Thursday, February 26, 2009

Mistake #32 I'm Engaged! Sike.


There are few things in this world that continue me to write this blog. One is that I can't sleep at night, because all I do is think about the next post. I tried reading my scriptures, but that just makes my posts rife with sacrilege (and I know how you out there hate sacrilege...) Another reason is to ruin my mom's reputation as a sound child rearer, but my favorite reason is to keep girls from inadvertantly extinguishing themselves into premature spinsterhood.

So...why must you continue to put "Engaged" in your Facebook status while you're still happily(or unhappily) single? This is only mildly appropriate for April Fools Day and simply asinine any other day of the year. What's your reasoning...to be original? Honey, that joke has been played out more than my "cliche" postings. There really is no upside to this idea in fooling all your friends. Here are some reasons why:
  • Everyone already knows that you and your bestie are well...you know. So why throw more fuel in the fire?
  • Your friends feel like straight up idiots for believing you and subsequently commenting pleasantries on your wall. Thus, you never become a trusted friend again.
  • This is by no means a way to attract guys, but this is a perfect way to sabotage any hopes you have in dating for the next 2-6 months.
  • We all feel sorry for you that you have to compensate your lack of dating with a fake relationship. You might become a project girl with sympathy dates. Refer to the DVD Clueless that is dusting on your shelf.
Futhermore, there is another trend involving fake engagement rings. Really? Do you feel like you are such a freaking catch that you preemptively wear an engagement ring to stop all the guys from asking you out? You just had to drop the $39.00 at K-Mart for the cubic zirconium princess-cut fakie. I knew a girl 4 years ago that worked at the BYU library that followed this same practice. She was like, "Well, there are too many guys hitting on me while I am trying to work." Personally I think she had what I like to term, "trailer trash delusional hotness." You know the type that swears by Hot Topic and Sketchers, and has a tramp stamp that was part of "the foolishness of her youth." Also, not much work is involved at the front desk at the library. What is the routine again; swipe and say the due date or was it say the due date and swipe? Well, did you ever think that maybe the Lord is blessing you with this job and you should take full advantage of this opportunity? You know where she is now? Yes, she's single and living back home with her parents in Price, UT. Hmm...if I recall, isn't Price in the middle of nowhere?

34 comments:

  1. It's so true. Girls need to let go of this marriage obsession and just relax and have fun. Get your freakin' minds off of marriage, or it will never come around... at least not the right way.

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  2. this thing is like a car wreck-i can't stop watching. you are the WORST WRITER!

    "keep girls from inadvertantly extinguishing themselves into premature spinsterhood"

    are you joking? this sentence is so bad I don't even know where to start! I hope you are not betting on a book deal a la Stuff White People Like because seriously, writing is NOT one of your spiritual gifts.

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  3. Ha! You're funny. I totally did that once...wore a fake engagement ring. I got tired of the gasps and fainting when people would find out I was (brace yourself) 24 and still single!

    And I like that..."Premature spinsterhood." Really has a nice ring to it. I'll have to tuck it away and pull it out in 20 years for my daughter.

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  4. i think some people are bitter because they do that, and in turn they bag on your writing. honestly i don't write well, but i blog. whole point sista.

    oh and i love this post. SO funny. But it does work when weird guys (like phsyco ward stalker guy) come and talk to you. that is why you wear a fatty rock on your right hand and sneakly put it on the left. hahaha

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  5. Ahhhh so true! I am so sick of this one! This girl I know does it all the time, even went as far as to take and post fake engagement photos. Really honey? Ridiculous!

    And at BYU-H this girl announced over the relief society pulpit while teaching a lesson that she was engaged. Everyone was super excited for her and she told the whole story...then she said PSYCH!

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  6. i could not agree with this post more, girls who do this are lame. also girls who think they're getting hit on too much are also lame and a little full of themselves.

    if i really left a comment on how i thought the author of this blog was the "worst writer" i would just stop reading it.

