Monday, January 19, 2009

Mistake #9 Facebook Relationship Status

Ah finally, you have snagged the guy of your dreams! He is creative, witty, intelligent, strong, employed, and handsome to boot. But why is he all of a sudden pissed? Oh that's right you made him confirm that you're in a relationship with him on Facebook! Really? Did you all of a sudden have to take a little sip of the crazy juice? Here's a little dialouge of what could happen...

*Crazy: "Hey so I sent you confirmation on Facebook today."
Scared:"Oh, I haven't had the chance to check that today."
Crazy: "Well it went to you gmail account too today, and I saw that your gChat status was green all day"
Scared: "Oh ok, my bad. How was school today?"
Crazy: "Hey I'm not done yet, why don't you confirm it here on my computer?"
Scared: "Ummm..."
Crazy: "Hmm, it looks like you've already checked that email?"
Scared: "How do you already know my password?"
Crazy: "I saw it over your shoulder last week, did you read the message?"
Scared: "No, I think it was an inadvertant click, yeah I do that all the time."
Crazy: "Well I just want to make our relationship official on Facebook, Honey!"
Scared: "Why? I just want to keep this relationship between us. The whole world doesn't have to know"
Crazy: "Are you embarrassed of me?" (Crazy begins sobbing)
Scared: "No, Crazy don't cry, it's no big deal..."
Scared: Ok Crazy, I'll confirm.
Crazy: I love you!
Scared: (thinking...WTF!)

2 days later via gChat

Scared: I can't do this anymore.
Scared:(invisible mode)

Girls, just because Facebook has this function doesn't mean you have to use it. Besides you've already validated your status all through Sacrament, Sunday School, Ward Stare, FHE, and the ward talent show. Remember that duet of A Whole New World? Now, so does YouTube. Just keep it between the two of you. You're not engaged yet, and besides if this goes sour you're going to have 20 of your girlfriends asking you on Facebook if you are ok. That just blows.

*Crazy is not representative of all girls, but it's probably the majority.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. i feel it necessary to share this with the readers of this blog. i recently wrote this post on my own blog - sorry, kinda long, but well worth it.

    about two weeks ago i did the unthinkable. i changed my relationship status on this to illustrate (or "show off") that i was in a relationship. was i really? nope. never. previous to this, i have never had anything on here. no "single" status, no "it's complicated", but just blank. actually, a while ago i might have had "single" but realized how silly that was. yes silly. so silly that i recently conducted a little experiment:

    context: a relationship status remains widely accepted as a model of coolness

    objective: to understand what a relationship status means and also to prove if people are less or more "datable" if they are "in a relationship"

    design, setting, and participants: a quasi experiment (a control group) of approximately 1200 facebook friends living from berlin to huntington beach to rexburg idaho to boston mass with data being collated between December 23, 2008 to January 3, 2009.

    main outcome measures: i assessed the possible meanings of a relationship status... a more detailed description is found in the paragraph below starting with "what does a relationship status mean"

    results: no one believed that i had a "boyfriend" and people are very nosy (i have never received so many comments on a status, messages on facebook, comments on facebook, text messages, facebook chats, being approached at different social events, even PHONE CALLS of people asking "who are you dating??????"

    conclusions: i will STILL never post a relationship status on facebook...... until it is something solid. which depressingly enough, is never.

    what does a relationship status even mean? many things - it can mean you're showing off about how awes you are for having a boyfriend/girlfriend, it may mean you really love your best friend so you are "in a relationship" or "married" to them on here, or it may mean you are secretly very single but like to trick everyone into thinking you're "in a relationship" so you can add "hot" girls and make them think you're not threatening and that you aren't hitting on them (really, i know someone that did this... i will name no names) but you can still look at their profile. it can also mean you want to show people that you are taken so "don't even try". people do it for different reasons.

    what does it mean to ME? NOTHING! so why post one? what is the purpose of it? nothing - well, not for me. i don't feel the need to show off to anyone that i am (or am not) dating anyone. facebook has become an advertisement or a way of "bragging", if you will, about our lives. yes, i am guilty of it. i over-use the "status" application and tell 1200 friends about what i'm doing today, or what usc football game i get to go to, what concert i will be attending, etc etc etc.

