Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mistake #5 Confusing Fictional Movies with Your Non-Fiction, Non-Existant Love Life

(Take this pipe dream down off your wall, silly girl.)

Girls, dating can be rough, can't it? I mean especially when you fall in love with a guy via radio and he wants you meet you on top of the Empire State Building, all the while he resides in Seattle and you reside in Chicago. Or, finding your love in England while house swapping over Christmas Break. No, better yet, doesn't it suck when your royal responsibilities require you to sneak around Rome with a handsome stranger, but can't seal the deal because your lifestyles are worlds (and principalities) apart? Face it, your life is not "Sleepless in Seattle" it's "Gunshots in Baltimore."It's not "The Holiday" but more like "Stranded on the Runway." Nor is it "Roman Holiday" but more like "Vacationing with the Griswold's." So with that said, don't live your life like those ridiculous movies. We won't be sweeping you off to Tuscany, but we can take you to Olive Garden's "Tour of Italy." You want us to close down shop at Tiffany's and tell you to choose your favorite ring? Babe, we live in Des Moines and all we got is Zales! And just get this out of your head right now... Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, and Manolo Blahnik sound like guys that got chosen last during pick-up b-ball games. Just worry about getting married first, then you can worry the hell out of us for those insignificant purchases. I mean it's not a Nintendo Wii for crying out loud...

10 comments:

  1. Wow this is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. Way to go "P.P."!

    Take another bitter pill.

    Well, I am off to feed my cats.

    Bitter for Eternity,
    MyKelle

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  2. I think an important yet missing element of this conversation is that there are handsome guys who will sweep you off your feet in Rome or Paris or Salsa Chocolate with their smooth romantic lines, tight jeans, and often accents (or at least fake accents they picked up on their missions), yet it is important to note that these men are also the type to cry when you decide to go out with your friends and make not so funny jokes about locking you in a closet, and then the honeymoon is really over mon amour...

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  3. Dangit! I agree with another post. But I have to defend my generation who grew up on Disney movies! It's not our fault... we've been brainwashed since before we could walk. It's not so much the silly, romantic comedies we watch as adults. It's the dang Disney princess cartoons that we watched as children. If only I had known....

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  4. Unless the guy is more feminine than you what he thinks is romantic is not the same as you. I met a guy once when my car battery died and he gave my jumper cables (for no "reason" at that) and it was the sweetest thing. And really, any gift is sweet.....ANY gift.

    and if you want something, specific, communicate it. Its not the man's fault he has the emotional capacity/clairvoyance of a 101 Model Terminator.

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  5. hey! i like olive garden. im low-maintenance, in a good way.

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  6. I would LOVE for a guy to take me to Olive Garden! And as far as wedding rings go, I would never consider Tiffany's, but would be okay with Zales as long as they would make a plain, thin gold band with no rock or crystal or mounting whatsoever. I have seen a few (albeit "poor") women wearing these, and I personally think that they are far more symbolic and beautiful than any diamond or "rock." So that's what I want when I get married. And presents--something that I can use or read would be preferrable, although I wouldn't mind it if a guy gave me flowers, just so I'd know what it felt like.

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  7. I.... I love you. Thank you for enhancing the awesomeness in my life. I am a brand-new loyal fan. Possibly forever. *Grin*
    thecapitall.wordpress.com

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  8. Okay, I agree. Life is not a fairytale... but is it really too much to ask for a few romantic "Prince Charming" qualities? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not demanding the best shoes, diamonds or purses. But how about a nice dinner, a picnic in the park, etc. Something normal, but nice. Not just a fast food dinner and a movie at the cheap seats.

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  9. I expect the best. and my glass slipper fit.

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