Monday, March 16, 2009

Suggestion #9 Top 12 No No's in Conversation

Who needs a top 10 when I got a top 12? Here are a few suggestions of what not to say to a guy that you are starting a relationship with. As always, do as you wish.

12. When will I see you again?
Alex, I think the correct answer is "What is possessiveness?" I think he just got the go ahead to run away from the crazy train.You can refer back to that dogeared and overly quoted book or video you've already got in your queue from Netflix called, "He's Just Not That Into You." Just like Viagra, when the time is right, you'll know...

11. Can I help pay?
No. We get it, you got a job, you sold your eggs, or your daddy gave you a raise, but didn't we ask YOU to dinner? Save your dough for the guys who want to "hang out."

10. Do you like my outfit?
Unless you're trying to "slut it up," fishing for compliments should be avoided. If you look good, we'll take notice and tell you. If this is not the case, smack your roommate/sis/mom for letting you go out in public in the first place.

9. Did you know that I lost weight?
Yes, we know when you have lost weight, and we also know when you've added that muffin-top too. Only a fool would acknowledge this fact, so don't ask. You can always refer back to #10.

8. Where is this going?
Um...I'm guessing nowhere. If you need to ask this question, you already know the answer.

7. I Love You.
See ya! It's pretty much the guys responsibility to say this one. If he hasn't yet, the answer is no. If you are looking for reciprocation, just watch the bevy of romantic comedies dusting your shelves. 3 words and 8 letters have never caused such an emotional tidal wave as these have. Just wait for it. (Well, "I hate you" is a close second...)

6. I don't trust you. you're saying I need to get sneakier? Noted. If you don't trust the guy, go trust someone else then. Relationships shouldn't be like Geometry proofs, either you trust him or you don't.

5. We need to talk.
This translates into, "This is about to get ugly, so let's change the subject." Ladies, why even ask this inauspicious question? Why don't you use your sneakiness a bring out pending problems casually. You could probably eliminate our defensive

4. Who is hotter Angeline Jolie or Jennifer Aniston?
The answer is always going to be Angelina Jolie, because it's just fact. Lara Croft will always trump Rachel Green and Angelina would never do a "Marley & Me" or "The Breakup" type film. But we'll tell you Jennifer Aniston, because we all know how much you girls cling to damaged goods. If you need any tangible evidence, just ask your boy Brad Pitt.

3. Don't you want dessert?
Guys are normally paying for the dinner you are eating, so if we want dessert, we'll get dessert. You can just continue feeding your face full of cheesecake. We'll take care of it.

2. Can we watch something else?
I'm assuming that you are at his place, and watching his television. Most guys can tell if they are watching something unfavorable to their significant other, because this is usually figured out during the First Date Rundown Questions. So he is probably doesn't give a crap that you want to watch the rose ceremony of The Bachelor. If you want this relationship to last, you'll learn how to get used to this one.

1. I served a mission.
Game over. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.


  1. The first, "Don't tell a guy you served a mission" post was funny but now I'm wondering whats your deal? I'm not an rm so #1 doesn't wound me to the core but it makes me wonder, "What's wrong with YOU?" and it makes your opinion less valuable because I don't relate to guys like that. It makes me think you have issues and therefore I'm not as interested in reading future posts.

  2. 11. Can I help pay?

    Don't ask. Seriously. If you want to spend money on him, surprise him with tickets to a basketball game or a sweet action flick, or an awesome concert. That one small act will go 100 miles further than offering to buy your own salad at Zupas.

  3. I think it's time to take a spring break, relax, and come back with more entertainment rather than pointlessness. I should laugh at during the reading of a post...

  4. umm so i totally disagree with number 4 angelina jolie is butt freaking ugly. BUTT FREAKING UGLY.

    oh and i love the rest, besides ONE you are a little bitter with lady RMs get a new bitterness.

    your competitor is taking you out day by day.

  5. you are just as pathetic as girls who fish for compliments. you are fishing for attention and drama by bringing up the sister missionary thing again. get some new material.

  6. angelina is totally hotter. done.

    and #1 is so funny. go not collect 200 hundred dollars...because they already spent it on their mission! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  7. "But we'll tell you Jennifer Aniston, because we all know how much you girls cling to damaged goods. If you need any tangible evidence, just ask your boy Brad Pitt."


