Friday, February 13, 2009
Mistake #26 Parade of the Floozies by CSL
You are cordially invited to the semi-annual Parade of the Floozies.
When: First Fast Sunday of each semester
Where: The pulpit
Who: Anyone wanting to put a star next to their picture on the ward menu
What to do: Lots of make-up, big hair and fake tears
Please plan for meetings to go approximately 1 hour longer than scheduled.
Here's your script:
Hi, my name is (insert first name here). But you can all call me (insert ridiculous nickname here). I just wanted to let you all know that I am so excited to get to know all of you this semester. (Flip your hair). I just love all of you, even though I don't know you I can already tell just by the look in your eyes that I will totally love all of you. You have such special spirits and I can't wait to get to know you. (Another hair flip, please). I totally love my roommates and no matter what anyone else says, I have the best roommates ever. (Wipe a tear) And we have the best bishop in the whole entire church. He is just so inspired.
If your feeling extra spiritual, declare that you don't have words to describe your testimony, so you will sing a hymn instead.
Close your "testimony" and sit down.
So, in all honesty, most guys do enjoy watching the parade. It saves them the trouble of going through the printed menu later.
But imagine what would happen if every single girl out there stopped joining the parade. If all of you chose not to participate, it would be beneficial in so many ways.
First, we could bring the Spirit back into that meeting. Rather than testifying of roommates, we could testify of Christ. Unheard of, I know.
Second, the guys would have to work a little bit harder to figure out which girls are the easy ones. If its not waved in front of their face, maybe they would take some time to get to know girls in the ward before categorizing them as old hens and spring chickens. But its pretty easy to make the distinction during the parade.
Third, we could all get out of meetings an hour earlier. It is Fast Sunday after all, and no one likes having to listen to their stomach growl as accompaniment to the festivities.
If you really do want that star next to your picture in the ward menu, become a Cookie Floozy. That way, you can also make sure your prettier-than-you roommate eats a ton of cookies and gets fat, thus getting a big fat 'x' through her picture. Great way to take out the competition.