Friday, February 27, 2009

You've Got Problems, I've Got Soultions #3

Hey Pete!
I'm sure you get an obscene amount of E-mails and other literature to read so I'll try and make this brief. I was curious of you opinion. What course of action should I take to be able to start making the mistakes you mention on your blog. I know that sounds facetious, but I'm serious. How to do start to get out of the friend zone and into the relationship zone? From observation I have come to know that there is a very fine line between being forward and being desperate. I wouldn't consider myself ugly and don't feel like I have a terrible personality. I make guy friends easy- but relationships are few and far between. I know many girls are single because they make mistakes... but what can us other lady folk do to get to the point to be able to make them?
-Just Wondering

Hey Ms. Just Wondering,
Thanks for your question. I don't get that much mail, unless you consider grammatical revisions mail. So in a roundabout way you just want to experience all the highs and lows that come with dating? I would normally say wait for the guy, but in these uncertain times, you might be waiting until the pearly gates. Well, you're thinking about making the plunge, eh? I say do it, don't be afraid to ask the guy because you're the girl. That crap is old school. Be your own woman. Here are my two suggestions.

1) Get your head in the game.

Whenever you want to start something with a friend, figure out the times when you have had the deepest feelings toward your friend. Then ask yourself these questions:
"Am I just happy with his company?"
"Am I just looking for a rebound guy?"
"Am I just looking for any guy?"
If any of these questions are answered "Yes" then you are just needy. You need other attributes to come to the forefront if you are in anyway ready to move this to the next level. Before you risk ruining a great friendship, make sure you are honest with yourself and have a genuine interest in the guy. Oftentimes after a bad breakup it's easy to feel comfort in the best friend of the opposite sex, but don't rebound on that for some random guy at a "Rock the Block" party.

2) Get ready for a possible rejection

Now after you are sure this is the action you want to take, get ready for some awkwardness. You've got to realize that he might not have the same feelings toward you. Surprise mingled with flattery is usually the initial reaction, especially if you haven't been dropping subtle hints in the past. Let his reaction marinade for a bit. Dude's going to be caught off guard so let him collect his thoughts. If his response is good, then grrrrrreat! However, if he feels differently towards you , hold off from jumping off a building. It sucks, but it's fine. It's not the end of the world, so don't let some dude be the end all to your existence. Play it cool. Showing that you can take the less than agreeable news keeps you a cool chica in his light. Your calmness now, might change his mind 24 hours later. Remember that I said might, not will.
Might is a term of uncertainty, but in this case more unfavorable than favorable.

When all is said and done, the decision is yours. What can I do? I'm just a random stranger, that doesn't care to be known. Our whole lives are made up of risks, and relationships seem to be one of the biggies. Just take it all in stride, it's just life. Besides, getting something off your chest feels so good after it's done. Just ask ARod (or ARod's new girlfriend :) Good luck with your decision and stay off the ledge...
Peter P.


  1. Many times you are in the friend zone because you put yourself there. If you want to be in the relationship zone, you have to be available for the relationship, and this entails many and great things, most still unknown. Typically people get into relationships because that is the natural course, those who date are couples, not just friends. You are friends because you weren't a couple. This does not mean that there are only three categories of the social ladder of love; friends, couples, and strangers, but you are only on rung at a time.

  2. Wow- This blog is hysterical- a friend just clued me in on it and have spent a good hour chuckling to myself in a computer lab. MUY bueno!

  3. Thanks for all your help, PP. Us girls have been getting so much advice from you, I thought it would be only fair to give some to the guys as well. I mean, what are they going to do when we are putting all of your helpful tips into practice and they are still scrapping through Dating 101. Hopefully this helps:

  4. I think you just gave some great advice, but I don't think it's the advice she was looking for. I think she's saying that in general she's the buddy. It doesn't sound like she's talking about coming clean about her feelings to a specific person, but she's having trouble getting into any relationships in the 1st place b/c she's seen as a friend not as a potential girlfriend. Maybe you should share your insights on how to get to know guys without categorizing herself as pal from the start.

