Thursday, January 15, 2009
Mistake #6 Backscratch Fever!
Welcome to the Colonial 1st Ward(YSA) of the Mount Vernon Stake in Mount Vernon, VA (please...this could be any YSA ward.) Sacrament is just underway and we have: Opening Hymn-Check. Opening Prayer-Check. Sacrament Hymn-Check. Sacrament-Check. Backscratch time!-WTF? Ok, everyone who thinks I'm just bitter toward women-I actually like this one and look forward to this, IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME. However, single girls you are 100% guilty of this one at least 89.63% of the time (some obscure fact on Wikipedia...) But why? Why do you have to start a back rub chain gang? This looks like the type of crap that goes on in a women's prison. I know everybody likes a good back rub, but how sore and tired are you really at 10am? Long day at church already? Those heavy sacrament cups giving you kinks in the neck? It's as if that talk on "What I learned as a Beehive has set me for life" hasn't knocked you out already you need to administer that final knockout punch. You're so selfish!! You know what everyone is thinking, right? I won't generalize this time, so I'll give you a few ideas: Softball teammates, "bff's...riiiiight.", ex-cons, or friends of Lindsay & D.J. Ronson. Maybe you're thinking, "Hey if Adam sees how good I back-rub Lisa, then maybe he'll get interested in me!" Wrong. Your best case scenario is that he is daydreaming that both of you are giving him backrubs. So whatever your fancy is, whether it's "circular motions" "Shiatsu" (distracting) or the "Guess What I'm Writing on your Back Game," save it for your stuffed animals or for your future kids in the Family ward.