  8. As far as #1 goes, I am actually fine with dating returned sister missionaries.

  9. So why is there a post earlier on this blog about "going dutch" being a good idea if now you say it's not...? Or is it different authors?

  10. I dated a sister RM for a few months and it was miserable. She was always on my back if I missed a church meeting or got to church late. She was always worried about how my testimony was doing and it was really annoying. It was like she was still a missionary. Better to leave them alone

  11. number 1 was by far the best. AMEN! Stay home and be productive. And if you do go stop telling us how hard it was and please stop trying to one up us on all your mission stories!

  12. Sad story is that girls actually say these things. (not necessarily verbatim)Unlike that other blog about boys, I say boys because if those girlz were dating men, they wouldn't hear those 12 phrases. You buy where you shop girlz, remember that. There are ways to address your issues, without being one of these girls.

  13. Let's not forget when the guy asks the girl: "Will you wait for me?" This video gives perspective on that side:

    Let me be your Missionary


  14. 7. I Love You.
    See ya! It's pretty much the guys responsibility to say this one. If he hasn't yet, the answer is no.

    I was dating a guy and he and I hadn't said the "L" word yet, and I didn't "L" him but we were talking and I asked out of the blue, "Do you love me?" And he said, "Yes." And I said, "Well that's cool." And he asked me, "Is the feeling mutual?" And I answered, "No, but if it gets that way, I'll let you know."

    I was curious so I asked and I got the answer. Bam. Maybe he was just a wuss? Who knows.

  15. Woah. You make HUGE generalizations. And the sister missionary thing...not cool. I myself am not a rm sister, but welcome to the 21st century. Girls aren't going to sit around waiting for the "perfect" guy. Stop expecting girls to sit around waiting for you when the guys themselves aren't doing much. We are going out and "being productive." You, spreading the gospel.

  16. I was engaged less than a year after returning from a mission and we had never dated so I don't think #1 is valid. Sorry.

  17. You were married, and you never dated? Weird. Anyway...I love the whole "daddy gaev you a raise" part. That was great!!! but even if Jennifer Aniston was not one of the options I still would not pick Angelina. She is psycho! Not to mention her arms are unusually long. great post!

  18. I love how the comments are funnier than the actual blog posts are sometimes... Poor sister missionaries... You shouldn't be hating on them. I'd like to know the real reason behind that.

  19. "I was curious so I asked and I got the answer. Bam. Maybe he was just a wuss? Who knows."

    ha!! lol I don't think I could ever ask that question but if he asks me I would most likely say no with a "but, someday you'll know" at the end.

    How about the question "Do you like me?" lol I know that sounds a little um, well, retarded but I'm sure there girls out there who just don't get a clue if the guy likes you or not. There are clues ya know!!

  20. I don't think telling girls they should be ashamed of serving a mission is "serving the Lord the best way you know how." I think the main reason some mormon girls stay single is that they see examples of pricks like you who try and get a laugh by talking before they think assuming anything they do and say should be excusable. Would you wanna marry that?

  21. I wonder what is wrong with you that you feel so threatened by a girl who has served a mission. Sorry if you can't handle that. But a persons desire to serve the Lord doesn't make them undesirable and if it does then you have issues. How many people at this blog are actually married or in a serious relationship I wonder?!

  22. This blog is aimed towards singles so my guess is that most people who read this blog are single. I would also guess that the author doesn't like female RMs because he, like other guys, want to feel like they can do things better than women and because men are expected to go and women can choose, they feel that they should be given more credit. I didn't serve a mission but admire girls who have.

    p.s. my question: if you are set up on a date should you still expect him to pay, or offer to chip in?

  23. Some guys like girls who have served missions, for example, my husband. :)

  24. Guess someone didn't get the "be better not bitter" memo. Good thing I play in to the "grain of salt" theory because that was a load of crap! So I guess your choices are to ignore the amazing ex sister missionaries and date the 18 year olds. Too bad the babies don't want you and the employed, self motivated cursed sister RM's are too much for you to handle, guess you can just grow old writing this bitter diatribe. But at least you'll have cyberspace.

