Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Mistake #15 Stubble Trouble


SENSITIVE SUBJECT ALERT!!!
Girls, how do I put this? Ok, running into hairy situations are not that appealing to us. I can talk all day about your legs. I get it, it's winter you're cold. You'll wear trousers and be done with it til Spring. Fine. Whatever. But your face? C'mon girls help a bro out. When we see images of thin lines above the lips across the room, we are just hoping it's a mirage. This is just a lack of not even trying to care. You're telling the world look at me and my stash. Nothing else really matters after that point. Here's a quick hair-raising experience a guy emailed me:

I had been hanging out with this one particular girl for a while... Things were moving along pretty easily and smoothly... I had noticed that there may have been some random hairs on her face but gave her the benefit of the doubt of being a human being and did everything in my power to ignore such an unfortunate hereditary disease... So, one day we finally kissed... Usually this would be an experience that could make or break a relationship... As we kissed for a minute or two I started thinking to myself, "I feel kind of badly because I should have shaved today so that I don't start chaffing this girl's face." Then, the terror set in as I made a realization, I HAD SHAVED THAT DAY!!! I was feeling HER lip whiskers on MY face! I had to do everything in my power to not puke in her face and casually and calmly end what could have turned into a great make out sesh... Since that day, I have never been able to look at her the same let alone kiss her... She actually asked me one time a few weeks later why it was that we had only kissed the once and then never again... I had to pull the sensitive card and lie to her that kissing wasn't that important to me at this point in the relationship and that I just wanted to get to know her better and let things flow... To make things worse, one day we were talking on the phone and when I asked her what she was doing she told me that she was waxing her eyebrows... Then she said that she did not know why she had just told me that... Then, testing the waters and pushing the limits a little bit, I said to her that it was fine to say that, but if she had said something like she was waxing her beard then that would be a strange thing to say to any guy... She then countered with, "oh I would never wax my face!" My heart sunk with hopelessness as I realized the utter ignorance of this poor girl...

See girls it's like you are doing this purposefully. But in your defense, dude should have seen that hot mess of a stash before the lip lock. I know that there are products out there. Even I tried this once to help out my girlfriend's sensitive skin. We don't want to know why you are getting these stashes (hereditary, PCOS, lack of estrogen, dark hair on fair skin, etc.) we just plead with you to make it gone. Some first steps would be bleaching and shaving, but that's like putting lipstick on a pig. (Insert your favorite Palin joke here.) Some better alternatives are tweezing, waxing, and dipilatory creams. However, why suffer week-in and week-out with these suggestions? Drop the coin you were planning to spend on Clinique, MAC and Mary Kay products and head over for some electrolysis or laser-hair removal. Suggestion: Ask daddy if he can help you get smooth on the face. Dads eat that crap up, and there's your coinage!

31 comments:

  1. I don't buy this story... This guy doesn't sound like he has kissed many chicks... Here is why the PP/EQP is making this up!!

    First of all, if you can feel her whiskers when you are kissing, then you can SEE her whiskers BEFORE you kiss. That means you kissed this girl KNOWING she's got whiskers!!! Dude, you may need to check your orientation! OR the girl was so HOTT that you didn't mind licking her whiskers yourself!! If so, why trash her? She kicked you didn't she? Bitter!!

    Second of all, I can COUNT AND NAME every girl who had whiskers that were noticeable to me in my life. Bottom line: Not that many. So, don't you think writing a whole 'guide' on whiskers for 0.005% of female population is a bit too much? Wait, I almost forgot... Your chick kicked you... Ha ha ha.. Good luck hunting!

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  2. I prayed this guy was making it up too. This is just a sick, sick image.

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  3. No kidding, how many women seriously have whiskers? gross and not that many. I don't buy the story either. He had to have noticed before he kissed her. Unless her whiskers were bleach blonde, and in that case who has bleach blonde whiskers? Either that or this guy was just as desperate as that girl and seriously just wanted to make out. ugh.

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  5. I seriously almost peed my pants reading that story. I loved every second of it. Being a little self conscious about the potential wisker factor myself, I always do what you would call the "army facial hair check". Take some paper and rub the edge up along my face and if the "wiskers" make a noise on the paper...well then I better start waxing. Proudly I admit, I havn't had to do that yet. But maybe one day when I am a grandma...if I ever become one (seeing that I'm still single).

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  6. I think even though there aren't that many girls with whiskers, there are a few that we know. and guys really do hate it, it turns them WAY off. guys like girls because we're opposite of what they are and we got what they don't got(i'm talking about body parts) and since they already have a stash, they don't want the girl to have it either! so girls! check urself! :)

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  7. amen to the girl who posted there ^^^. I knew a brazilian lady once, who ran a christian book store on mainstreet in danbury, ct, and she not only had a stache, but more than a handful of scraggly hairs hanging from her chin. I couldn't help but stare! I felt so rude! But what can you do? It's almost like she was inviting people to stare. Gotta check that mess.

