Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Mistake #44 Me

(Yes, I'm a dog.)

Well, I knew this day was going to come. However, I didn't think it would take 2 1/2 months. This was at first a supposedly funny response to another blogger's site, but I soon found that my blog's overnight popularity was more intriguing to me than trying to match wits with another blogger's dating rules.

Honestly, I initially had a lot of fun with this blog. Being anonymous to everyone had me laughing through the night. Sometimes I couldn't believe the conversations about the blog amongst my friends and my ward. Keeping a straight face became almost an art. Boston was having fits and Provo (27,000 unique visitors) was subtly becoming my Mecca. But as the posts continued, the conversations turned more disheartening than promising. Hearing that some girls were reduced to tears and others "deeply hurt" finally made me wonder, "don't they see I'm just having some fun here?" Now that I realize that I was wrong, I am here to tell the truth before I disappear from the blogosphere.

To all the RM sisters and those still planning on serving a mission, Gotcha! I think you are all great! No matter what stereotype that is pinned on you, I still remember you are doing the Lord's work in bringing souls unto Christ. I respect that. Really.

Actually, every "type" of girl that has been portrayed in my postings all have an extreme great worth. No one should be considered less datable based on an objective criteria. We are all "flawed" in some respect, and it's what makes us all unique. I'm probably the most flawed of all. Although I don't "live in my parents basement" "find myself unemployed" "extremely bitter toward girls" or even "wrapped in a web of video/computer games," I still have many undesirable characteristics & traits. But just like anyone who has felt humbled, I want to be better too.

As many of you can attest, I haven't provided any real answers on how girls or guys (for that matter) can find companionship. All I've really done is re-started the discussion of why dating is so frustrating. Truthfully, I have just brought up old adages that have been recycled over and over again. Maybe I've added a new spin or put some cheeky pop cultural reference on some, but it's nothing new. Granted, I have received quite the handful of questions that are often over my spectrum of expertise (okay, one MFHD class doesn't give me any expertise.) I am quite flattered, but have no elixir or remedy. From my personal dating forays, nothing has been more successful for me than being honest, caring, and loving.

From the bevy of commentators, I have thoroughly enjoyed the comments. I definitely looked forward to the comments more than I looked forward to writing the next post. However, some of you were way over the top and the language got a touch sour at times. I'm not one to complain, but just one that observed. As my posts continued to get worse, the comments became greater and more incendiary in nature. The pattern was staggering and my heart became more uneasy.

No matter how relevant the subject matter posted was, being hurtful doesn't help any of us progress. I believe I was more enthralled in the "Oh that's sooooo true" comments, that I turned a blind eye to those that were offended/struggling with the comments. There seemed to be a general consensus that if someone was offended by the blog that they shouldn't read what was before them, but we have always been taught to stand up for what we think is right. So I believe it was fair that those objecting to a post had the right to do so. I am definitely awed in the psyche of a person, though. The fact someone can dislike a site and still come back again and again is a bit funny & disturbing. I tracked the IP addresses of multiple "Anonymous" responders who disliked the blog and found a 87% return rate of the 174 people I followed.

From this blog, I have gained a love for writing, and consequently, a desire to work more diligently on my sentence structure, spelling, and grammar. Maybe I'll take a class on satire. I also have decided to use my writing for something more uplifting and less of a degradation to our LDS sub-culture. Maybe you'll find me in the future writing something because it's insightful and not because it's disrespectful.

My apologies to Mike Cunningham, Dave Alba, Mike Visser, Jansen Gunther, Paul Dozier, and to any other guy who was thought to be behind this blog. As much as you would like to hate these guys: they are all innocent. You can hate them for something else. But I ask sincerely that you don't.

Maybe I'm stopping because I have a conscience somewhere in my apparent, "cold, bitter, soul" (someone emailed that to me.) But, I won't continue through your congratulations or your daily need to read my "funny" postings. I figure one day I'll meet my Maker, and hopefully through some repentance, I will have already exonerated this garbage from my "body of work"

But until then, the only reason why Mormon Girls Stay Single is me. Dating and finding the right person is hard, but rewarding work. The last thing you need is a unsuccessful single guy telling you how you're screwing it up. Forgive me, I am but a boy. One day, hopefully, I'll be a man.

