Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mistake #27 Bling Bling Bimbos


New York, NY-I'm sitting here in the Manhattan 8th (YSA) ward sacrament meeting. Looks like Fashion Week started a day too early for these budding fashionistas. I've visited a lot of wards, but never have I seen such a blatant attempt to mock television at such an alarming rate. OK, we've got Lipstick Jungle in the middle row, Sex in City on the stand, Gossip Girl giving a talk, ANTM in the overflow, Project Runway coming in a little late, and even a bit of What Not To Wear texting on her Blackberry. Anthropologie has definitely left its emaciated little stamp on this congregation as well.

The girls are very plentiful and what little guys I see here, they either got a girl in tow or they are trying to find that key out of the closet. Where have all the men gone? Well, by the looks of it, they were blinded by the bling and left for
Old Navy fields. Seems like these girls don't need a ring, since there is one on every single finger. You would have thought this was the grazing pasture for the new breed of The Real Housewives of New York City. Girls these guys aren't fooled. Girls with a lot of jewelry don't come off as having a lot of money, they come off as having a lot of someone else's (daddy's) money.

Girls, even if those rings and faux pearls are
Claire's specials, you are sending a very blatant message to the recent laid-off I-bankers, Money Ain't A Thang. Apparently the recession hasn't caught up with them, but the wrinkles have. Did I mention I was in church? Oh good, because I certainly didn't feel like it. Here's a quick suggestion: Turn down the expensive a notch. You can still dress nice without a bedazzle overkill. A nice pair of earrings and matching bracelet will suffice. Rings with rocks bigger than your knuckles are ridonkulous and no serious guy is going to fall for that hot mess of crap.

Don't tell me you're not dressing for anyone else either. Unless you can honestly say that your 3 inch heels, chandelier earrings, tunics, and tights are keeping you warm and comfortable, then you're definitely projecting yourself. I get it, you've all made it in the City so you splurge. Congratulations, well done! Here's a virtual pat on the back, but save it for your swanky cocktail parties and not church.

Oh, note to straight LDS men with lots of money and/or a good job (New York isn't cheap)...I was very much impressed with the attractiveness. Relocate here immediately! No leathery fruit roll-ups here. These girls will be fine, once they take off their armor(physically & figuratively)...

25 comments:

  1. Dude, you're so jealous that they're loaded. Don't hate. Congradulate. They got lots of money, good for them. You got lots of...humor... good for you it all works out.

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  2. Haha hilarious and so true. Although last year when I attended that ward I noticed a lot of H&M...so at least some girls are trying to keep the cost down!

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  3. That is so funny. Ya I'm pretty sure there are a lot of men out there that would say peace out to that (I know my husband would in 2 seconds). I have some girlfriends that are like that, the guys hang out with them, but that's all they get...because they are ALWAYS around their girlfriends. How do you expect to get to know someone when you are never alone with him? Not to mention my guy friends feel intimidated, knowing they wont ever have "enough" to provide. Too bad, because he will someday!

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  4. I love the cynicism and the no-holds-barred attitude.

    "Rings with rocks bigger than your knuckles are ridonkulous and no serious guy is going to fall for that hot mess of crap."

    Merciless yet almost poetic. I hope some of these people read your post. They need a wake-up call.

    I haven't read any of your other posts but I hope they're as intelligently vicious.

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  5. All I can say is you must spend a lot of time watching TV. Take a break from that TV watching a take a nice non bling-bling girl on a date.

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  6. I Love NY for this reason. Here is the cream of the crop and they show it. They have indeed "made it" in the career world and deserve congratulations. I don't know many here that are spending anyone else's money but their own. Not saying riches get us into the kingdom above- but If these girls were on a farm and snagged a husband and ten kids- I'd tell them congrats too. But since they are not and they have little men to choose from, they should flaunt what they have! As far as scaring guys off- they shouldn't apologize for being successful. It's not their fault if the pansy guys get scared off easily.
    Ha ha. This was a fun one.

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  7. I wish this was Dave Alba. He is funny and I would email him tips on how to make this better. I don't really relate to this (sadly) =( good luck!

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  8. facebooking manhattan 8th ward now...