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  8. Stretching for topics...January 28, 2009 at 8:01 AM

    This story is totally bogus. As has been said, I can count the women I've met with true mustache-like stubble on one hand. And, they were all over 60. Occassionally you do come across some poor girl with pale skin and dark hair. But, there is no way she's scratching anyone during a kiss. Those mustaches are only pseudo-staches. It's not whiskers, just soft, normal (though dark) hair.

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  9. I don't care if the story is bogus or not, the point is a very good one! I have been flirting with the idea of dating this super cute girl I know, for over a year now. I don't know if it's the only thing that's stopping me, but this girl has a stache, definitely visible, though blonde. I've liked her for so long, but if I ever started dating her, I'd have to figure out how to let her know that she needs to start waxing.

    Girls, this is important.

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  10. Wow. You're making single LDS girls look AWESOME

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  11. My testimony: I kissed a girl with a firm, hairy upper lip. Might as well have been kissing an unripened peach. Her "stache" was light enough that I hadn't noticed it- but it was the worst kiss in my life. I was so disgusted that I just stopped talking to her knowing there was no way I would be able to explain myself. She just assumed I was a jerk, and that I had just wanted to "hit it and quit it" even though that wasn't my intention. She's married now, so either she started shaving that sucker, or she found a guy that doesn't mind it. Can't say.

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  12. Gotta say...props to you for knowing what PCOS is.

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  13. I am a girl... and I have to agree with this article. Seriously girls... we all know a friend or two that needs the help of the upper lip situation. But it is extremely awkward to tell your friends this. So personally I am grateful that you posted this. I hope girls out there will take this to heart. If you think that girls don't have whiskers (and by whiskers we mean just excessive peach fuzz-which is not the same as male facial hair) so you aren't worrying about it then maybe you should take a closer look in the mirror. Girls... the hair is there. Take care of it.

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  14. Um, actually this is quite a problem with many girls. I often don't notice it the first few times I meet a girl in class or at church because I'm just looking at her eyes for a few moments, but once you're on a date eating dinner across from her for an hour, finer facial structures come into view -- and the presence of any fuzz above the upper lip instantly evokes a feeling of "gross!" and greatly reduces the potential for future dates. The worst part is there is no tactful way to inform them... and yet, if I told them, I might be doing them a great service if they were humble enough to listen.... Girls, do yourself a favor and get one of those magnifying mirrors. if you see any hair on your face, get rid of it!

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  15. Guys if you have any hair anywhere get rid of it. See what it's like. Gall. Ugh. It's like women are not allowed to have any hair on their bodies except on their head. and while I agree that I don't like hair on women's faces, it's just like it's so hard to be an attractive woman. We have to worry about all this crap, like oh my gosh do I have any peach fuzz on my upper lip today, because I'm so worried that peter priesthood isn't going to like me if he notices that I didn't wax my lip today and if he doesn't like me than I'm never going to get married, and if I never get married, then I might as well die because marriage is the ONLY thing I want to attain in life. OMG!

    Yeah. Right.

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  16. Doesn't anyone else find it odd that a couple of guys know SOOO much about hair removal?

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  17. So women really do have facial hair...I do! I was diagnosed with PCOS 3 years ago. It is important to me to keep up on the waxing. I wish I could afford laser, but I cannot, so I wax.

    Girls think about it...do you like kissing guys with hairy faces? NO!!!! So, open your eyes and admit you have a problem and take care of it.

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  18. This is by far my favorite post. I have had almost the exact experience and I'll tell you, it was awful! I've learned my lesson and now steer clear of the first sign of untamed facial hair.

    Girls, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, get rid of the facial hair at any cost. It's like kissing a dude and thats just plain horrible.

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  19. Oh my gosh, best post. My roommate and I call them chinnagins (hairy faced girls). We do a chinnagins check on every girl we meet. Similar to the original post I had a girlfriend who was totally hot, but had a peach fuzz blonde mustache. I asked her politely to wax it and she straightup said "NO!" and got offended. Please, for the love of God and all that is holy, ladies, WAX the upper lip.

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  20. I am baffled at some of these comments. Seriously? I mean, SUUURE it is NOT too much to ask a girl to just "wax" her face. Riiiiight. I know a girl who has this biggest problem which is why to this day, she HATES boys. She's a pretty girl nonetheless but her mom has told me that it is something she is truly embarassed about. And to hear some of these guys say "oh please shave for crying out loud!" it would be devastating to hear from a girl who suffers from it. I, for one, don't but I do feel bad for my friend to have to wax everyday. What a hassle. I guess if anyone is to put a picture to define the word "attractive" in the dictionary, it would show a hairless woman from head to her toes. And... I suppose she's a size 2 and 8 feet tall. Riiight. What would a world be like with all the men blind?

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  21. Freakin' chinnagins. My first kiss after the mission was with a hairy-upper-lipped-female. I remember seeing the 'stache before that dreadful night but only sometimes. Some days it was like, "Hi, Tom Seleck." other days it would be gone.

    Anyway, after watching Phantom of the Opera on DVD, I took a glance at her and she rape kissed me! I remember the dangly, fu manchu dancing its dance across my lip and I remember just being so terribly disgusted. I was traumatized and I am now scarred.

