Friday, January 16, 2009

Suggestion #3 Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Girls, I'm back with an oldie, but a goody. Word on the street says some of you girls are skipping bath time and other grooming habits altogether. Tsk, tsk, tsk... First and foremost, skipping showers are a no no. No matter how much you lounged around Saturday reading US Weekly, watching season-long DVD's of Friday Night Lights, and eating the crap out of some cheap dark chocolate, your sebaceous glands are still getting a workout. You don't think you stink, of course you don't. You can't smell yourself, but you're still funky. Here's a couple of suggestions: Soap is fun, use it daily. Shampoo is essential, because we don't like rubbing our hands through oil slicks. Don't tell me that not shampooing for a couple of days is good for the hair. Smell you roommates hair after day one, I promise you'll immediately regret that decision. Deodorant with anti-perspirant's are pretty much golden! If you are sensitive, I've seen natural brands out there. Wash your clothes!!! Masking your dirty clothes with body sprays is sick nasty! It's just like Febreezing the bathroom after "powdering your nose." Walk out and walk back in, now breathe. Still smells like crap, doesn't it. So before you knock on us for being, "stinky sweaty puppies," check yourself, because you probably already wrecked yourself.


  1. Oh man this is important. I can't tell you how many girls in Utah (not just utahns, lots of cali babes) have stinky hair syndrome. I truly believe that 9/10 guys are cleaner than girls.

    I believe "girls are cleaner than guys" is the greatest myth perpetuated through our generation (Anyone who has seen or smelled a girls bathroom in Raintree or Belmont knows this is true). I'm entering my 27th year of life, and 99% of the guys I have lived with over the years have showered daily or at least every other day.

    On the other hand, I'm learning that there is a large majority of girls who go 3, 4, 5 days or more with out a FULL shower. Just getting in and letting hot water run over your body doesn't count. That stinky rat pelt you call your hair might "look great on day 5" but it smells like my gym shorts after a serious gym sesh.

    Here is the big kicker that set me onto this realization: I learned from a number of girls that popping some baby powder in your hair is a great way to absorb some grease and control the odor on day 2+ with no shower.

    HOLY CRAP CAN I TELL YOU HOW GROSS THIS IS? What if guys told you they don't wash their crotch, they just spray the newest flavor of Axe down there? Pretty nasty huh? Now consider that hair is one of the first places our hands go when delicious time happens between boys and girls.

    LADIES, if you want us to put a ring on it, make sure it won't slide right back off cause that little piggy hasn't had her bath.

  2. "Clean in Provo" is equally as hilarious as the post... nailed it.

    Though, I think a good question to ask is...for the relationships that DO unfold where the girl reeks of BO, with whom should one be more appalled: smelly girl or dude with no olfactory senses?

  3. Man, you guys are freakin hilarious...thanks for the laugh!

  4. So, my friends and I moved into a BYU singles ward a couple of years ago and decided to play a little game with everyone we met. It's called, the "Hot Seat". When a new group of people would come over to introduce themselves, we would throw them in the hot seat and start asking questions. You HAVE to answer or you get to leave. One of our favorite questions was, "How often do you shower?" Seriously, most girls down on that side of campus apparently shower only once or twice a week. We'd say "gross" and they'd give the usual excuse, "Um, like it's totally better for our hair..." Yeah, stinky head. That's still gross. Luckily, I got that spring chicken or whatever (fresh outta high school) that showers every day. woohoo. I tell ya, I was getting worried there, but I lucked out and my wife smells great (VS heavenly kind of great.)

  5. Ladies, I think that we need a counter blog. We should call our blog, "Why do Mormon men still think that chauvinism is OK?" This blog is nothing more than antiquated ideas of false gender norms. The men that write this blog promote ideas that women need to dress and act to please men, but the Mormon men are not putting in the same effort themselves. Mormon men think they can dictate fashion, hygiene, and dating standards to Mormon women while they continue to sport potbellies and shining bald heads.

  6. @ Anonymous

    I would like to see a counter blog, I think it would be fun. BUT in dealing with this issue specifically, I feel totally justified in my comments. I shower daily. I use deodorant. I wash my clothes. In short, my hair doesn't smell like a sewer.

    If expecting the same out of a potential mate is considered "antiquated" or "chauvinistic" then I will gladly be both of those. I don't expect anything out of a woman that I'm not willing to do myself.

  7. I like this blog, and find its hyperbole and humor refreshing and sometimes even subtly poignant. But this post? Ridiculous.

  8. After reading this blog, the only thing I can say is...I am SO GLAD I am married and don't have to date anymore!

    I think everything said on this blog is very stereotypical. If you are out there dating girls/guys like "this" and are entering into your 27th year of life (aka "clean in provo") and are not married or in a marriage bound relationship....then maybe the issues lie within you?!? There are plenty of quality girls/guys that are LDS, outside of your singles ward...outside of BYU, and hey guess what, even OUTSIDE OF PROVO!

    So while there may be a small percentage that "fit" these blog posts (and yes I am a girl and yes I can agree that there are some girls that do fit the posts)....there is still a bigger percentage that don't.

    So go out, expand your someone of the opposite sex that is not in your Sunday school class, or your neighbor, or someone you go to school with. You may be pleasently surprised!!!

  9. Can't really do much about the balding...

  10. Seriously- I was laughing so hard when I read this- yes I am a girl, and yes I am married- but even though most of us are clean and clean ourselves everyday- I do know several that don't! good luck to all of you out there- it sounds like you need it!