  5. My advice is that in a persons world their are two ladders.
    The "Friends" latter and the "Potential" latter. A girl or guy usually in a beginning of a friendship places you on one of these latters. In which case you are assigned to forever (99% of the time).
    And you can not jump latters or move to the other. Once a 'friend' always. And if 'potential' than always on the radar.

  6. Okay old fashion I guess is out to date, but take it from me, I am a guy and if I like you! You will know! If the dude you like is too big of a puss to do anything besides just hang out don't you think you are probably wasting your time anyway???? For real though, are you gonna have to propose as well when you want to get married? Just be flirtatious and make sure you are doing all the right things. No need to corner him in the room and confess your undying love for him!

  7. P.J.C. works wonders (Prolonged Joint Contact). If you're interested in a dude, touch his elbow or knee and laugh... make sure to let it linger. Guys are suckers for that crap.

  8. Real reasons why girls are still singleFebruary 28, 2009 at 9:53 PM

    Hmmm. A blog about why Mormon girls are single? Some of this is charming and comical; but I feel that you're missing a critical angle as to why Mormon girls stay single. Some possible future posts could include (but not be limited to) the following:

    1. The Ambition Factor: Why Girls Like Boys Who Make Things Happen

    2. Winning a Halo Competition is NOT at the Top of the List of Must-have Qualities

    3. Chivalry; Does it have a pulse?

    4. Girls Like Temple-worthy Boys; They Don't Want A Project of Bringing You Back to Church

    5. Statistics--Odds Aren't Stacked in Our Favor

    6. Still Living in Your Parents' Basement After the Age of 25 is Just Not Attractive

    7. Two Words: Equally Yoked

    8. Girls Won't Settle, Because Eternity Is a Long Time

    Just some thoughts from a cute and successful woman in her early 30s who is still struggling to find someone who fits the bill.

  9. To the author: Oh, if only those needy girls realized that they don't have to have a guy to be happy... good points.


  11. Boys don't know what PJC is, as the Cow analogy tells us, most men where take affection where they can get it. They only start analyzing the crap when one of two things are occurring, one is that they fear you like them and they feel torn between being the good friend or leading you on. Or two they actually like you.
    And Fufoo, I did tell her what to do. Stay out of the friend zone. Too many girls do the every beckon call friendshipping, even when they are just friends. We women need this, we thrive on it, it is emotionally stability for us, it is how we perceive we have intimacy. Regardless of whether or not you are the pal yet, you can get out of the friend zone. The most simple way to change your status is to change the stakes of the game.

  12. Since we are talking about the names Utah Mormons give their kids, here is a great little website full of at least an hour of fun and laughs.
    I highly recommend the "Best Of" list at the top.

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  14. Too many girls are stuck in this position: always just the friend. We determine how others treat us by the way we act. Stop letting all the guys just be your friend, last minute drop by, always available, etc. Don't be the 'sister' but rather show that you are the 'date-able' type. Start by being less available for being just one of the guys in hang outs. Be more flirty. Just act the part you want to play. And most of all, stop hanging around with the girls every night watching chick flicks romanticizing that could be you. Girls that sit around on the weekends end up being 'the friend.' If you don't have dates every weekend start planning fun things to do. You can invite some guys along you are interested in but don't start asking them about who they are dating, and start the 'friend-only' talk. Have fun and enjoy your life, that's whats attractive about girls.

  15. I was in the same situation. Stupid Mormon boys totally give out the wrong signals all the time. One minute they're giving it with the 'Yeah we should totally go out for lunch this Thursday' or hand feeding you food while you drive back from an activity, but the following week they're telling you about this girl he met when he was on vacation. I told a guy that I liked him and asked if the feelings were reciprocated. Unfortunatly they weren't but what the heck. We still remain good friends. There was no awkwardness or anything. PP came back with some good advice of which I can vouch for.
    As Nike said .... Just Do It. If the feelings are mutual, great. If not, whatever. At least now you know where you stand.