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  7. True. Hey I served in Price, Utah as a missionary and wow. That place is sooo sad. My heart goes out for all those people.

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  8. "trailer trash delusional hotness" lmao

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  9. Hey. Getting asked out too much is a serious problem which stems from the fact that 90% of the guys ask out 10% of the girls. It also makes it harder to actually get in a relationship. So I'm not going to judge any girl for trying to create some room in her social calendar. Maybe I'll buy a ring myself.

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  10. This is hilarious! I didn't know this was a trend but I totally believe it!

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  11. I grew up in Price....she was probably my neighbor.

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  12. So as a return missionary I started school at Utah State and found myself in a biology lab. About a month into the semester I arrived late to class and found that the only available seat was in a row of 18 year-old freshman girls. These weren't the "mature and intellectual" type of girls they could have easily passed for a Laurel class and I'm sure I heard them discussing High School Musical 3. I sat down next to this girl who instantly turned on the "mate-date-and-procreate" mode, instantly all over me and eyeing me with that look that you know they've found some prey. She was strictly business; "Where are you from", smile, "What are you doing after class?", twirl her hair, etc, etc, etc... I was terrified and couldn't think of anything to do to get out of the situation. Just as I was about to give up all hope for an escape she looked down at my hands and instantly stopped talking, turned around in her seat and went completely cold. I looked down to see what had saved me from her advances and laughed inside of myself. In my nervousness and mental pacing I had unconciously removed my silver CTR ring and placed it on my left ring finger. Many people on my mission thought it was a wedding band and it is one of my nervous reactions to shake my ring back-and-forth on my finger, but this time it proved to be my saving grace. Thank God for CTR rings!

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  13. The person writing this stuff is just bitter because he can't get any!!!!!!

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  14. "There are few things in this world that continue me to write this blog."

    Egad, did you run this thing through a Japanese translator and back before posting it?

    Facebook relationship statuses can be a miniature three part opera in themselves. Recently I had a friend change his from "Enaged" to "it's complicated" to "single" in three days.

    It's too bad the only Relationship icon is a little heart, because a little broken heart would be more appropriate in some cases.

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  15. I love how people comment on the writer's spelling and grammar.

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  16. "90% of the guys ask out 10% of the girls"

    True story. Not going to lie, I have a fake engagement ring that I wear sometimes. I'm not being delusional- I cannot get anything done in the BYU library some days. Am I bragging? Doesn't matter, it's still true. I had might as well save the poor boys embarrassment when I tell them I'm not interested and myself some studying time that is used on small talk.

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  17. I agree with the idea that announcing a fake engagement is lame. But the fake ring idea... sometimes, you just want to work out/study/go to a dance/exist in peace. While most people delude themselves concerning their level of hottness, there are a few that actually do get asked out often... and want to save themselves the trouble.

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  18. You guys are hilarious. I am so glad I got married before the Facebook and blog era. It seems so much more complicated now!

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  19. One apartment I lived in had a fake engagement ring that was available for the use of all the occupants. I think only three roommates actively used it (myself not included; it didn't fit!). But their reasoning was that when you're engaged the guys want you more because you're "off limits." So they were doing it to attract guys. All I could ever think was that George Costanza once did the same thing on Seinfeld, and if it didn't work for him, it won't work for you, either.

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  20. Yeah about that...

    I'm going to go trash my "cubic zirconium princess-cut fakie" right now....

    Honestly I don't wear it on the left hand! usually....

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  21. Funny thing is, all the girls I know who sport the fakie, don't need to. Maybe, my pov doesn't count since I am lacking the y chromosome. However none of the aforementioned girls seemed to date much at all, and when they did, I was glad I was home alone on that date night.
    What girls need to remember is that dating isn't about us, its making the man think it is about us.

