Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Grooming Station #1 Ignoring is not Adoring

Guys. It's your turn. As much as I know some of you guys enjoy the constant beratement of the phenomenon so adequately named The Single Mormon Girl, they haven't screwed up alone. A large reason why these girls stay single is because we pronounce many qualities not deserving of their time and attention. Hopefully through these posts, we can understand what they really want and finally follow through in becoming a desirable Single Mormon Boy.

Notice the Report Card above? Well, this particular guy is doing well in many important and trivial things. However, guy is performing poorly in his relationship. Having a girlfriend is the easy part, but keeping her a central figure in your life is a whole new barrel of monkeys. Most of the other activities are already innate activities that we have done day in & day out for quite some time. Girls are different, we have to acknowledge that they are a part of our lives, because just bringing them along for the ride just won't cut it. The goal is having someone we can relate to at all times and not just during moments of fun and intimacy. When we eventually get married, we're stuck with them, so we might as well involve them in aspects of our lives now. Who cares if she's not interested, because I'm sure there are a slew of activities she does that doesn't interest you. The goal is compromise and sometimes having her get involved in your interests or you getting involved in her activities help form an appreciation of differences. Having buddies are great, but we sometimes get caught up in how cool it is to have friends that the girlfriend is the afterthought. Having guy time doesn't justify ignoring the girlfriend. Include the girlfriend in your hang outs. You like her don't you? Show her. You don't have to bring her to every little thing, but if you are working late or have unexpected plans give her a quick heads up call without feeling like it's a chore. Listen up when she's talking. Usually she's dropping subtle hints that are crucial for birthdays, anniversaries, and other delightful surprises. Master the art of making her feel special and important now and you won't have to worry later. You have been groomed!


  1. This is stupid advice. I hate it. And it's wrong.

  2. Just remember that there is no World of Warcraft in heaven.

    If you have an A in WoW, you have an D, or most likely an F with the girlfriend, school and friends.

    Or you can get her addicted to WoW as well I suppose and play together, maybe.

  3. Bags, as in "Douche" Bags? Okay, I got it now.

  4. What I find...ironic?...lame?...funny? about your blog in general is that you guys seem to think women should actually care about your advice in this arena. I mean, if LDS single women truly want to make themselves more marriageable would they really think the LDS perma-bachelors had anything profitable to offer them?

    Wouldn't they who were serious seek out the advice of men who have a demonstrated capacity for actually KNOWING what a loving, successful, progressive relationship looks like by actually EXPERIENCING that for themselves, firsthand? Preferrably men who had successfully navigated themselves out of the LDS singles scene through their own happy marriage?

    Sorry, guys, but while spouting off ideas of how those poor, depressed women you're not asking out can improve themselves so they can achieve their goals of self-affirming dating (and hopefully get asked out by you if they're lucky - be still my heart!), all you're doing is coming across as petty and bitter that those women aren't making it easier for YOU to give up your individual issues that have kept YOU from getting married. And I'll bet my temple recommend you've got enough issues between you to fill up a server-full of blogs.

    What's worse is that your posted diatribes are nothing new, nothing that LDS single women haven't heard a million times in close-knit FHE groups, nights hanging out with the nearest apartment of guys, or conversations with their closest male friend of moment.

    If you're actually trying to help your "sisters," then try coming up with something relevant and true...and try talking to guys who've been successful (preferrably someone who doesn't consider "action" to be kissing at the end of a date - are we honestly still in junior high here?) before your next post. And if you're doing this just to be funny, at least post a disclaimer that any woman over the age of 23 is likely going to find most of the stuff on your blog completely passe and elementary.

    That being said...women, some of this stuff is valid. Take care of yourselves for heaven's sake! But do it for yourself and your own happiness, not for that poser, too-cool-for-school EQP in your ward who isn't worth your time anyway. Make your life what you want it to be, and do it by discovering who you are, working with your heart, might, mind and strength to become the woman you want to be, and loving yourself along the way. It's a win-win prospect!

    If anyone is interested in discussing real issues facing the LDS singles dating scene, email me at lds.dating.roundtable@gmail.com. I think there's room for REAL round-table discussion about this subject...for everyone involved.

  5. Can I just say I'm really saddened and disappointed by this topic.

    Maybe girls are single becuase they don't know how to play Warcraft?

    I've got too much going on in my life to teach a girl how to play Warcraft. Really, what kind of girls is this church producing?

    Maybe they can take some of their oh-so-precious busy lives and learn the game.