  25. Yeah...I love how you diss the sister RM's, but then don't want an immature, high maintainence girl. Sorry, but for the most part, at least every girl at some point during the years of 18-20 has somewhat of a harsh wake-up to reality. Some more drastic than others, but almost all do concerning some points about leaving home, not getting what they want, etc. Get over yourself. You're just jealous because you can't find a girl to meet all 50,000 of your expectations. Good luck with that.

  26. #10:Do you like my outfit?
    If you look good, we'll take notice and tell you. If this is not the case, ***smack your roommate/sis/mom*** for letting you go out in public in the first place.

    The, Smack your roommate/sis/mom was freakin awesome and right on point in ask US guys and you want the truth...maybe they should have told you the truth before you left the house...

    As for #1...I agree for the most part...
    I believe there's two types of sisters that go on the mission...those that couldn't get married and those that actually want to be there. On the flipside to that, they generally do come home with a...I'm holier than thou attitude!! HELLO...we were there too, you don't see us acting like that....

  27. You'd think some guys would love sister RMs. It would allow them to spend a whole date talking about "on the mish" stories.

  28. Actually Mr. you don't see us acting like that, yeah, we do. And PP, as someone else said, get some new material. I think a sister from your mission refused your proposal and you're eternally bitter. I would like to know the real reason behind it as well.

  29. you know, i agree with all of them but the last one. . .I served a mission?

    what the hell? what is wrong with that?
    i can see if she is going off about it, or that is the first things she says, but hello? that is kinda cool.

    right? am i right?

  30. um, so there's three types of RM sisters.
    1. the holier than thou sister. she was that way before the mission and probably dated you, so she found a more pragmatic entity to focus her 'amazingness' on...just ask her companions. she was probably that way to her companions as well, not exclusive to the male population!
    2. the cool sister. she kept the rules and was disappointed in the elders who did not. and she can spot the RMs who are only 'friend' material, because she wants someone who will give the same respect and dedication to her as he did to serving the Lord. no matter what, though, this sister respects what people are able to do and not what they chose not to do. let's focus on positive!
    3. the apostate sister. she goes on the mission because she wants 'mission stories' like all the cute RMs that she sees coming home from grand adventures. she focuses energy on other missionaries and on returning home, gives all that focus and energy in keeping up with connections made with other elders and members who encouraged 'hanging out' and less on keeping up with that investigator that was so close but may now feel abandoned.

    or, none of these apply and we should all just find someone who makes us want to be a better person and then try to spend as much time with them as possible. (like, eternity maybe?)

  31. I love the transparncey of insecure men. You're right....its the girls that are the problem. Hahahhaaha.

  32. In general I like this blog. It is funny and insightful. The RM thing is pretty offensive though. All my RM friends (except the few crazies) are happily married. I had no problem dating as an RM, it was fun to have something else in common. Now happily married, my husband tells me all the time how glad he is I served a mission. Sorry if you ahd a bad experience with an RM, there are some crazies out there, but please don't lump us all in that category...

  33. How is a woman who busts up another person's marriage attractive? Beauty is as beauty does - and that is hideous.

    The main reason men cheat is because there are women who let them, by facilitating it - by being the other woman. Women who do that - are hideous.

  34. ok, i am absolutely amazed that anyone thinks this is smart or funny or insightful or anything other than a pathetic attempt to replicate the success of the blog basically you take the most obvious and false stereotypes about women that you most likely aren't even in contact with and say the most obvious "biting" comment you can think of. it just sounds bitter and and is in no way smart or funny or relevant. who are these girls you "interact" with, by the way? cause they cannot actually exist. i've never met any girls like you describe.

  35. I think it's pretty obvious why girls would want to stay single if they ever met a guy like you. Clearly you are entirely threatened by any woman that has an independent thought or heaven forbid…a self esteem. I mean let's face it, being challenged by a woman intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually is obviously not for the faint of heart. It’s much easier to just find a girl you can manipulate into what makes you feel better about yourself. It sounds like you are fishing in the right ponds if you are dating girls that are so incompetent that they can’t contribute financially without "selling their eggs" and/or "working for their daddy”. But hey….who can blame you. Girls like that don’t mind living in your mom’s basement.

