Monday, February 23, 2009

Mistake #30 Textual Relationships are not REAL Relationships

It’s 8:45pm on a Friday night and you just got home from the gym. The night is pretty much a wash, because you didn’t make any definite plans with anyone. You look over towards your DVD case for a chill movie for the night and all you see are the usual suspects:

13 going on 30, Serendipity, Notting Hill, The Nanny Diaries, The Notebook

Sweet Home Alabama, Grease, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Wedding Planner

Center Stage, Grease, Never Been Kissed, Dirty Dancing, Father of the Bride

Runaway Bride, Clueless, Romeo & Juliet, Sleepless in Seattle, Titanic

You've Got Mail, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, The Devil Wears Prada, Sex and the City

Ever After, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink

Before I continue, why is it that 91.32% of single girls have these movies neatly alphabetized on a cheap wooden DVD case next to their television? Don’t even try to deny it, because some of you even treat it like a mini Blockbuster complete with sign-in/sign-out sheets. I mean who are you renting these DVD’s out to if every girl owns these movies? Your little entrepreneurship ways are super precious!

Well, you settle down with your 2 overstuffed crepes, one complete with fruit compote and crème fraiche and the other with Nutella and sliced bananas and you veg the crap out. Then after the rain scene from The Notebook when Noah throws Allie up against the wall and…well, you know the scene, you get this itching to text. Well it goes a little something like this:

You: (9:20) Hey, what’s up?

Guy: (9:26) Nothing much just chillin (AKA Watching the NBA on ESPN)

You: (9:26) How was your week?

Guy: (9:30) Pretty good, yours?

You: (9:30) Well, I passed my MFHD test that I was totally stressing out on. (Why did I send that?!?!)

Guy: (9:39) Cool (He’s totally watching ESPN and not paying any attention to you)

You: (9:39) I also went shopping with Jen and got this super cute dress from Anthropologie and this lil’ two piece swimsuit from J.Crew. (Dirty move, but it was necessary)

Guy: (9:39) Swimsuit? (You’ve piqued his interest!)

You: (9:40) Yes. I’m getting my gear now, because swimsuit season is right around the corner!

Guy: (9:41) Yeah, I can’t wait to go the beach. (Wow a full sentence!)

You: (9:41) I know, right? I can’t wait to strip these heavy clothes off and head down south. (Hook, line, and sinker)

Guy: (9:42) What are you doing tonight? (Um, basketball is off the agenda & he’s thinking BOOTY CALL!)

You: (9:43) I’m just working on my fitness, trying to get my abs right. (As you stuff in the last crepe)

Guy: (9:45) I respect that, well what are your weekend plans? (Still trying, but not acting to eager…)

You: (9:50) Pretty busy tomorrow, but I will text you and maybe we can do something. (Just got the upper hand)

Guy: (10:21) Ok, that’s cool.

Later that night...

Guy: (12:11am) No I can’t sleep

You: (12:11am) What?!?!

Guy: (12:12am) Oh, that was meant for someone else. (Whatever dude…)

You: (12:13am) Oh really, a girl? ;) (Clever way of garnering info)

Guy: (12:15am) No, but you could be that girl. (Definitely a flirt)

You: (12:16am) lol! Well, I’m already in bed (you were totally waiting for that reply the whole night)

Guy: (12:18am) Well, I’m not that forward. (Unless you’re gonna do it…)

You: (12:20am) Have a good night! TTYL!!

Guy: (So close, couldn’t seal the deal)

You: (He’s so into me…he is totes going to ask me out!)

The Next Evening

Girl: (Waited all day for guy to take initiative)

Guy: (Waiting all day for girl to respond)

Girl: (9:07pm) Oh hey there :)

Guy: (Wait for it…)

Girl: (9:13pm) Are you there???

Guy: (9:17pm) Sorry, I was busy (Trying to get the upper hand)

Girl: (9:20pm) (Feeling mixed signals) Oh ok, well I won’t bother you then.

Guy: (9:20pm) I’m free now, just finishing up my talk for church

Girl: (9:23pm) (Feeling too guilty for a Booty Call) Oh ok. Well, sit by me at Church tomorrow?