  6. Magda, you're spouting blasphemy here. Careful.

  7. Has anyone else noticed one of the surveys on the main page asks: "ANY RECENT NOOKIE/HOOKUPS?" I'm not sure who is doing this ad and why so many mormons are saying they've "gotten some" recently. Do these people not know what nookie is? or what the definition of "hooking up" with a girl means?
    This survey doesn't even make sense, because it goes from "it's been a while" (which implies they've gotten some nookie), strait to "still VL"(virgin lips).
    I've kissed plenty of girls but I'm saving the nookie for marriage.
    What happened to the good 'ol days when nookie meant what it means?

  8. You guys are seriously the most embarrassing losers I've ever heard of. You're not helping anybody because no single girl cares for your so called "advice". It's pretty pathetic, really. Why don't you spend your energy by making a real difference in the world?

  9. ok as for whats been said it is good advice that we all have lost sight of from time to time. and magna... your comment was upseting to me. are you saying that because we, as guys, are single we are not worthy of becoming EC to somebody? you are speaking as if those of us who are single will never end up being any good. who are you to tell us that? i witnessed a friend get engaged and eventually married 4-6 months before he got kicked out of the singles wards. are you saying he wouldn't have amounted to anything? many of the suggestions posted here we guys would never have the guts to say to a girl face to face or even through one of her girl friends. that is why blogs like this are so important. it allows what needs to be said to be said. and guys for goodness's sake! he's right! give up the warcrack! stop sitting in front of the computer/tv/game console and get a life! i've done a media fast in which the only thing i kept was music and im a gamer and movie addict! it was brutal! but so worth it... These guys are right... get out there and socialize... because thats the real reason mormon girls are single... it's because us guys never give them enough of a chance... who knows you might even be able to win them over to play with you sometimes... and now both sexes pay attention here my roommates girlfriend won him over because she went and was willing to play some video games with him to sucker him into being interested in who she was. and the entire time they dated (and yes they are engaged now) i saw him pick up a video game 4 times total... and that was when they weren't able to see each other. think on it guys.

  10. "i saw him pick up a video game 4 times total..." Ha! Just wait till they get married. Things will go back to how they used to be, more or less.

    However, compromise is the way to go. As much as I hate the XBOX, I don't hate my husband. And of course, he didn't introduce me to the thing until after we were married. Likewise, I hadn't introduced him to the wonderful world of Scrapbooking and making him look at every single page until after marriage either.

    Since this is a Mormon blog why don't you follow your own counsel: Put God first and all other things will fall into place, or drop out of your life.

    As for "So Irritated's" comments: How many blogs out of the millions of blogs do you think actually "help someone"? Don't take things so seriously, man. or woman, who ever you are.

  11. Intelligible and articulate social commentary on my subculture. Please tell me you are single. Email me please dvslv11@hotmail.com

  12. Deuce-

    I am most certainly NOT saying that because someone marries older, or is single, they are not worthy of being an EC, or that they have no potential to realize those blessings. I was a member of singles wards all over the country for 11 years before I got married and know, first-hand, the quality of most of the people in those wards. The friends I made there, male and female, still remain the closest people to me (since I also met my husband through a singles ward I can easily say this).

    I'm addressing the general tone and premise of this blog, which implies that these men somehow know the secret to not being single when they themselves, are in fact, single. I'm saying if LDS women want to hear suggestions for true relationship success (as we define it in LDS terms: marriage), they should talk to the men who know what it took to propel them from the state of bachelorhood to a state of happy "eternal companionship."

    Being a female member of many wards (two of which have been mentioned specifically in previous posts), and having an active and fun dating life throughout that time, gave me more experience with conversations and opinions on both side of the fence. I agree that there are tidbits of good things for women to hear on this blog.

    But I'll tell you from a female perspective, that the overall message being sent is that LDS women need to become more attractive if they want to be dating, or in other words, the girls who aren't dating are not attractive enough.

    So I'll ask you: who are you (or these guys) to tell them that? If these men REALLY believe that the obligation for improvement lies solely on the side of the women they've been talking to themselves for far too long. There are things on BOTH sides that need to be addressed. And this blog is woefully one-sided and ineffective for REAL conversation.

  13. Magda, whoever said anything about real conversation here? This is just my take on the blog, but it is just a sardonic, ironic blog that shouldn't really be taken seriously.

    It's like Seriously So Blessed, everything should be taken with a grain of salt.

  14. @Anonymous-

    Ooooh snap! You totally burned me! And so creative...

    I know you might be disappointed at hearing the news, but I must inform you that my original comment was meant to be sarcastic. I take full responsibility for not making it so dripping with sarcasm that people would assume that I think it just for guys to be able to spend 70 hours a week between their Xbox and PC, paying little or no attention to a woman and still be a good boyfriend... or even attain that status.

    You are a champion for pointing that out. Next time, grow the cojones to actually leave your name, you sissy-face-la-la-pants-bed-wetter.

  15. The main reason LDS girls are single is because LDS boys aren't asking them out! How many times have you heard a Bishop or other church leader (eg. during a CES broadcast) say ... boys ask the girls out!

