Monday, March 23, 2009

Mistake #39 Daddy's Little Girl by DS

(This is a foregone conclusion...)

Your daddy's rich. We started catching on when you mentioned your trips to the Bahamas every winter. And the condo in Park City. Oh, and the ski vacations to Tahoe. The semester abroad in Europe was unforgettable. Your 58" flat panel TV also helped. And your $900 handbag. Wakeboarding? You took your boat out all the time. The Mercedes is classy, but the Range Rover is way more fun to drive.

We recognize that you're not saying all of those things to brag. You're saying them because to you, they're normal. That's the bizarre world you grew up in. You knew, in some philosophical way, that you were privileged in a way others were not. But you never got very far past the philosophical (unless you count the time you went to Africa to volunteer in an orphanage or the two months you spent teaching English in China).

You were bred to be high maintenance.

It's not that we're intimidated by you. It's just that when we see you, red warning lights start flashing in our heads. You see, we know that the number one indicator of our future wealth (or poverty) is the woman we marry. If you've got expensive tastes, chances are you'll waste all our money. And let's be honest - you're a depreciating asset anyway.


  1. what about daddy's money making its way into YOUR pocket? doesn't that attract you in some way?

  2. Today you were much more bitter than usual. But hey- maybe it was a slap in the face for the girls who are really like that...
    And yet... I kind of have the feeling that girls like that have so many more things to do with their time than read blogs telling them what they are doing wrong. What a paradox haha...

  3. Usually, I sort of find your posts funny. This one was just completely offensive. You crossed the line in that last paragraph.

  4. Is that Steve Carrell behind Shiloh?

    Is anon the writer of the blog that if you read you really need more to do?

    Now, where as yes, daddy's girls are high maintenance, it isn't their fault they have a trust fund. No more is it my fault that I was raised on welfare. The question lies there in as to whom among us will overcome the circumstances to which we were born so that we might have our own success in spite of it. Not one of my siblings is raising their family on the great taxpayer's dime, I don't plan to either. Only one of my siblings (of the nine btw) will breed the articles aforementioned children, but their parents are specialist in their respective fields of medicine. This is where I am judged, unfairly at that, I come from a family where education not only matters, but is the only acceptable route in life. I love nerds. So yes, I judge too.

    Girls aren't the only high maintenance people. I have a friend who paid $15 bucks for a slice of cheesecake when the whole pie cost another roommate 6.99 at the Macey's grocer. I bet he got more enjoyment from it than I did when I was given my slice for free. No boy would ever make a girl buy a slice of cheesecake from him, especially when it was a gifted 6.99 pie for his birthday. Fact of the matter is, it probably wouldn't have tasted as good to him if he hadn't paid for it, because after all, the family personal chef makes it better.

    This blog makes me feel less guilty about just friending the boy who wanted to buy me designer jeans and pumps for the night we were to meet his parents. I am just not that girl, I like my t shirts and chords, not to mention my tevas.

  5. the guilty take the truth to be hard. I dated lots of girls before i found the one that spins my world. As i dated i chose to avoid the "high maintenance". I knew there was nothing wrong with dating that type of girl other than the expectations of dating that type of girl.

    Now there was one time i did date a "high maintenance" girl and soon came to the realization of 2 things: 1. Making $15 an hour full time and getting as much overtime as i could, while holding a full school load was never going to fulfill her expectations. 2. I was not about to kill myself over someone that only looked in and never out. This is not meant to be vindictive, just intended to enlighten the "Daddy's Little Girls" reality comes quick, and is not as nice as daddy.

  6. That very well may be Steve Carrell. lol

    "And let's be honest - you're a depreciating asset anyway." Ouch DS, that was a sucker punch right to the baby maker...

  7. Dear Brother Peter,

    I don't care if you are doing this blog to to help, to be funny, or to vent, but you are a DISGRACE to the Preisthood of God, our Father in Heaven, that you claim to represent. I don't care if this post seems out of place(I haven't read it all, nor do I need to or care to), as a fellow Elder in the Church of the Lord, I stand up now and tell you to stop focusing on our heavenly sisters' flaws so much, and focus on your duty to your Preisthood.

    As for people who spend hours reading through this sad persons' blog, stop commenting onit and reading this crap. He doesn't deserver it, and like all illnesses, can go away with time.

    Again "Peter", stop preaching about an ideal woman that you have proven through your words and actions that you DO NOT DERSERVE, and get back to the work at hand.

  8. Wow Brother Underwood. Looks like someone can't tell a satirical blog when he sees one. And feels the need to go out of his way to preach to others to "get back to the work at hand" that is also not accomplished by posting falsely righteous indignant comments on a blog that is not meant to be taken at face value. I have no problem with someone making jokes, but someone as self righteous as you does not have any right to rebuke another. Great game try again later.

  9. Wow Underwood, "I stand up now and tell you...", "get back to the work at hand"... I'll be sure to vote for you for apostle. Some of us do have a sense of humor, and some of us have also met these uptight, expensive daughters of God. Not all of us tried to get married within a month of getting home from out missions to the first girl who didn't turn us down. Not all of us want to drive a mini van and have our wives pop out babies like its going out of style. At least you're here to uphold the zoobie standard so press on with the work at hand and toil with all your might.

  10. I feel some enlightenment needs to be addressed. Brother Remick Underwood has some valid points. The true underlining fact is this. If you don't take time step back look at your life and change your life for the better, you WILL be that annoying old neighbor now one cares about. You will drive everyone away that cared about you. I am talking both men and woman you will never get married and you will never amount to your eternal potential.

    These posts are for men just the same as woman. Learn a lot and laugh a lot, for if you can't laugh at your self who can you laugh at?

