Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Grooming Station #2 Lying Is Wrong & You'll Eventually Get Caught

Lying to a girl is similar to crack cocaine, because it's such a freaking high when you get away with it, that you got to do it again and again. However, lying doesn't a path of success in your relationship forge. Even before you start dating, girls already have on their trust radar. They're very aware of the guys who are always "joking" "kidding" or "messing around." As funny as these jokes or "little white lies" are to you, the last thing a girl wants is a lying guy in a relationship. If you think that you are a catch but express this quality, you better start gaining some trust instead of crank calling. This is especially true with the second halves, because more than likely they have had a few guys lie to them already and now they need honesty in their lives. Girls don't trust us as it is, look at their evidence:

1) Satan
2) George Bush
3) Bill Clinton
4) All of Major League Baseball
5) James Frey
6) Stephen Glass
7) Jim Carrey in Liar Liar
8) Jim Carrey in Yes Man
9) Every father who said they preferred having all girls
10) Frank W. Abagnale
11) O.J. Simpson
12) Baron Munchausen
13) Richard Nixon
14) Jack Kelly
15) Ex-boyfriends
16) Barack Obama (pending)
17) Walt Whitman
18) Mark Twain
19) Al Capone
20) Ernest Hemingway
21) Jayson Blair
22) Milli Vanilli (R.I.P Vanilli)
23) Pinocchio

And that's just scratching the surface! Once you lie and get caught, it's like a brand new ball game, because your girl has got the upper hand. She has every bit of a right to turn on the crazy switch when you don't show up on time, smell a little "fragrant", or forget to do something. Some girls are forgiving. Actually a lot of kind, understanding, foolish girls are forgiving, but you shouldn't exploit that arena too often. When girls stop forgiving and you still want to make it work, that's when they'll crush your balls and bring you down. Remember how much girls talk? Well, they will again and again til every girl you've come in contact with thinks you are worse than Chris Brown beating on Rhianna. Oh btw, don't hit girls...kiss girls. Once a girl stops trusting you, you either do 2 things:

1) Do something extraordinary sweet that it trumps the fact that you're an a-hole
2) Lick your wounds, move on, and hope she doesn't start talking.

There are varying degrees to lying, but a lie is a lie. You are misrepresenting yourself. Why should you not present who you really are to some chica you really fancy? There is no need to subscribe to an "enhanced romantic marketing" scheme. If they don't like who you really are then it's their loss. Being yourself is definitely a more attractive quality than posing to be something you're not. Besides, you all hate it when a girl lies to you, why not show her you're a real man and tell the truth. You have been groomed.


  1. I have enjoyed all of the previous posts. This post was dumb.

  2. umm excuse me i resent #2. maybe most of them cheat (stupid a-rod, i knew he was a phony) but they DO NOT come before, jim carrey in liar liar and o.j....thank you very much.

    lol what can i say? even if they are dirty scoundrels i gotta stand up for my boys...

  3. hey i thought this was about why mormon girls stay single

  4. so this blog went from merely insulting and cliche ridden to badly written and boring in what? three weeks? snooze.

  5. Yeah I agree. This blog has definitely been going downhill. But I'm not giving up hope!There really have been a lot of funny posts in the past, but they are usually the ones that don't single out the girls. I mean this post wasn't GREAT, but it was giving advice to the guys, not the girls.. so really, you might want to change the name of the blog, because as of now.. it just doesn't make much sense.

  6. ha, especially #2, let's hope #16 just gives us little lies not start a war and ruin the economy lies

  7. Two things I want to comment on.

    "lying doesn't a path of success in your relationship forge"

    Nice Yoda-speak here. Also,

    "enhanced romantic marketing"

    Seems like that could be a post or two all by itself. I would like to contradict the previous posters thus far. I don't don't think the quality of your blogging has yet to drop off. Maybe the L.O.K. of your readership, but the nuance and subtle humor is still there. Keep it up.

  8. The grooming comments are supposed to be directed to the guys, I mean look at the line on the first grooming station post "Guys. it's your turn..." Kinda gives you a hint doesn't it. And I agree with Nookleerman as well, the subtle humour is still present, and I love all the posts.

  9. this blog is many things-"subtle" and "nuanced" are not two of them.

    that's like saying "he's just not that into you" is full of groundbreaking insights. this is the same old stuff the single LDS pioneer children probably sang about as they walked.