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  9. I agree whole heartily with fashion defining not who we are or aren't. Sure it shows your interest in the cult(ure) of which you are following but deep down I am sure even those Coach/ Loius Vuitton clutch carriers have a side that everyone can adore. I on the other hand am and always have been a t-shirt and jeans girl, I go for comfort, cost, and consistency. I clean up nice though.I make some honest attempts not to be a tomboy. I no longer shop for my jeans in the little boy section, I wear a variety of colors that are appropriate to my gender, I wear clothes in my actual size instead of ones that are too big (some are actually fitted too), I cut bangs, I wear my hair down, I wear perfume (not body spray:), and I started wearing mascara.

    My thought or better termed (series of) question(s) is this, what do I do about men who want to feminize my style? I am moderately interested in a chap who wants to put me in some stilettos to wear with my jeans, bring some asymmetrical cuts to my shirts, and show me how to casually accessorize with jewelry. He thinks that with minimal effort I could be a head turner. I am fully aware that femininity can be very attractive, but how do men (in general) really pair dress style with personality? How do I showcase my feminine side without a personal economic recession? How important is it that personality matches style? Is my complete lack of interest in how I dress really a downfall? Additionally I am not into couture beauty, I am a classic beauty,doesn't that matter anymore?
    I see some of these girls and have some very conflicting thoughts and feelings. One is I admire their bravery for some of the things they wear in public, sometimes actually being attractive in the process. The others aren't so nice and I am sure are very biased.
    Reality is I like many girls guess am just the girl next door who hasn't become the brunt of Cinderella story. We have all the beauty of the world inside us for you to love and you can't see it if you are looking in Pandora's Box.

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  10. What does ANTM stand for?

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  11. your post is kind of dickish, but there are some good points.

    i echo other comments: these nyc women are spending THEIR OWN money. i know, bc i used to live there. (i was a poor grad student, but i admired my other successful female counterparts).

    you should do more posts on why mormon men suck! keep it balanced.

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  12. You are just jealous of girls that actually have style... And I am sure you wish you looked as good as they do!

    This is just straight up rude...
    xoxo

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  13. He's right--I married a hottie from the Inwood 3rd Ward. But she didn't dress like Carrie Bradshaw.

    Actually the dress code at NYC sacrament meetings comes in waves. If I recall correctly, in May/early June you see a lot of Laura Ashley as folks move in from the Mountain Time Zone for their internships or whatever, and then by early July you're back to all black and lots of boots.

    Same in September, which goes somber again by October, etc.

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  14. Seriously, your post is lame and cliche'. I bet your definition of what's attractive is off, and that you get no girls whatsoever. Dog, you are so consumed with the physical things, what's any of this have to do with anything?

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  15. I wonder if it makes you sad... that with all your wit and pop-culture intelligence (it seems like charm would be the natural next item on the list, but, from what I've seen, that factor is apparently lacking) you could never land a date with one of us "sex in the city" manhattan 8th ward girls. For the record, you still have scores to learn about women. Many of us in the ward are down to earth, but we fortunately have the remarkable skill of making accessories from target fashionable. A future goal for you that will fully transform you into the metro-wannabe that you are? Identify clothing brands properly--we probably spend as much $ on our apparel and time on our appearance as other girls in any other ward. We just happen to be better at what we do. Thanks for visiting, I hope you got all the eye-candy in the world, because touching is clearly out of the question. XOXO

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  16. Possibly the girls aren't trying to impress the boys? I've never lived in Manhattan, but in every single's ward (and married ward) I've attended, the women dress to impress the other women.

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  17. Having been in the "Glory Days" of the 8th ward this is so true and so awesome! Appearances aren't everything and these wards are not shallow and it is one where the best of the best truly thrive.

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  18. Are you gay? If you're a guy, why are you even watching those shows?

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  19. Did anyone happen to ID the douchbag that writes this piece of shit blog? Yes, we're cute in NYC. The minute anyone finds out who you are, you are going to be blackballed for life.

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  20. and blueballed?

    that might be worse.

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  21. too late...i have a feeling this guy's been blueballed for a long time.

    Q: what do 30 year old virgins do with all that frustration?
    A: you're reading it.

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  22. To the author: you make a VERY good point. People try to show off how fancy they can dress, and church is not the place. Church is where you worship God. Save it for a fancy date.

    By the way, I love this quote: "no serious guy is going to fall for that hot mess of crap." xD

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  24. Hah-larious!! Keep up the keen research and accurate observations! This is good stuff!

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