Friday, February 6, 2009

Dreaming Disney #1 Ariel by EQP

In the early nineties, the animated film industry experienced a renaissance, bringing us such classics as Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and the Little Mermaid (damn those sea shells). As a result, every Mormon girl from the past two generations has spent their formative (and post-formative) years studying the Disney animated cartoon cannon.

Having practically been raised on such wholesome entertainment, many Mormon girls have been brainwashed into patterning their lives after the Disney heroine of their choice.

While I, too, love Disney animated films, I have no delusions of falling in love and marrying Belle, Jasmine, Tink, or Ariel—no matter how tempting it is to get my hands around their animated hips.

Don’t get us wrong. We dig girls with imagination, but dreaming up life as fully-colored, hand-drawn heroine isn’t exactly what we had in mind—it just seems a bit too, what’s the phrase, cartoonishly unrealistic.

Nonetheless, reality is reality. Mormon girls dream life in Disney. So, that leaves men figuring out what character it is that we’re dating. Here is character number one among many:

Ariel (Little Mermaid)Ariel is one of the hot, freshly hatched spring-chickens. She is young, beautiful, and adventurous, striking jealousy in the hearts of many of her older (RS) sisters. When it comes to finding an EC, Ariel shoots for the stars. As if it isn’t enough to want to marry a guy with legs, she has to pick a prince! But while her personality is charming and beauty alluring, beware—Ariel’s got a naughty side, too. She has difficulty obeying her father’s commandments, her curiosity leads to mischievousness (she’s always up to something fishy), she has been known to make deals with the devil, and worst of all, sometimes she can be a bit of a princess!


  1. This may be the case... but I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

  2. Seriously guys? Seriously?
    Based on the posts of the past I would have expected more.

  3. ... You all can do better than this. Come now, we expect better.

    I would make the argument for someone like Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice where every girl wants their own Darcy or something like not, not some half baked Girls can be Disney characters thing.

    Unless there are a lot of guys who compare girls to Disney chicks, but I haven't heard of this.

  4. I hate Disney movies and so should you. They are the same recycled plot over and over for the corporate empire that eliminates or acquires other "family friendly" enterprises in an effort to brand family entertainment.

    They also have enough influence to violate copyright laws and then get the laws changed to suit them. They are consuming your money which you give to them gladly with a smile on your face.

  5. Holy easy conspiracy theory

  6. Lindsay Keller needs to get a brain and say something intelligent.

  7. Come on, you should have taken a day off instead of posting this one.

    I think You should have wrote about "Edward" from "Twilight". That's way more relevant, way more dateless women in the past five years have dreamed of him instead of that Aerial halfbreed.

  8. Hey there is nothing wrong with wishing to be a Disney princess one day! Heck, when I first saw Aladdin, I wanted so desperately to be Princess Jasmine! much more than Ariel and many others! ooh and there was Mulan, now there's a cool heroine who doesn't have to wear minimal clothing to be admired by a girl like me! hehe but on the other hand, some of these Disney movies does brainwash our minds to think that there IS such a thing as a "Prince Charming" and a happy ending... that includes a pumpkin carriage. *ahem*

    A girl can always dream but she needs to face the reality and realise that people aren't perfect. Even though I have grown up watching those movies, I have learned a lot from people who lived simple lives and valued hard work. Some people who aren't as fortunate as my family were contented with their lives. But even to this day, I don't consider myself rich more like average and try to look as simple as possible. Not attracting too much attention and worry less about brand name clothes. Though I do dream about becoming a "princess" without acting like one. And by that, I mean I do imagine myself as this beautiful, kind, successful, disciplined and most importantly, seek to help others become better people.

    oh and speaking of Pride & Prejudice, seriously, who wouldn't want their very own Mr. Darcy? I sure would. In fact, I have one in mind for the past 6 months. haven't seen him in 2 months and I sure miss him but I'm too cynical to believe that me and him would end up together. To me, he's nowhere near perfect, he's a similitude of Mr. Darcy, it's almost scary, the whole arrogance vibe with a hidden sensitive good-natured side that I wish I could bring out from him. Anyhow, I don't think I've ever heard of guys comparing girls to Disney chicks.. more like girls to Britney Spears or supermodels. They're so vain! haha

  9. Personally, if I had to pick the perfect man, it wouldn't be any of those wussy boys of Jane, Stephanie, or Walt. I want Indiana Jones. There is a Renaissance man, with the only one to shine a light to him, Angus MacGyver. Or maybe Duff, from the Ace of Cakes. He's actually real.
    But I must contest there is an awful lot of ageism occurring again and again throughout this discontented blog. I date more than any of the spring chickens I know, they can be the jealous ones because of the lack of maturity and prospective. But hey maybe it describes the CSL, so go ahead and surround yourselves with the people who fulfill the pathetic and petty personas you loathe here, and I'll go keep it real with those who rock.

  10. I took a girl out once who was obsessed with everything Disney. And I mean OBSESSED. It seemed to dominate our conversation the entire evening. Every girl was a "princess" and I half expected to see a gaggle of woodland creatures following her around.

    Disney was definitely one of the reasons this girl remained single. She was living in a Disney-induced fantasy world, of which I was not a resident. I won't even go visit that world.

  11. I'm sure you were going to get to this eventually, but let's not forget all the boys out there who, like Peter Pan, refuse ever to grow up.
    I really like your stuff, but this one was a bit weak.

  12. "let's not forget all the boys out there who, like Peter Pan, refuse ever to grow up"

    Oooh burn! Touche!

  13. Whoa. This blog is heaven sent. Thank you.

  14. Part of keeping a comedy site funny is to have some quality control standards: the last couple of posts should've been left on the cutting room floor.

  15. Good call on the Peter pan ... hahaha, I know so many guys who don't want to grow up.

    Also, a major turn off for me is swearing, and I have noticed several uses of profanity on this blog.

  16. I just recently watched peter pan. Never realized home-boy was such a player. No surprise why I idolize him:
    a. tinker bell
    b. Wendy.
    c. tiger-lily
    d. the mermaids (3 of them)

    This guy is honestly my hero. And thats why this mormon guy is still single.

  17. I'm sorry, Toys R Us made me dream long ago of not ever growing up, and I see no fun in growing up either. (Maybe being mature, but not growing up)
    Which means there is no pressure on you ladies to grow up either. Take a load off, in fact you can pretend to be Jazmin and I'll be Aladdin. Sound good?

  18. Sisters, how about spending time developing your talents, instead of dreaming about being a Disney princess. The author is right on target with this entry. I mean come on, at least admire someone like Hannah Montana. But a cartoon??

  19. The Phantom KisserFebruary 8, 2009 at 7:45 PM

    to the person who said "Anonymous said...

    "Part of keeping a comedy site funny is to have some quality control standards: the last couple of posts should've been left on the cutting room floor."

    Clearly you are thinking with only half a brain. Most of us are having thoughtful discussions on the matter. If you cannot engage in intelligent discourse, then get off the blog.

  20. I agree with Molly Mormon.. What's up with the swearing? Yeah there haven't really been any of the "bad" bad words said SO far, but it's starting to get a little annoying. Maybe one day you bloggers will see how immature and unnecessary the use of profanity is.

  21. I'd agree that the last few posts have been rather weak. I was laughing out loud at work reading the first several posts because they were actually funny. Maybe its time for a little break to regroup and come up with some fresh material.