  10. So I think you let all the bitter Sister RMs get to you...the second you deleted that RM was all downhill....This blog isn't so witty and insulting anymore...sigh. Get back to not caring about what all these single girls said!

  11. do any of you commenters even belong to the Church? Is this seriously what you think we should all be spending our time doing? Insulting and belittling each other??? Single, married, fat, thin, fashion whore or woeful misfit-these are the people you sit next to in Church for crying out loud.

    Guys, we are all in this Gospel thing together-I honestly don't understand all the clamoring for more mean posts.

  12. They are not mean... they are honest. Its not rude if its true. These are all things that need to be said and that people just don't have the balls to say to each other. So sure we all need to be Christlike but didn't Christ say "Thou shalt not lie" which is essentially what this post said.

    Don't listen to all the haters out there. The wicked take the truth to be hard and thats why they don't like it. The truth hurts. So just bite the bullet ladies.... wax the stubble, shower every day, and leave the tights for the cold tundra's of canada under a long skirt and dress boots.

  13. they are not "honest". the overwhelming majority of women-in AND out of the church-are perfectly aware of the rules of standard grooming. this blog is not giving ANYONE any sort of new or useful information-it's making fun and preying on pretty much every girl's worst fears-you aren't married because of something YOU did. this blog is out to mock-ur and simple. and if that's your bag, great. But please don't pretend there is some Standard of Truth going up here in the name of helping.

    The truth is that fat people, smelly people, ugly people, rude people, people who don't wax and who burp in public get married every day-there is no formula for how to get hitched or heaven knows the single morms would have figured it out by now for how much they have to yammer on and on and ON about it.

  14. To "anonymous"- Sure there is no formula to get hitched..but there are certainly things you can do to up your game. This blog doesn't really tell you anything that most people don't know. But seriously there are some girls out there who really just don't get it. I think most people look at a few girls in the ward and want to just let them know..."hey you really should wax that upper lip" (seriously some girls just don't notice it) or "a little makeup never hurt anybody". But most of us read this blog because it was witty and mocking. You may be all self righteous...but some of us have fun reading stuff like this. For the same reason some of us mormons like watching "its always sunny in philadelphia" (horrible show but sooo funny)

  15. did you seriously just compare this tragic little blog to the brilliance that is Sunny in Philadelphia???

    what i'm saying is that this blog isn't particularly witty-just mocking. i read seriously so blessed and laugh and laugh but over there-she skewers the kind of over the top superficial ridiculousness that we all know is out there. THAT is satire people. this? this is just junior high hallway humor.

  16. The stuff from the beginning of this blog was pretty mockingly-funny. Now its pretty dull. And no it nowhere compares to It's always sunny..give me a break. I was just saying that we laugh at this blog because it is stuff that we could never say to people but have always wanted to. Which is one of the reasons I love Sunny.

  17. well i'm feeling a little silly getting in a comment war here so i'll just bow out by saying that whatever, laugh all you want. being single is tough for boys and for girls and stuff that encourages us to look at it like a battle just means everyone loses. there are about a million stereotypical things we could say about LDS guys that would make all of us laugh but at the end of the day-I like LDS boys. And I like to laugh with not at them.

  18. This was a fantastic post. I agree with Nookie-whatever-man about the Yoda-speak.

    Also, the commenter who wrote about the single pioneer children who sang as they walked: hilarious.

    And, could anonymous people just pick a name? Anything will do. For commenting differentiation, it would be nice. Comment as name/URL and just don't put a URL. Like me. Please?

  19. wow. the moment I read the words "crack" and "cocaine" in a "Mormon" post... I knew this person was on something. Who knows if it could be either one of those things I just mentioned. haha

  20. you guys may not agree with whats been said here but parts are true. and i don't think that they're trying to teach any one anything new here just that they're trying to remind everyone what we already know but have forgotten... and if they're just trying to prey on a woman's worst fears why are so many people claiming to have seen the things that are being discussed here both around and inside them?

    I think you may need to read the posts again and this time truly look inside yourself... just a thought. i personally think they have something here

  21. I am not a member of your church - but I am COMPLETELY shocked that for a group who claims to be so holy and godlike - the "only true religion" - that you would actually continually say "freaking" and "a-hole" is obvious what you mean - and isn't a sin a sin, even if it's only in thought? and in this case you are not only "thinking" of cursing, but you are actually doing so, under a very thin veil...