Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Suggestion #6 Strike when the iron is... cold? by WML

Maybe even frozen. Remember how you don't stand a chance against the spring/summer chickens? Everybody wants summer love, but summer may not be the best time to find it. If you live anywhere besides Phoenix or Southern California, you're probably up to your pretty little (or not-so-little...) hips in snow, nursing a more or less constant cold, and generally freezing your rump off.

Guess what? So are we. Wouldn't you just love to have somebody to cuddle with in this lousy chill and watch movies? So would we. I once had a bishop who was fond of saying that romance can bloom in every season, but particularly when we're hot and bothered or cold and bored. If you can't remember the last time you found a guy you liked in the former state, you might try your luck with the latter.

So here's how you work the system.

1. You do your darndest not to let yourself go uggs during the winter. Shave your legs, even though you're wearing pants (helps the attitude). Take advantage of winter fashion. Layers are great for dressing up a package that has a few more pounds than you might like. Wear attractive clothes and bright colors. No matter how much you have to drug yourself or shun your roommates, stave off the cold. When we see you looking vibrant and alive all winter you start to look pretty good, especially when the better looking girls start to let themselves go. Keep your lips from chapping and they'll look more and more inviting as the winter keeps on.

2. Make yourself abundantly available. Call and invite us over for a movie or Sunday dinner. When we shoot you down (hey, we get these calls quite often so be patient) call us a few days later. Be careful, because this can be easily overdone, but if you make your interest known we can usually be persuaded to do something that takes little effort on our part. Offer to come to the guys place for a movie. Bring a soft blanket, and we'll Febreeze the boy smell.

3. Once you snag us, you gotta hook us. Use the winter to make us realize your beautiful qualities. So when the ice melts and the spring chickens start poking their heads around, we'll know we've already found one worth roosting with all year long.

Happy hunting.


  1. this thing is ridiculous

  2. I would like to start by saying I laugh hysterically at this blog and I agree with about 99% of what you say. So please continue.

    With that said, I would like to voice my opinion and say that if #2 is how boys really think, I would prefer to stay single forever. You're not that cool. And for sure I could find someone better than a dude that expects me to offer up a homemade meal without the slightest forethought by him to pursue me. Most guys aren't that cute. Aren't that cool. And I could definitely get someone better. What makes you think you are so entitled?

    Also, I am not sure what planet you live on, but no one likes someone that is too available. Everyone wants a little bit of the chase...and a little bit of mystery.

    Furthermore, last time I checked inviting yourself to a guys house to watch a movie is called a booty call. And that is no way to keep a man.

  3. Regarding #2: if a guy "shoots down" a girl who invites him over to watch a movie, and fails to suggest an alternative night, then that means he isn't interested. Do not try again later. The ball is in his court.

  4. Oh natalie, most guys are pretty slow when it comes to hints girls drop, especially mormon guys. The more available a girl the better, let us know you're interested. I hate the chase, it gets old way too fast.
    With Mormon guys you need to drop plenty of hints.
    ...And for goodness sake keep your legs shaven, it's never attractive or even funny.

  5. sweet... bro... if you guys are so awesome and in demand why don't you reveal yourselves?

  6. Natalie: "Furthermore, last time I checked inviting yourself to a guys house to watch a movie is called a booty call. And that is no way to keep a man."

    You and I must have wildly divergent ideas of what a "booty call" is... By simply typing "define: booty call" into Google I get: "Definitions of booty call on the Web:

    * A booty call is a telephone call, other communication, or visitation made with the sole intent of engaging in sex or other forms of sexual release ..."

  7. As a quick note, I do agree a booty call is no way to keep a man, but your definition is more than a little off.

  8. Ok - you Fabreeze the couch and I'll Fabreeze my clothes...sheesh!

  9. Wow, dude, if it was satire you were going for on this blog, you failed miserably. Please see the following for a successful model: http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/. And if you actually are just this much of a hollow bastard, as many of your commenters (male and female) appear to be, then quit trying to hide behind a distancing technique, and just own up to it.