  11. I know a guy who doesn't wash his hair for the sake of the environment. Once he left a huge grease smudge on the inside of my passenger window. Sick.

  12. ugh I am so glad I am no longer attending church especially single wards. I completely agree with anonymous, with this antiquated chauvinistic blog, and their ideas on what women should be or do or whatever. Get over yourself. Look at yourself and why you don't have a girlfriend or aren't married, it isn't just about the women in the ward or your school or your neighbors or whatever, and if this is how you act on a day to day basis, all stuck up and better than women, then I can see why you are single. Women aren't around just to please you. We don't exist just for your pleasure. And we don't spend our whole day and time worrying about getting dates or when were or who we're going to marry, our lives aren't focused on you. We have lives. We have other things that we worry about and do, we aren't always focused on pleasing you. So get over it.

  13. Despite Mormon tendancy to try and not call the BS of the no-longer-Mormon in hopes that he or she might not be offended and further distance themselves from the church, I'll go ahead and reply.

    Virtually all, and in my experience, ALL communication the Mormon male recieves about any Mormon female is they are beautiful daughters of God that can do no wrong. I think the Mormon female receives similar communication about themselves. This has led to a feeling amongst the sisters that the LDS community owes them a spouse. If they do not find said spouse, it is clearly the fault of the Mormon male for not fulfilling their duties.

    I firmly disagree with this belief and don't feel that any LDS woman is owed a spouse. Oftentimes, women actually have to try (and on occassion change) to attract the opposite sex.

    If presenting yourself as more attractive to a significant portion of the opposite sex does not appeal to you, I sincerely hope you find a community to interact with that has similar ideals. The rest of us who believe in working and improving all aspects of our lives will continue to be honest with ourselves and give honest opinions and feedback where we feel it may help.

    And using humor certainly makes giving and receiving the advice a little more bearable and for all parties involved.

  14. ok for those of you out there... I have to agree with this post. In my line of work i hardly get to shower. (Pure laziness mostly) But if i am going out with friends that evening... I'll let you guess what i do. You got it! I shower before i leave. My work pisses people off to no end (i ticket people) and so i don't care if they have to deal with my BO. But if im off being social... ya i make sure im clean...

  15. I live up next to the BYU-I campus and must say that this lack of cleanliness is an issue up here in Idaho too. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to grab a Redbox DVD and been bombarded with the smell of BO, Ben&Jerry's, and cheap perfume obviously coming from the pack of greasy haired girls all wearing some form of BYU-I sweatpants and UGG boots.

    I know I miss a shower every now and again, but I never go more 48 hrs without one. I know it may seem crazy for a girl to say but I'm not interested in dating anyone - I have my hands full with work and school. But I haven't given up on myself because I don't go to dinner and a movie on Friday nights. I still wear jeans, makeup and do my hair before leaving the house - even if I am just grabbing a bottle of coke and a DVD at the grocery store.

  16. I am so glad the BYU 100 Hour Board directed me here! While I don't agree with everything I've read tonight, honestly I have to say that I COMPLETELY agree with the cleanliness posting. As a single female who is overweight, with plain features and bad skin, I feel that being clean is the one thing I DO have going for me. It is the one thing about myself that I have complete control over. There are so many girls who truly don't get it! My rules are that showering/bathing (whichever you prefer, as long as you are actually doing one of them) must occur at least once every twenty-four hour period and must be accompanied by a thorough hair washing and followed by applying a thorough layer of antiperspirant/deodorant to the armpits. And depending upon what time of day you do these things, you may need to do them more. Say you shower/bathe in the morning and wash your hair and put on your deodorant. Then you're good for the day. However, if you are one of those night-before people, that is fine, as long as you realize that you must put on twice as much deodorant. Once directly after your shower/bath (to protect you against all the night sweating since you just washed off the previous day's deodorant), and then again in the morning to make sure you're good for the rest of the day. I know so many people who shower/bathe at night and then go to bed, and either skip the post-shower/bath deodorant or skip the morning deodorant. Yeah, unless you like smelling like b.o., this is not recommended. And as far as hair goes, well mine happens to completely grease over after twenty-four hours, so the "it's-good-for-my-hair" thing has never worked for me. If, however, for whatever reason I don't wash my hair one particular day, like I was in a lazy funk or I slept in and had to rush straight to work and just threw a headband over the grease or something, well the next time I do wash my hair, I have to do it twice. Because I've essentially gone two days without doing it, so I must wash it for each of those days. If I don't, there is still some greasy residue. And as far as socks and underwear go, once they actually physically leave the body, they should not under any circumstances be put back onto the body until after they have been through the laundry. The only exception to this I can think of is maybe if they were completely clean and you put them on, but right away had to take them back off temporarily because something was inside-out or something like that. But I mean, once those dirty, slimy socks come off, they need to go directly into the dirty clothes. Unless of course you enjoy athlete's foot. And offending people with your foot odor.

  17. Oh yes, another bunch of b.s. about women
    vs. men. Look at the bottom dollar line
    on how much money is spent by women on
    just this. Then compare it to men. Seriously. I live with 3 men who are all
    very clean but it's under my direction. A woman. go figure. This is so ridiculous.

  18. this website is hilarious. lots of it is true, but why aren't we making fun of GUYS? they are the ones who suck. Maybe you should stop saying how hard it is to find a normal girl, and start talking about how the guys need to step it up, and actually take us out on fun and planned dates!