I'm sure you get an obscene amount of E-mails and other literature to read so I'll try and make this brief. I was curious of you opinion. What course of action should I take to be able to start making the mistakes you mention on your blog. I know that sounds facetious, but I'm serious. How to do start to get out of the friend zone and into the relationship zone? From observation I have come to know that there is a very fine line between being forward and being desperate. I wouldn't consider myself ugly and don't feel like I have a terrible personality. I make guy friends easy- but relationships are few and far between. I know many girls are single because they make mistakes... but what can us other lady folk do to get to the point to be able to make them?
Hey Ms. Just Wondering,
Thanks for your question. I don't get that much mail, unless you consider grammatical revisions mail. So in a roundabout way you just want to experience all the highs and lows that come with dating? I would normally say wait for the guy, but in these uncertain times, you might be waiting until the pearly gates. Well, you're thinking about making the plunge, eh? I say do it, don't be afraid to ask the guy because you're the girl. That crap is old school. Be your own woman. Here are my two suggestions.
1) Get your head in the game.
Whenever you want to start something with a friend, figure out the times when you have had the deepest feelings toward your friend. Then ask yourself these questions:
"Am I just happy with his company?"
"Am I just looking for a rebound guy?"
"Am I just looking for any guy?"
If any of these questions are answered "Yes" then you are just needy. You need other attributes to come to the forefront if you are in anyway ready to move this to the next level. Before you risk ruining a great friendship, make sure you are honest with yourself and have a genuine interest in the guy. Oftentimes after a bad breakup it's easy to feel comfort in the best friend of the opposite sex, but don't rebound on him...save that for some random guy at a "Rock the Block" party.
2) Get ready for a possible rejection
Now after you are sure this is the action you want to take, get ready for some awkwardness. You've got to realize that he might not have the same feelings toward you. Surprise mingled with flattery is usually the initial reaction, especially if you haven't been dropping subtle hints in the past. Let his reaction marinade for a bit. Dude's going to be caught off guard so let him collect his thoughts. If his response is good, then grrrrrreat! However, if he feels differently towards you , hold off from jumping off a building. It sucks, but it's fine. It's not the end of the world, so don't let some dude be the end all to your existence. Play it cool. Showing that you can take the less than agreeable news keeps you a cool chica in his light. Your calmness now, might change his mind 24 hours later. Remember that I said might, not will.
Might is a term of uncertainty, but in this case more unfavorable than favorable.
When all is said and done, the decision is yours. What can I do? I'm just a random stranger, that doesn't care to be known. Our whole lives are made up of risks, and relationships seem to be one of the biggies. Just take it all in stride, it's just life. Besides, getting something off your chest feels so good after it's done. Just ask ARod (or ARod's new girlfriend :) Good luck with your decision and stay off the ledge...