully it's not the snuggie.
Anyway, keep 'em comin!
ahahhaa. finally. tights are the most digstuing thing to ever hit the world of fashion. going to church makes me want to vomit on a regular basis when I see girls sporting them. Sick dump.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think your blog is a little over the top and pretty mean. A lot of the time I think it's funny. Today, it is pure genius.
ReplyDeleteAmen. Tights are terrible. UGG boots amplify the disgusting nature of the beast.
ReplyDeleteWow this blog makes me so sad. It is kind of embarrassing it has "mormon" in its name. Aren't we supposed to be Christlike and loving? The comments on these entries and the entries themselves seem to mock, ridicule, and insult others. It seems to get a bit mean spirited at times. :( I just don't think it is really the image we'd like people to have of us...
ReplyDeleteumm amen and amen!
ReplyDeletehow about leggings and not tights over a dress or a long shirt/sweater that hits mid-thigh? is that a crime? because if it is...I'm so guilty.
ReplyDeletefashion. maybe many mormons dont know much about yet? maybe they do?
ReplyDeletelove tights. love leggings.
best comfortable slash easy trend to hit in the last decade.
easily.
oh and love sienna. she can do no wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe whole fashion/taste thing sometimes bypasses the mormon corridor. Good taste can sometimes pass a girl(s) by. The worst is when you get a whole group of girls in your ward dressing in some tasteless manner.
ReplyDeletewe need an additional post about how jeans DO NOT go under skirts in same fashion. I saw this once, and the girl walked into a light pole. no kidding. I think that sums up everything necessary to say.
ReplyDeleteugh....just shut up already.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've always compared girls wearing tights to trying to stuff a sausage into it's casing...its just not a pretty sight.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I guess it's just me, but doesn't the basic modesty guidelines advise against wearing underwear as outerwear?
ReplyDeleteI understand that most of the major haute couture designers are gay men, designing for what they like, ie women who look like gay men. Women, You CAN be attractive and feminine without looking like a whore.
"Tights give girls a false sense of security, because some girls should never were tights."
ReplyDeleteYou spelled "wear" wrong, idiot. Maybe Mormon girls in your ward don't date because of the woefully unintelligent option you're presenting them with.
After a few mediocre posts this one had me laughing again. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteGood post. But I think it's the comments that keep me coming back.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Aaron. I love reading the comments from the angry or bitter girls that swear they will not be coming back to this horrible site.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Keep it coming guys.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I loved linds's sausage comment! GENIOUS! oh and i agree with the post albeit its not common to see. but when it does happen... oh my goodness... just no...
ReplyDeleteI would say not even a size 8 is acceptable. Size 2 and below is passable. . . but please even then we don't want to see it
ReplyDeleteWow. I love that people complain like it matters to anyone on here or the writer. "Shut up". "You're stupid and mean". "You're making me cry via internet". "We're supposed to be Christ like." Well Christlike lady... We are also supposed to be able to laugh at ourselves and half of the time... girls are idiots. We're ridiculous and we wear tights as pants. If we live in Utah we also rat our hair into disgusting formations that look like butts around our heads. Point proven. Get over it.
ReplyDeletei HATE the ridiculous trend of wearing tights or leggings as pants. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. thank you for this post. i'm glad that someone had the sense to talk about it. something needs to be done.
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