    Female facial hair is unacceptable.

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  22. You. are. a. douche.
    i cant believe youre seriously encouraging girls to "ask daddy for coinage" youre unbelievable.
    the reason mormon girls are single is because they are fed up with guys like you.

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  23. Whoever is writing this is absolutely rude. Trust me, I could write a blog about all of the things that men do wrong, but why make them feel bad... there is a distinct line that you all have crossed, this is not just advice anymore, its rude and it makes people feel bad.

    Time to be a little more Christ like dont ya think??
    xoxo

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  24. any excess hair before menopause is usually
    hormonal. Get a grip. I have many, many
    women in my life, and I've only seen one
    moustache and she was 65.

    I have been chafed by more porcupine quills
    on mens' faces than I care to think of.

    So yes, men, take those razors out and use
    them.

    The author of this blog, I believe, is into
    waxing himself.

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  25. Come on girls, I'm a girl and I see it. In the story it sounds like this girl trimmed it before they kissed so thats what made it rough and sick. It makes sense. I have had four friends (all under 25)with fuzz and only one i suggested waxing too because it's a touchy subject. Yes it's just another thing to take care of but it will be appreciated.

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  26. I wax people for a living. There are women who are engaged who have come in with a serious stache. A nice dude understands that you have to grow it out to wax it.

    I think your expectations for women are too high. Which is a whole other discussion on why men stay single in the church. Dudes who are on the same level as Barney Fife in the world of dating are immediately graduated to Brad Pitt status in the church if they show up to church once a month. Women then fall at their feet because we are desperate for a Temple marriage. This guy then thinks that's Don Juan looking back at him in the mirror instead of Joe Schmoe. He then thinks that he has to raise his standards for a mate to Angelina Jolie with a Temple recommend in order to get married.

    My advice to you the writer and the other men of the church who are single past the age of 28--get over yourself and pick one. You're not that hot.

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  27. Oh I could not agree more! What makes the story even better is that a group of both guys and girls at the place that I live were talking about what turns guys off--this was my number one. Even peach fuzz gives me the willeys. I know one girl in the LDS apartment complex that I live in that has tuffs of hair on her face. I read this post outloud to another guy in the computer room and I commented on how one girl here has that problem and it makes me want to vomit. He knew exactly who it was. Girls, it is very noticeable. I was set up on a blind date once and the girl was a hottie, (surprisingly from other blind dates I have been on), but she had the mustache peach fuzz going on....it was an immediate no go. I couldn't do it. I loved this post. I rate this number one!

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  28. I'll get electrolysis on my lip if you'll wax your back jack*#$!

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  29. Hey all, Linda & Torrie's Electrolysis has one of the best rates for electrolysis in the country. Most electrologists charge $30 for 15 minutes while they charge $18/15 min, $32/30 min, $47/45 min, and $57/60 min. Electrolysis is like having a bee stinging your face multiple times but guess what if you can endure beyond 10 min, the treated area becomes numb and you don't even feel the electric pulses for the rest of the time so it's possible to endure 30-60 min sessions (that also if you are desperate to have the hair gone ASAP). I did it because I had hair on my chin (im brunette and yup I also have a cyst). People were surprised when I told them about my condition cuz I was always plucking/waxing it nonstop. However the chin hair got stubblier instead and decided that was ENOUGH. I've seen a HUGE difference after 4 visits in 2 weeks of treatment, very happy with the results so far. Biggest challenge is I can't wax/pluck the area being treated. That sucked the first week I started treatment, very self-concious about that. Im sure people were like "um she's got facial hair??" but hey now it's on it's way to being gone. Right now, I barely have any chin hairs, some growing in real slow before 5th visit. (btw you don't pay for a set number of visits...sweet!) Electrolysis does remove hair permanently. It is worth the money. No pain, no gain!

    Linda & Torrie's Electrolysis and Waxing
    4646 S Highland Drive
    SLC, UT
    801) 277-0400
    or visit www.electrology.com to find an electrologist that is AEA accredited in ur area.

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  30. You backed her into a corner saying that it would be weird if she told you she was waxing her face. Of COURSE she would immediately turn and deny that... And if you felt something pokey on her face, chances are, it was hair growing back. If she's wax-savvy enough to do her eyebrows, she probably was working on the other situation.

    Not that that changes the bad experience, but have a heart - shaving's not really an option because who can lower themselves to that and risk a weird man-face when it starts growing back. Waxing your face is a MAJOR undertaking - it's expensive and extremely high maintenance and no matter what you're going to have to deal with it growing back. If the problem is really serious, electrolysis might be worth the money, but usually it's more of a fine line - if it's just a little blonde peach fuzz, is it really worth the pain and money?

    We girls have SO much to worry about BESIDES our appearances, that I'm afraid that most of the time you're going to find that girls who have taken care of EVERY issue with their appearances have taken the time out of areas of their life that probably needed the attention a lot more. Nobody's the WHOLE package.

    While you can't change whom you're attracted to, I suggest making a greater effort to be less shallow and cut people some slack.

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  31. (But also, good to know about the electrolysis. Great information, thanks!)

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