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  22. Hmm... What to say...
    First- true story. Facebook engagements are sooo played out. To the point where I don't believe a singe relationship status change until I'm told to my face... since about half of my friends do put up relationships just for the heck of it.
    Second- Hate to break it to you, but Price is not the middle of nowhere. Junior year in high school I moved 20 minutes south of Price in Emery County. Comparatively- Price is big- it has stop lights, fast food resturaunts, movie theaters, a walmart, kmart, and smiths... None of which reside in Emery County :)

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  23. Fake engagement rings. Some of you girls are unbelievable. Seriously? You have to go through all that trouble just so that guys wouldn't have to ask you out? Why? Why not just simply be upfront to the guy and say, "I'm off limits. I'm not ready, let's just be f**king friends." Me, I don't date. I have my reasons why and it's because I'm trying to focus on what I find is more important in life at the moment, which doesn't include dating at all. school, career, work. Whenever I see a hysterical and excited 18 year old declaring "I'm engaged!", I am almost always ready to barf. I'm 22 and still single but at least I'm not going to fake about my "relationship status" because as far as I know, being "In A Relationship" or "Engaged" means no jack-sh** whatsoever. I don't see why ppl have to get so worked up over an engagement declaration, is it just some motif to rub it in our faces?

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  24. This post was pretty weak, and unnecessarily rude... I totally agree with your point of view, but your delivery wasn't humorous at all...

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  25. I agree that 90% of the guys only ask out 10% of the girls. Out of 100 guys that asked me out, I was only excited/interested in 3 of them. I HATED saying no and going through the whole process of telling them nicely I wasn't interested is such a pain and it's down right annoying! Even though I never wore a fake ring, I can see why some girls do it. :)

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  26. Ok, fess up, what was the girls name that said "no" to you? That can be the only thing to explain your strange obsession with single girls. Any guy I know that has a regular dating life would not have the time or care to write about the stupid things you come up with. I'm just saying....maybe you are the one that needs to get a life.

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  27. whoever writes this blog has already stated he has a job and probably a life. but he also has a blog with over 63,000 hits in 2 months. even though people may not like what he writes it's enough to pull them in...

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  28. I like Facebook and all but it can be relationship suicide. It's great until your significant other put pictures up of him and other girls to make you jealous and want him more. I soon said no thanks to that relationship and he realized that was dumb and deleted his account. Too late sucker.
    And I only joked about wearing the fake ring because I was making fun of the other lame girls that actually did. If you don't want attention from guys than just tell them. They will appreciate it in the end and you don't look pathetic.

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  29. Hey guys, like, remember not to judge. Maybe these sweet sweet sisters are simply avid believers of "The Secret", and are merely drawing on the positive energy of the universe to create the result they want (eternal blissssssssss) via last week's Icing sale. You never, like, know. Now repeat after me: "I AM THE MASTER OF MY LIFE. I CAN THINK GOOD THOUGHTS. IF I WEAR THIS CHEAP PLASTIC SPARKLY IT WILL CAUSE MEN TO POUND DOWN MY DOOR BY THE HUNDREDS." It's totally fool-proof!

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  30. "I love how people comment on the writer's spelling and grammar."

    That wasn't even grammar I was commenting on. Grammar and spelling mistakes really don't bother me. The sentence I quoted was some sort of Bizzaro-Earth disnegative word construction. I'm a fan of this blog, but... proofreading, people. It's not hard!

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  31. If you were dating a girl would you tell her you wrote this? DEAL BREAKER! How about an entry about blog writers? If you sit at home writing long blog entries...

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  32. The only reason I would wear a fake engagement ring is if I was going somewhere far by myself and it might help throw weirdos off because they'd think I had someone who would be by my side in an instant if they did anything odd. While I'm not engaged, I do have home teachers for that purpose, but weirdos don't know that and your HTs don't give you rings. :P

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  33. i wish anonymous posters would stop being such sissies. i like this post but i believe "sike" is spelled "SYKE".

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  34. Psych!--is the correct spelling: the act or an instance of undermining someone's confidence by psychological means.

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