Guy: (9:30pm) Yeah sure (wtf just happened?)

At Church

Guy: Silence

Girl: Silence

Random girl: I saw you sitting by your crush today!

Girl: Yeah we’re kinda seeing each other I guess.

Random Girl: You’re so lucky to get the guy you want!

Girl: (sigh.) Yeah.

Random boy: So you’re hooking up with that girl you sat by today?

Guy: Yeah we’ve been talking the last few days

Random Guy: Yo, that’s tight man! Get that!

My goodness girls! Don’t you see how your texting ways get you in trouble? You’ll never get the success you’re looking for if you substitute real conversation with technology. If you like the boy, don’t set yourself up for a booty call text, talk to him during daylight hours and by all means never text late at night! You can follow-up conversation with a text, but never to initiate one. Too many overly flirtatious or steamy comments make you come across as desperate, needy and intrusive. Remember that less is more. TTYL


  1. I loved this entry. It is very true and sadly that is why it is funny.

  2. I thought I was relapsing for a moment..but I realized it was just me reading the blog. Wheww.. good this is 100% correct. Girls are not smooth operators, stinks for them

  3. Don't have a relapse Elder! You can't go back to those days before the mish where nicmo was your middle name and the next booty call was the next thing that walked by with a booty. You have an amazing woman who loves you, and believes in the atonement, lucky you. Also some women are very smooth operators. Just because I'm the roughest operator in town as demonstrated on Sunday doesn't mean other girls aren't. Caryn doesn't count either. haha

  4. I don't own a single one of the movies listed. Although I will admit that I have nearly bought three of them and still wouldn't mind owning just those three. But I will also say that before I had to move back in with my parents, I kept all my dvds neatly alphebetized. Not so I could keep track of what I had loaned out (I didn't loan them out), but just because I liked them that way.

  5. soo many things inappropriate in this post...

  6. inappropriate for what? sacrament meeting? yes. a blog about dating? nooooo

  7. Spot on, yet again. A tip 'o my hat.

  8. This was pretty accurate lol! But don't blame girls 100% of the time. Yes, girls shouldn't be initiated conversation and flirting like that via text. But some guys seem to be asking girls out less and less these days and then the whole hanging out thing happens and then texting happens. I STILL think guys need to grow some and ask the girl out! What happened to the guy picking up the phone and calling too?

  9. Okay. New reader here.

    So here's the deal. This scenario is only true up to the point where the girl assumes the guy likes her. If it's a Friday night, and this girl starts getting the itch to text mid chick flick, this girl is looking for a booty call to pass the time till she meets someone she's actually into and nothing more. If she actually liked the guy she was texting and trying to trick him into asking her out so that he can eventually be the father of her babies, she would have done it on a Thursday night so she wouldn't have to resort to the gym and The Notebook on Friday. You can find girls that are easy enough to get the ball rolling on a booty call and you can find girls that are dumb enough to think that girl-initiated texting is the key to starting a serious relationship, but you would be hard pressed to find both qualities in the same girl.

    And this:

    "Random girl: I saw you sitting by your crush today!

    Girl: Yeah we’re kinda seeing each other I guess.

    Random Girl: You’re so lucky to get the guy you want!

    Girl: (sigh.) Yeah."

    Seriously? I don't know any girls that are as ridiculous as you suggest they are with this little exchange. But I guess if you didn't embellish and distort the level of desperation, this blog would be pretty dull. So...anyway. Just some thoughts.

  10. This post is SOOOOO not true... Only losers like the author(s) would get into such half-ass IM/Text/E-mail exchanges. Every guy I know will take charge. That's why the author who is not man enough is throwing hissy fits like this.... You can't hack it, can you??Loooossserrrr.... Hope you stay single forever... Looooossseeerrrr

  11. Hate to say it -- but, I just have a feeling that the writer seems like a bit of a jerk. I'm new to the site, -- and this will be my last time visiting it.

  12. if the booty is what you want..then get that...if its relationships you want...then get that...but for sure girls need to just stop taking whatever is sloppily offered to them by whats his face of the moment.