Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Mistake #21 The Marriage Interview by CSL

No, not the one to get the temple recommend either. The one that seems to happen on first dates. The one that determines your date's FSP (future spouse potential). And lest either gender get upset, this is a mistake of both.

I have to give my cousin props. She went on one of these dates and hated every minute of it. Then, when the guy asked her out for a second date, she turned him down. He asked her why, and she responded "I'm just not ready to marry you. I'm glad my answers on your quiz last week were the right ones, but I don't want you to think that makes me the right one." Harsh? Yeah. But it opened up a discussion about what he should do next time he asked a girl out. And the guy thanked her at the end of the conversation.

The marriage interview functions a lot like a job interview.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
How many children do you want?
Do you dye your hair?
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
How close are you to graduating?
Do you feel okay about working outside the home after we...I have kids?"

Girls, you tend to ask these questions as well.
"How much money do you make as an (insert profession here)?
Do you pick your socks up off the floor?
Do you buy the newest gaming system right when it comes out?
Do you attend church on Superbowl Sunday?
How do you feel about watching TV at all on Sundays?"

Now, most of these questions are innocent, although, I would hold off talking about your children until you're a bit closer to being engaged. However, when fired off with little discussion between answers, the date is awkward. The party being interrogated gets scared, just like my cousin.
I once went out with a guy who insisted I answer the hair dyeing question. He told me that he wouldn't consider even dating someone who wasn't a natural red head. He thought he was narrowing down the playing field. I suppose he was right. No girl would go out with him after that got around. Doesn't get more narrow than that.

Girls talk to each other. Guys talk to each other. They will tell other people if they were quizzed on their FSP. Don't think of it as gossiping; think of it as helping a friend avoid an uncomfortable situation.

I hope all of you can find an EC as wonderful as mine!


  1. I had a roommate once whose boyfriend at the time was always asking her these questions. He practically lived in our apartment and was one of the most irritating individuals I have ever encountered in my life, and we had to listen to him constantly asking these questions for the seven months they were dating. Some examples:

    (While they have been cooking dinner in silence for ten minutes):
    "Oh, I keep forgetting to ask you this, what is your opinion on doing homework on Sundays?"

    (Same situation, different day):
    "If you were going to commit one major sin, what would it be?"
    "Well....I think it would be a sin of omission rather than a sin of comission."
    "No, it has to be a sin of commission!"
    (At this point the rest of us left.)

    Or one time the roommate had been up sick all night and was finally sleeping during the day, and he called to talk to her, and we explained that she was sleeping and wasn't feeling well, and he insisted we wake her up so he could talk to her, and when we finally got her awake and out of her room and to the phone, what he wanted to talk to her about was exactly why she was majoring in geography and what she planned on doing with that after she graduated.

  2. My roommates told me that I need to get the info right away. I mean, it makes sense that I don't want to waste time on getting my MRS with guys who don't won't be making at least 100,000 a year, who play Halo 3, and won't scrub a toilet. I'm so conflicted on this. I don't want to be annoying, but, shouldn't a girl have a right to a promise of a minimum income?

    -PSWG (perpetual singles' ward greeter)

  3. I have my own sort of quiz that I give on the first date. You know, just to save time. I kiss the boy at the end of the date. That answers a lot of questions... and fast :)

  4. I knew this was a post done by a female

  5. I had a similar quiz sprung on me once, She was very surprised when I began turning the questions back at her. I'm all for "you" finding out that the Gospel is important to me, but a dinner date should have a conversation, not a job interview, I'm just as interested in learning about you as you are about plumbing the depths of my knowledge of the Gospel.

  6. i don't even call them dates anymore.. they really are marriage interviews! one guy even asked about my teeth.. and my heritage and ancestry.. that isn't stuff that people are just curious about! this blog is hilarious, and so true.. good going, you guys!

  7. You hang out with him for the evening and you'll know who he is. Not one 'probing question' needs to be asked, believe me.