Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mistake #12 Third Wheel? I beg to differ...

Girls, you're guilty of this. We like you and we want to take you out, but this confuses us a bit. When we formally ask you out (no, "Let's hang out" or "I'm hungry let's eat" b.s.) we expect it to be just two of us. Now, when did you decide that a date included your dateless roommate or another friend? We hear such garbage as, "Can Barbara come along?" or "Stacy is going through a rough patch right now, do you mind?" Hell no Barbara can't come along! She can order delivery, start up a Netflix movie and call it a night. "Stacy's going through a rough patch?" "Well Stacy can go talk to the R.S. President for a couple hours, until you get back." Furthermore, being a third wheel on a date is pretty much the saddest thing to go through. A better suggestion would be to run this scenario in your head first, and if you come out with the same conclusion call the guy and decline. Let me give you a heads up what we are thinking:

1) I get it, you're not that into me, screw you I'm going home! (normal guy)
2) I'm paying for how many meals? (confused sucker)
3) I'm totally going to the most expensive restaurant in town, and take off half way through the meal. (opportunist)
3) How do I get rid of this girl? (universalist)
4) Lord, did I not repent of everything this week? (self-righteous)
5) This girl better be handicapped borderline suicidal. (sadist)
6) Well, here's another night with no action (pessimist)

Ladies, let's go over to the common sense table for a second. If for any reason you want to bring another girl along, call us first. We have resources. You know the term, "Wingman?" Well, this is the perfect opportunity to show you how it works. You got a sad girl friend, then we've probably got a desperate guy friend willing to take her out. Trust us, we always have somebody to blackmail or that needs to return a favor to us. I firmly believe in the phrase, "There is somebody for everyone," especially after some of the wedding announcements I've seen. Now on the other hand, if you're not interested, say you're not interested. Guys usually don't come with much drama and emotion, we can take it. Don't bring another mouth to feed, that just pisses us off and makes the whole night awkward. Oh, and if by some unforeseen reason this girl is actually more appealing than you are, you are totally subject to the roommate/friend switch. You pretty much have no room to speak, because you dug your own grave. I know you're smarter than this...


  1. For starters. Amen. I hate when I dragged along on one of these, I don't want to be there as a third wheel, but I'd certainly flirt with a wing man.
    But what about the guy who says "hey wanna go get some food" and he picks you up with a guy. NORMALLY I think oh this is a hang out not a date, I'm paying for my own grub, I'll call that guy back who asked me out on my voicemail, he is cute despite being awkward. Later to find out hombre uno's wing man was there to scope out my interest vibes.
    A girl can't win.

  2. While I think this post is funny, I haven't really witnessed any of it.
    maybe if guys actually asked girls out, it would be another story.

    keep up the humor, I love this blog. And I'm a non-bitter single female, imagine that.

  3. for some reason it won't let me post a comment on the "sister missionary" post but put it back, I want to read it! while I can understand why some RM sisters might get worked up (I'm a RM sister myself), this is your blog and your own opinions.

    and I'm guilty of bringing girlfriends to dates I didn't want to go to. When girls do this, yes it means they're not that into you. but yeah I do agree it was gay of me and the poor guys. they paid for my friend too.

  4. amen.. the forced third wheel has never worked.. and is a bad idea, every time.. for the love of all things good and holy.. don't do it

  5. Girls actually do this?? Haha!

    I'm sorry, guys...

  6. I had this pulled on me once. Ugh. Never again.

  7. Seriously, that had me rolling. This is some funny shiz. Keep it up!

  8. I was always one of the loser roommates who no one wanted to date. And I had bunches of roommates who invited me to activities with their boyfriends. Fortunately, I consider such things to be socially awkward and embarrassing to everyone involved, so only remember going along twice. And neither could be considered "dates." One was to Walmart (where I parted ways with them once we got inside and didn't meet up with them until it was time to go home) and the other was to watch the 4th of July fireworks (and the boyfriend's mom was coming, too, so it's not like I could have made it more awkward for them). But I think that popular, dateable girls are to blame for this. They think that us ugly girls want exactly what they have, and so they try to bring us along to try to provide that for us, when in reality all we want is a form of what they have, but with completely different people (more specifically, the ugly girl and a guy who actually wants to go out with her, not the roommate and a guy who wants to go out with the roommate). Just be glad there are enough of us who have enough sense of social decorum (not to mention shame) that we turn down these opportunities.

    By the way, "I firmly believe in the phrase, "There is somebody for everyone," especially after some of the wedding announcements I've seen," made me laugh out loud.