  11. Okay. First of all, Remick (my husband)...Calm down hun! It's satire. I know that you were trying to be satirical back, but both you and the author suck at it. (He's really not self-righteous...he just can't write satire). Sorry! Second, this blog is funny...up to a point. You've passed that point quite awhile ago and now are just attacking anything you can get your hands on. And that's just not attractive.

  12. I'm pretty sure there are a lot better ways to "serve the Lord" than spending hours a week nitpicking Mormon culture. Your blog is not helpful, funny, or even clever, it's offensive, shovanistic and a waste of time for you and the people reading.

  13. Satire is written to show the flaws of something (for exapmle LDS women) by making jokes about it. By making people laugh, but still having them look inside themselves to see if they need to change.
    The only thing slightly funny about this blog is the fact these posts do happen in the real world. It's funny because people can relate. However, the author can't write satire well enough to make it truly funny, so instead it comes out bitter and spiteful.

  14. To Aubrey:

    Believe me...he is NOT sexually frustrated.

    his wife

  15. everybody gets their collective panties in a bunch when we attack God's beautiful daughters...yet there is no such thing as protecting God's men either...look, whether the author can write with satire or not, is NOT the issue at hand. Focus on the girls that act the way that they do that got him to write this in the first place. Am I saying that EVERY girl is this way? Obviously fact, thankfully not...but we all need to tone it down so that we do not offend. I laughed during this post because having been married for a decade, it allows me to be grateful for the wife that I have and the fact that she is NOT the self righteous, rich little daddy's girl who got everything she wanted and treated other girls in YW or RS like garbage because they were raised in modest or poor backgrounds...those were girls to avoid no matter whether they were from Utah, Idaho or even, and maybe especially, from California since that is where I grew up. I grew up in a rich part of California and yet, I was NOT rich. So I had plenty of daddy's girls who would simply NOT date me...well they did me a favor and that money never ended up in my pocket that was never a problem or a concern. Like others have said before, these people are out there in the real world and they need to recognize quickly that the world in which they live is NOT the same as the rest of us and if they intend on continuing that lifestyle, they had better marry the first rich metrosexual that comes their way because THAT IS, as good as it is gonna get for them...or they can tone it down and quickly realize that the rest of the members of the Church are actually fun to be around if they'd give us half a chance...

    as far as Brother Underwood is concerned...I am sorry that this is so offensive for you, but I think if you were able to lighten up and see the satire in it and excuse some of the offense from it- you may see it in a different light...look...when you went on tearing Peter Priesthood down, you went down to that same level so you really didn't do yourself any favors. Just ignore the blog if you must, but if you can see it for what it really is, a slice of real life, then maybe you can relax a bit and enjoy I have learned..."if the wife has to come in and provide damage control" or (put out the fire) as we say in the military...then the husband has gone too far...just let it go and you will be better off...if that means you have to avoid the site in order to not act up, then I guess you will have to do that...but the site will go on and who knows if PP writes something that you actually find funny??

  16. I liked it. A lot. Especially the last line.

  17. Remick Underwood...give me a break. You are ridiculous. And your wife might even be worse apparently. Wow you guys annoyed me.

    And Jennifer...seriously? How was that offensive? Its funny. Get a sense of humor. Yea?

    Keep it up!

  18. Dude, where are you meeting these girls? I mean honestly, you say you're writing these blogs to "help single Mormon girls get the Mrs. Degree they long for." But you sure are targeting the wrong audience if that's the idea.

    How many normal Mormon girls are from super rich backgrounds? How many of these rich girls who spend all their time vacationing and dolling up their appearance have a hard time getting married? There are plenty of shallow guys out there who are looking for all of those qualities. These girls don't stay single for long.

    If you want to help the girls who need it, try focusing on real problems that real girls have that keep them from marrying a real guy.

    If you really date girls like the ones you lament about in your blogs, you're the common problem. Do yourself a favor and get some taste.

  19. Anyone who refers to women as a "depreciating asset" is, in fact, an asshole.

  20. Anyone who lumps men into groups according to their income, deserves to, in fact, be referred to as a depreciating asset.

  21. Oh, this is so true. I tell my 4 teenage boys NOT to bring home a Princess. Pretty to look at, but you'll be scrubbing toilets and paying for manicures all your life. . . . yeah, princesses suck.

  22. woman depreciate after 22, men appreciate after 22...just the way it is, deal with it!

    plus its just a joke so don't get so offended

  23. Best posting I have ever read! Very funny, very creative.

    But to defend a girls position about the "Mrs Degree." I myself suffer from the wantings to marry a guy with a good college education, since when was this a bad thing? Since when does wanting a guy who is driven and can apply himself seen as a negative?

    I live in an urban area and am pursuing an advanced degree. When I return to mormonland aka. SLC, I am constantly surrounded by single mormon men who live in their parent's basements and think that the lord will provide what is needed.

    The real reason for "daddy's little princess" exists is that we know what a good guy is like and are waiting for one. It isn't always the guys choice to end the relationship.

  24. Generally I am all for your post they are generally all true. Entertaining, witty, well-written, and dead on. Except this one, I grew up as a guys girl. I love football, I love to get messy and dirty, but when it came to dating ... I got your just another one of the guys as a lame excuse for saying "they( the other guys) are getting on myback and i just can't. Well if you know me I also love to shop cook and I am a floral desgin major. I am well cultured and lived in foreign countries for the summer and I am the only girl in my family. So naturally I am daddy's little girl. So what your telling me is that the way you think I grew up like every girl out there who's parents have money. We can't be like everone else? That when you get to know me the real me you are turned off by the knowledge I have and the expirences I am willing to share when asked? I am pretty sure in your christmas post you were looking for more than wrapping. Granted not all rich girls are smart but they are the exception not the rule.