Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mistake #13 When the McDonald's Monopoly Game Ruins Relationships

Girls, let me get one thing straight. I don't want you 80 lbs (unless you're 4'9" and are a competitive gymnast.) I appreciate a little meat on the bones, but sometimes there needs to be an intervention...
Recently the country had it's annual McDonald's Monopoly Game Sweepstakes. It's pretty simple, collect the same colored game pieces and win a cash reward. They also have instant win pieces where, you could win food prizes such as McFlurry's or Hot Apple Pies. These contests are pretty much rigged to get people in the doors. The chance of anyone winning the big prizes are as often as Amy Winehouse actually making it through a drug rehab program. But the small prizes are as plentiful as the Freshman 15 Teletubby Girls in Helaman Halls. However, one newly formed couple had a devastating chink put in their relationship when the girl went overboard. It started off as a harmless little game.

Over gChat:
Nick "Hey honey, wanna grab lunch at Micky D's"
Cindy "Really? Why, I haven't been there since I was a kid"
Nick "Well, I just wanted to try out the new Monopoly game that's going on there."
Cindy "Ok, come pick-me up in 15?"

At McDonald's:
Nick "Well, what do you want?"
Cindy "I guess a salad and a bottled water"
Nick "You got to get at least an Extra Value Meal with a large drink to get the game pieces"
Cindy "Fine, I'll get a Grilled Chicken Extra Value Meal and a large Diet Coke"
5 mins later at the table:
Nick "Shoot, I didn't win anything...maybe next year."
Cindy "I won a soft-serve ice cream cone!" "This is kinda fun!"

And so it began. No one really put two and two together, but the girl grew up outside of Atlantic City and her mom was a former Publisher's Clearing House and Powerball addict. Next thing you know, girl has gained 13 lbs and reeked of vegetable oil and potatoes. Dude wasn't upset, just worried.

Nick "Hey babe, is everything alright?" "Can I get you, I mean...wanna go for a jog with me down to the Santa Monica Pier?
Cindy "No thanks, but can we go to Mickey D's tonight? "I just want to get some more pieces for my game board."
Nick "What! You're still playing that game!" "We went to McDonald's like 3 weeks ago!"
Cindy "I know, but I get my girlfriend to grab me something when she goes out to lunch."
Nick "This is why you're getting...
Cindy "Fat?" "Is that what you're aluding to?"
Nick "Well, you've apparently been smuggling Extra Value Meals everyday."
Cindy "Honey, that's fine I cancel it out with a Diet Coke, besides I think my weight gain is hormonal."
Nick "No, that's what larger women say when they are in denial!" "We need to end this now!" "Where is your game piece stash?"
Cindy "Why?" "I'm doing this for us."
Nick "For us?" "We've been dating for 5 weeks and half of the time you've been sneaking fries, nuggets, & Big Macs in your belly." I thought you wore my sweatshirt because you liked my smell, not because you're hiding your eating obsession." "I really care about you, but if you continue with this, it's either bulimia or losing me..."

2 weeks later...
Cindy has gained a total of 0 cash prices, 173 game pieces, 36 food prizes, 22 lbs and a "single" status on Facebook.
Girls, don't be a statistic. Learn from Cindy's mistakes and learn moderation before it's too late.


  1. "Freshman 15 Teletubby Girls in Helaman Halls"
    hahahahahahahhahaha. hilarious!!

  2. whoa, where is this coming from?! is this really such a big problem that it merits a post? if this is irony, the subtlety has gone too far!

  3. Monopoly or monoploy? I'm confused...

  4. hahaha. I played the game - online and with the little pieces. I had a collection plate on my desk at work for coworkers to drop off their 'losing' pieces. I almost won a lot of things. I was also starting to realize that I spent more money on game pieces (Big Macs aren't cheap) than I was going to win. The nice thing was that when the contest ended I was so sick of eating Big Macs, Medium Fries and a Dr. Pepper I was able to lose the weight I had gained by making smarter, more healthy choices (and working out everyday!)