Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Mistake #15 Stubble Trouble
SENSITIVE SUBJECT ALERT!!!
Girls, how do I put this? Ok, running into hairy situations are not that appealing to us. I can talk all day about your legs. I get it, it's winter you're cold. You'll wear trousers and be done with it til Spring. Fine. Whatever. But your face? C'mon girls help a bro out. When we see images of thin lines above the lips across the room, we are just hoping it's a mirage. This is just a lack of not even trying to care. You're telling the world look at me and my stash. Nothing else really matters after that point. Here's a quick hair-raising experience a guy emailed me:
I had been hanging out with this one particular girl for a while... Things were moving along pretty easily and smoothly... I had noticed that there may have been some random hairs on her face but gave her the benefit of the doubt of being a human being and did everything in my power to ignore such an unfortunate hereditary disease... So, one day we finally kissed... Usually this would be an experience that could make or break a relationship... As we kissed for a minute or two I started thinking to myself, "I feel kind of badly because I should have shaved today so that I don't start chaffing this girl's face." Then, the terror set in as I made a realization, I HAD SHAVED THAT DAY!!! I was feeling HER lip whiskers on MY face! I had to do everything in my power to not puke in her face and casually and calmly end what could have turned into a great make out sesh... Since that day, I have never been able to look at her the same let alone kiss her... She actually asked me one time a few weeks later why it was that we had only kissed the once and then never again... I had to pull the sensitive card and lie to her that kissing wasn't that important to me at this point in the relationship and that I just wanted to get to know her better and let things flow... To make things worse, one day we were talking on the phone and when I asked her what she was doing she told me that she was waxing her eyebrows... Then she said that she did not know why she had just told me that... Then, testing the waters and pushing the limits a little bit, I said to her that it was fine to say that, but if she had said something like she was waxing her beard then that would be a strange thing to say to any guy... She then countered with, "oh I would never wax my face!" My heart sunk with hopelessness as I realized the utter ignorance of this poor girl...
See girls it's like you are doing this purposefully. But in your defense, dude should have seen that hot mess of a stash before the lip lock. I know that there are products out there. Even I tried this once to help out my girlfriend's sensitive skin. We don't want to know why you are getting these stashes (hereditary, PCOS, lack of estrogen, dark hair on fair skin, etc.) we just plead with you to make it gone. Some first steps would be bleaching and shaving, but that's like putting lipstick on a pig. (Insert your favorite Palin joke here.) Some better alternatives are tweezing, waxing, and dipilatory creams. However, why suffer week-in and week-out with these suggestions? Drop the coin you were planning to spend on Clinique, MAC and Mary Kay products and head over for some electrolysis or laser-hair removal. Suggestion: Ask daddy if he can help you get smooth on the face. Dads eat that crap up, and there's your coinage!