Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm Still On Vacation. XOXO

Hey everyone,

I am taking a short respite from the blog. No worries, I’ll be back tomorrow, but I just need to extend my 3 day weekend one more day. While I am at it, I just want to clear up a few misconceptions with a cliche 25 random things post.

1) I am fully aware that my grammar and spelling is atrocious. My blog was never meant to mirror Strunk & White’s Elements of Style. Besides, I write these posts at 2 and 3 in the morning.

2) Besides me there are 3 contributors. 2 single guys (EQP & WML) and 1 married woman (CSL). None of my contributors know each other, but I know all of them. However, they haven’t the slightest idea who they are contributing their posts to.

3) I am aware of the few articles that are floating around about this blog. However, I am pretty sure that the whole anonymity thing cancels out any notions of me wanting fame and recognition. I think I’ve garnered enough animosity that if found I would receive a slow painful death.

4) I am not a snitch, so I will not reveal any of my contributors, even if I get caught. You’ll never make me talk!

5) I apparently don’t know the difference between satire, irony, light humor, sacrilege, cynicism, blasphemy, or sarcasm. My bad. Maybe I should label the style of each one of my posts from here on out. Doubtful…

6) Contrary to popular believe, I am not gay nor am I a woman. My knowledge of “female terminology” is just my acute awareness of the female psyche. Hopefully this increases my odds of winning Jeopardy! one day.

7) I don’t hate or feel bitter toward girls; I just think you are funny.

8) Yes, I am not married, but it’s not because I am insensitive. It’s because I am overly sensitive.

9) If you don’t like to read my blog…great! However, you look silly posting a 5 paragraph statement acknowledging the reasons thereof.

10) I have better things to do with my day than write blog entries. Yes, I am gainfully employed.

11) Trying to find my location by having me click on your blog is so old school. I’ve been throwing fake IP addresses around since 2003. Try to keep up.

12) I have 422 different names emailed to me that are accused of starting this blog. Wow, a lot of you have some trust issues.

13) I don’t get offended from your comments, but it does tell me a lot about your self-righteous tendencies.

14) No matter how much you chat with me on Gmail, I am not going to slip and reveal anything telling about myself.Why are you chatting with a random guy anyway? Awkward and a little desperate.

15) The blog hasn’t changed authors, but I am trying to tinker with various ideas and ways to make this continually enjoyable.
16) If anyone wants to add advertisements for a nominal fee just email me. In the end, it’s all about the Benjamins right?

17) I receive a lot of emails suggesting that some of you are thinking about starting your own blog to counter mine. I’m still waiting and one post doesn’t count.

18) Your death threats to me are pretty dang cute. You know the idea of some RM Sister missionary looking to “knock me off” keeps me restless at night.

19) Come to think of it, I really am not sorry for the sister missionary post. I will probably revamp it and repost it soon. Email me for a copy if you just can’t wait.

20) Most visitors come from Utah, California, New York, Massachusetts, Virginia, Arizona, D.C., Idaho, Texas, and Pennsylvania.

21) The most curious cities are Provo UT, Salt Lake City UT, New York City NY, Orem UT, Midvale UT, Arlington VA, Cambridge MA, Boston MA, and Sandy UT.

22) Speaking of Cambridge and Boston. You guys have ostracized one guy in particular for starting this blog. Mr. Dave Alba, my apologies, but people in your Stake really have it in for ya.

23) For those of you looking for Seriously So Blessed you have the wrong page. It's here.

24) Thank you for finding time in your day to read my blog. I know your professors and employers have the same sentiments.

25) One day I’ll run out of crap to blog about, so enjoy it or hate it while you can.

And one more to grow on...

26) Don't take this personally and decide this blog is worth killing yourself over. I've got 99 problems but a single Mormon girl ain't one.

Your one and only...



  1. You're funny. Hope you keep this blog going for a while, cause it is very entertaining (and you have some pretty good advise too!) Will you send me the sister missionary post? I'm dying to read it!

  2. I still think it's Dave Alba. Dave give it up.

  3. "I’ve been throwing fake IP addresses around since 2003." - Marry Me.

  4. Your name is Pee Pee.

  5. Can you post a list of "signs" that a guy IS into you.

  6. well i think this blog is pretty great. some posts are more interesting than others, but that will happen with everyone, right?

    and yeah, i was in the manhattan 8th ward for a while and that post is pretty true.

  7. please don't put ads on this site! Or at least not as obnoxious as www.cakewrecks.com. I think you guys are hilarious, but when a blog is basically vomiting ads, I just can't handle it. Please spare your readers!

  8. Haha I don't know who he is but poor Dave Alba...that is pretty funny.

  9. I love #13, so true. Please post the sister missionary blog again! I e-mailed you but never got a response.!. I really want to read it, haha.

  10. Wow! This is the real Dave Alba here. I have read this blog like once and only because like three people sent it to me! Today I only read it because I heard that I was mentioned. DUDE! You are ruining my social life! Everyone thinks it's me! It's NOT! Thanks for clarifying that it wasn't, but for some reason that just solidifies that in people's minds that it is me! --- IT'S NOT DAVE ALBA! I wish I could prove that somehow! I actually think I have a hunch who it is...they are male, attended BYU (thank you strunk and white comment), like to spend time online, use phrases like "it's all about the benjamin's,...I am guessing it's Dave Marble...but could be wrong.

  11. I think you might be one of my heroes.

    Also, the BYU 65th ward is also very... fashionista-ish. At least, it was 2 years ago. Maybe they've grown up and changed since then, but I wouldn't count on it (considering the boundaries).

    Also, I knew a Dave Marble once.

  12. Wait... there are people don't like this?

  13. Ironically, as I was reading the other posts today I thought "This is totally Dave Alba." But in defense of Dave and his social life, he's actually a great guy.

  14. ah tears of joy is what I get from reading this blog. Even more come when I see peoples heated comments on how offended they are. I look forward to many more awesome posts.

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  16. Love it. Don't completely agree with everything I have read so far but it is comical. I have an issue with girls. And mormon girls. Found your blog through some article. Can't wait to read more.

  17. I'll gladly join the Crusade to Save Dave Alba's Social Life, a campaign (perfect word for Dave, no?) which began long before this blog was created. The real Dave Alba only WISHES he was as clever as you, PP. You stay classy, DA. Good luck with all the Single Mormon Ladies. I'm pulling for ya!

  18. I'll join the Save Dave Alba's Social Life campaign too! Though this is reminicent of a powerpoint at a ward talent show!

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  22. #17: I feel qualified to entertain you.