  36. Dude, you are so obnoxious! Above and beyond.

    A few of the comments noted in your blog are yes, totally taboo to say and could be brought up in a self-help article (see 12, 11, 9, 4, and 3). But your responses to those questions prove that no girl in their right mind would go on date 2 with someone as pompously chauvinistic and crude as you are. You are obviously not qualified for this calling you've given yourself. What a jerk!

  37. Yeah, #1, not my fave. I'm an RM and certainly didn't go because I didn't have opportunities to get married. I haven't had problems getting dates since either. Do guys feel threatened by ladies who've been on the mish? Just curious.

  38. And yes, please don't lump us all in one category. You may have had some bad experiences with RM's, but we are definitely not all like that.

  39. I love agreeing with so much of this, what makes this even better is all the defensive sister RM's. My only complaint is i hate Angelina Jolie. Jennifer Anniston forever.

  40. ok so you pissed off a lot of sister RMs with this was to be expected...but you got a lot of comments so there you go...positive or otherwise, you got the comments...

    12. When will I see you again? roll the dice...
    11. Can I help pay? yes, if you want to go dutch, you obviously do not want anything else from me
    10. Do you like my outfit? yeah, stop fishing!
    9. Did you know that I lost weight?
    =do I look fat in this??...yeah any idiot is gonna answer this one...don't know lady...are you height-weight proportioned? you tell me!!!
    8. Where is this going? stupid question>stupid answer
    7. I Love You= really,....ok see ya
    6. I don't trust you.=ok see ya
    5. We need to talk=YOU need to talk, I need to shut up and take it...bleah
    4.4. Who is hotter Angeline Jolie or Jennifer Aniston? neither/nor...but then look who I married! ;) I am comparing Toni Braxton to Tyra Banks
    3. Don't you want dessert? am I TOO THIN?
    2. Can we watch something else? get another TV..check!
    1. I served a mission is NOT a problem...

    what IS a problem is ANYTHING spoken during a program that I am watching...thank GOODNESS FOR DVR...I can NOW pause whatever I am watching and listen with undivided attn...but it IS terribly annoying when commercials are every 10-20 minutes in sports..cath me at a time ISN'T THAT THE GAME IS MORE IMPORTANT than my don't jump on that train is all about TIMING...

    the timing is right when there are commercials...

    as far as whether you served a mission or wife what? It hasn't destroyed our 10 year marriage...ohh let me rattle some feathers here with LOTS of Utah readers...I met her on the mission...ohhhh sinnner...I am going to hell...err heck or whatever Utah mormons call that place...ahh yes, telestial kingdom lol...

  41. So...I'm planning on starting mission papers this summer. Is this a wrong choice that will automatically scar my dating chances for life? I'm not ugly and I have had plenty of dating opportunities; I just haven't found the right one. I've always been told to go for the rm' I see a double standard here? Then again, giving up a year and a half of my life to service isn't really that attractive anyway.

  42. I heard the "once a senior companion, always a senior companion" from my roommate who ten years later says that he now sees why marrying an RM would be a good idea.

  43. Oh for the love of everything holy. Serving a mission will NOT scar your dating chances for life. I served a mission and married someone amazing who recognizes how it made me a better person, both for me and our family. I truly think this guy was totally rejected by a sister RM and he just can't get over it. Even he went for one, it just didn't work out the way he wanted it to. It may scar your chances of dating someone who you really don't want to date anyway because they are threatened and intimidated by you but that's a good thing. It will save you a lot of crap. When I got home from my mission, I moved into an apartment where all 5 of my roommates were also RMs. Well guess what? We dated A TON and by the end of that school year, 4 of us were engaged. 6 months later, there was marriage #5 from our apartment. So don't take any true life's lessons from this blog. If you feel that you need to go on a mission, go!

  44. Hilarious. I have had a front row seat for #5- #12, and would like to bear my witness that they are all relationship detonators.

  45. The guys I've thought quality have been happy I've said I've served a mission. You must not be the type of guy I'd want to go out with anyway. If a guy doesn't seem happy then it's a red flag to move on. I'm attractive and far from desperate. I'm not reading your blogs anymore. You don't know what you're talking about in this regard.