Until we meet again,
Peter Preisthood aka (------- ----- ---- ---)


P.S. I never got caught and I'm not from Provo or Boston :)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Mistake #43 Hey Jealousy

(I swear this is ginger ale, and maybe they could all dress more modestly...)

I love you, but sometimes you are still single because of what you do to other girls. Here's a rundown. Let me know if this makes sense.

1.Fiancee-hatin' Felicity
So a roommate/best friend/sister is getting married. This is normally grounds for celebration, but not in Felicity's case. This is her time to shine as she sulks her way through the uneventful life she leads. Maybe she feels that since she is the older sister, she should be married before the more nubile one. I read this play by William Shakespeare, Taming of the Shrew, every heard of it? Well, it's a dang good one. Read, reflect, change, and repeat. Perhaps you're the roommate who might already have a boyfriend, but Mr. Slowpoke isn't putting a ring on your finger anytime soon. Even though we look dumb, guys can see through this catty crap. If your mood even resembles even one episode of Housewives of New York (which we have guiltily seen...) why would we want that for eternity? Engagements can be the hardest on the best friend, because he (the unassuming fiancee) seems to ruin all the plans and traditions you two have enjoyed. In my best condescending tone: "Honey, it's natural. When a girl likes a boy, and a boy likes a girl, they don't want to be bothered by your hatefulness." Don't worry. Be Happy. You'll eventually get yours...promise.

2.Gossiping Gwyneth
Ever wonder why people are mysterious, opaque, and closed these days? You know why you feel out of the loop in the ward? Because you spread people's bizness like a California wildfire. Gwyneth I know you have a "concern" for so-and so, but does everyone need to know she made a mistake? Don't be known as the go-to gal for "juicy" information. Take a sneak peak at Psalms 34:13.

3.Self-Righteous Sally
"K, so can I show you this paragraph in 'For the Strength of Youth' pamphlet?" Sally has a tendency to over-express her religiosity and her disdain for anything envelope pushing. Sally, I applaud you on your iron-rod approach, however, examples are great, but silence is golden! Girls don't need a pseudo-mom in their presence. Most girls appreciate your personal decisions and are more apt to follow suit without your blatant brow beatings.

4.Boyfriend Stealing Bethany
You're my favorite, because you are a go-getter! At first, it's flattering to every guy, because who doesn't like to be fought over? Also every girl knows you as their favorite lil' B. But in the oft-repeated words of that hit 1998 song with Brandy & Monica:

You need to give it up
Had about enough (Enough)
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine (To see the boy is mine)
I'm sorry that you (Sorry that you)
Seem to be confused (Seem to be confused)
He belongs to me (He belongs to me)
The boy is mine

Besides, playing the part of the boyfriend then becomes dangerous, because he becomes the jerk if he does move to greener pastures. Also getting involved in a drama-throwdown makes dating in the future seem less desirable. Besides, if he's actually willing to drop you for her, what makes you immune to being dropped in the future?

5.Ex-Girlfriend Elizabeth
Yo Liz, it's over. Chill. This isn't Gossip Girl. You haven't the skill of Blair Waldorf. Only a very select few girls do. You haven't the Upper East Side street cred, nor do you have a Dorota. Guys realize the "many fish in the sea" mantra, because you have so aptly expressed the 2-1/3-1 girl/guy ratio innumerable times. You're an ex for a reason, why not accept it and move on? I know this might sound harsh, but whenever ex-girlfriend tries to trump new girlfriend, the words CRAZY & OBSESSIVE always comes to mind. You've seen all the movies, that usually doesn't sit too well with the guy. So if you're looking to upstage the new girlfriend, you can wait like a fool, but it's like finding a dead cat in the street. No one wants to see that...

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -- in fact, they're almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil...”Robert Heinlein