    i predict that because of facebook and meaningless internet forms of communication, we will see each other less and less and still be the best of friends. how? because who needs to see each other when we can communicate via video chat, facebook chat, facebook photo comments - our lives are on the internet. scary. sorry, that was kind of a tangent, but still semi-relevant. also, i can actually counter argue that by saying that some people who are very close to me, that live in different states, were very confused about my "relationship status".

    so why did i do this? honestly, i think it was the lack of "meaningful" brain activity going on in my head. i have always thought relationship statuses as symbols of different things were kind of stupid, but was always too busy to really put any serious thought or "research" into it. christmas break without hundreds of pages of reading and writing papers can really make a girl go crazy. another reason why i did it: seeing the little broken hearts of "____ is now listed as single" and seeing people comment and saying "AWWWWWWWW ARE YOU OKAY!??!?!" or "omg... do we need to talk??" etc etc etc drives me crazy. and it brings us back to the question - why do people care so much and what does it even mean???

    comments, concerns, questions? please post.

  3. I agree. I think with guys, girls should never act like they like him more than he likes her. maybe match the level but never go over it. guys like a challenge, not someone who is easy to get.

    On a side note, your post was actually a true story with me except for the fact that it was my BF that was eager to announce to the whole world that he was in a relationship with me. I thought it was cute. It's ok for a guy to like the girl more than the girl likes him and for him to show that and announce it to the whole world, but not the other way around for some odd reason. :)

  4. Thank you for acknowledging that not all girls are like this.
    When will you acknowledge that maybe Mormon girls are single because the boys scare the hell outta us and are guilty of the very things you protest here and so openly find disgust with. Other than the hot girl thing, because guys have no real gauge of what girls think is hot when it isn't about themself. Not to mention there is some applicable stereotyping with movies and what men expect from a lady- face it all sphincter's work about the same, not to mention most other biological functions.

    One more note, communicate more. That might help you more than it will help us.

  5. anonymous - it's not so much a challenge guys are after, it's an equal. Nobody wants to date a 'fan.' Who wants someone to worship their every move and agree with their every whim? That just gets old, and boring. I'm all about an equal with a personality and an opinion... and since I'm always right, I will rest my case.

  6. Its the socially awkward return missionaries that scare the hell out of you. So, you sit at home and complain that there are no guys to date. While its the craziness that makes the guys go all apathetic and turn to World of Warcraft and Mario Kart.

  7. As someone who works at a computer for eight hours a day, I am grateful for all of these crazies (male AND female, mind you) who frequently change their facebook relationship status. There's something fulfilling in watching relationships begin and end abruptly via the Internet... usually over the course of a single work day. :)

  8. Megan thank you for being so honest. I must confess that I often feel satisfaction in seeing relationships end. I would like to comment and tell them "Welcome back to singlehood" but feel that the tears they are already shedding are enough.

  9. For starters, I don't sit at home and complain there are no guys to date. I laugh at all the awkward dates I have been on and avoid the guys who do the scaring. I wish I had the time to sit at home with my apathetic boy friends and play Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Rock Band, or Road to FIFA World Cup. At least then I could get some real insight to the male mind about which one of these boys I will let make the move on me. Secondly the awkward RM's are very adoring and adorable, its those older ones who I worry about and frighten me. Thirdly communicate more, it won't hurt you, and I promise, she'll open up and be less vague as well. If you like the game, pipe down, but if you want to get rid of the bull, communicate.

  10. hahahaha ward stare. that has got to be one of my favorite mormon phrases...good ole' ard stare where you can, take a cookie, get a lookie.

  11. Looks like it swings both ways... Just sayin...

  12. AMEN!!!!!!!!!! been there as the guy!

  13. I would just like to say that I'm a chick, and a GUY I was dating did this to me long BEFORE we'd even had a DTR. Unfortunately the pendulum swings both ways.

  14. that guy is a schmoo loser

  15. i wouldn't say its a bad thing as it were... But never, and i repeat NEVER, change it within the first month and make sure the other person is comfortable with it! If they're not then why would you try to make someone you care so much about feel so uncomfortable?

  16. I agree with what you are saying about the facebook statuses. Unless you are engaged, or married...leave your status alone. No one wants to watch you and your ex boyfriend break up and get back together twelve different times.

  17. Actually, I totally want to watch you and you're ex- break up and get back together twelve different times. Now THAT'S entertainment!

  18. >While its the craziness that makes the guys go all apathetic and turn to World of Warcraft and Mario Kart.

    Hell yeah! I love Mario Kart!