    I guess if their always playing video games and "hanging out" with each other that would explain why.

    p.s. Is it really all about looks, what about whats on the inside and the desire to have an eternal marriage and be worthy of it.

  16. Sam, I agree with you that this specific blog shouldn't be taken seriously. Whether that's because the authors are complete morons or they're intentionally trying to be ironic is still up for debate. As a commenter said on a previous post, if the satire isn't delivered well enough to be received as satire, then it has failed as satire.

    What I'm really trying to point out is that there are real things to discuss that have been brought up in this blog. I don't think this blog is the place to do it, but I think if such an arena were established it would benefit those seeking real discussion.

  17. Alright, I am a single girl who is SOON TO BE a spring chicken! I think this whole thing is hilarious and is great advice that I look forward to incorporating in my after-highschool relationships. maybe I disagree with a comment here or there but this isn't my blog. I'm choosing to come on and read it so I don't expect them to feel the same as me about everything. I'll take what I can get out of it, and if all else fails it's good for a laugh. people need to relax! PROPS.

  18. Lacey: Spring Chicken? Are you preparing to barbecue yourself or what? Cause eating a spring chicken sounds delicious right now, but maybe that's because it is lunch time.

  19. Sam: while I'm happy to have appealed to your taste buds, my calling myself a "spring chicken" was a reference to a previous article on this blog where the term was used to mean "freshman." I hope the metaphor ends there though, because I'd hate to end up barbecued.

  20. Lacey: I clearly have much to atone for then if I cannot remember a term used previously on this blog.

    Yeah, I would hate for you to be barbecued as well, you seem too funny to be merit being roasted alive.

  21. I sometimes have a similar problem remembering to give attention to boyfriends. Over the years, I have learned that there is one major factor that makes a difference in how I treat boyfriends: whether or not I actually like them. If I like them, I make them a priority. If I don't like them, I tend to forget to call them and prefer hanging out with my friends.

  22. Shouldn't you ask yourself in the first place if you LIKE the guy in order for you to call him "boyfriend"? c'mon. Me, I personally don't like the word "boyfriend". It's like a person you only get to know for a short amount of time. It's like shopping for clothes and buying ONLY the namebrands you like, even though the no name clothes are far more inexpensive AND look and suit your style more. The label "boyfriend" seem to catch people's attention, BUT for that reason alone, not necessarily for the sake of encouraging him to become your potential future spouse. I mean, SURE, you could say you like so and so but if neither of you is taking it to the next level, then you're both just standing still, not really accomplishing anything. Oh back on topic, I definitely think guys are guilty of this. Well they seem to prefer "hanging out" over dating, seriously, are guys afraid to call something a "date"? If we hadn't had these nintendo games invented in the first place, all the more focus will be on us girls. Guys are just so insensitive and girls are way too sensitive, all these video games dull their senses BIG TIME.

  23. I love blog fights. More power to the blogger who write endless lines of rebuttal. We always read every line(...add sarcasm till you get it...)

  24. Re: DaisyInfluence

    Sometimes your don't realize that you don't like your boyfriend as much as you thought you originally did, when things are too far gone and he's become your boyfriend. I'm not saying this is the right way to do things. But I'm human, so it happens... more often than I'd like to admit.

  25. Yeah, and you little Peter Priesthood/EQ writers are probably homos together! Girls aren't good enough for you, so maybe you two little lovers are good enough for each other?! ha! Seriously though, you guys are funny about some things, but retarded about others. Why not make this blog about why men stay single too? If you REALLY are out to "help" give advice to single sisters, why not give it to single guys too? I'll bet you would get a better response from women AND men. Half the time, guys who are a 2, think they deserve or can get a girl who is a 10. Sorry, not going to happen. Single men and women need to understand that if THEY are a 2, then they need to date 2's and need to stop fooling themselves into thinking they can get 10s.

  26. Oh, and one more thing. I'll bet you laugh your asses off at these little fights through your comments, and you probably pride yourselves on being SO clever and SO funny that you can get people so pissed off. Well, like I said, you are funny about some things, but really, you need a little help. Why don't you ask your mommies for some tips on this little blog? Who are you anyway? Probably girls, bc most men don't know the little details about womens' grooming habits unless, like I said, they are homos. Happy Sunday!

  27. ya - if you write about one thing, you have to write about the other. it's only fair.

    ESPN had a moral obligation to start HGTV way before HGTV came to be.

    sorry, that's not the way the world works.

  28. "Probably girls, bc most men don't know the little details about womens' grooming habits unless, like I said, they are homos. Happy Sunday!"

    Poor little troll, go back to 4chan and /b/ (for those who don't know what that is, save yourself the trouble, and don't go looking)