Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mistake #4 The Twilight Series


First off, I want to congratulate Stephenie Meyer on her success. As a BYU alum myself, I'm pretty impressed with her new-found popularity. Steph, I know hiding this fascination was probably difficult to keep from your boyfriend until you got married. The teenage dramas between "Bella" and Edward are probably spot on for pre-pubescent imaginations, which is where this book should begin and end. When I hear 20-somethings so enthralled with the books that some host Vampire Book Clubs, I seriously question how we could possibly take these girls seriously. You see this book is about vampires. Vampires! I mean really ladies? When I think about vampires, I envision Count Chocula of chocolate cereal fame and Count von Count from that hit tv show, "Sesame Street." Did I hear rumor about a "sparkling" vampire in these books too? I know the Harry Potter mania has left a void in some of your lives, but seriously when I ask a girl what type of books she's interested in, vampires shouldn't ever trickle into conversation. Lie to me, we lie to you. Wikipedia George Eliot, any of the Brontë sisters, or even (this is difficult for me) Jane Austen, but don't tell me you stayed up all last night reading how Edward sucked out the venom from "Bella" when James bit her hand. You instantly become blacklisted during Elders Quorum the following Sunday. Just think sometimes, that's all.

24 comments:

  1. So my question is when is your wedding date Mr. Why Mormon Girls Stay Single. I am a happily married woman of 13 years and my husband has found that Twilight has nicely enhanced our relationship.

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  2. I hate to say this, but I agree with you on this one.
    Women love Twilight because they're ignorant and don't know any better books. It's usually the first series of books a lot of women have read, so they think it's the best one out there.

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  3. I'm a 32 year old woman.

    I cannot take seriously any woman who loves the Twilight series like it's her long lost love.

    It's no wonder that the men are both flummoxed and completely turned off by the phenomenon. The whole thing is bizarre.

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  4. You are all buttholes for being so judgemental. Get over yourselves.

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  5. hahahaha how do you know so much about twilight for suggesting that it should end after puberty?

    i actually love the Twilight series. i read other books also which are generally not in the "teenage drama romance" section but i just like books. im not ashamed. embaressed? maybe but no, not ashamed. it doesn't define who i am.

    this site is HILARIOUS and amazing by the way. i love it.

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  6. Why not post your real identities? Scared?

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  7. You have to think laterally and not be too short-sighted. Vampire romance - all that longing and seduction and all things thrall. This can only lead to more making out. Don't be dissing on the fanged folk.

    Having said that, Twilight is not literature and I will squash the next pubescent 30-year-old who tells me it is. Yes, yes, Edward is hot, but this does not make the writing good.

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  8. this is where i disagree with you... I have a friend who loves these books and they are not even close to the first ones that she has read in fact i know a few girls under that category. She loves literature and is a great fan of them. You guessed it! She has never been blacklisted from an elder's quorum. You need to stop trying to force females to conform to how you believe that they should act and accept and even encourage the differences that each of the wonderful sisters have. I agree with Jenny when i ask you when your wedding date is. cause if all this works soooo well why are you single? I prefer to get to know the women i date BEFORE i date them therefore I have to be their friend first and foremost. I have many female friends who come to me asking for advice in everything from what they should get for a pet to what they should do so that they can get noticed by their crush. and hey with any stroke of luck after my mission i'll have set myself up to be noticed. Also one more thing. The style of close mindedness yopu have as well as the slightly immoral values that you seem to have leads me to believe that you are one of the self rightous Utahites. have a nice day.

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  9. Eeks, how embarrasing for for the first girl.

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  10. Fellas, it's time we concede that Edward is every girls dream.

    Let's list his qualities:

    1. Superhuman strength - the ultimate "protector"

    2. Has the desire to suck people's blood - the ultimate "bad boy"

    3. Fights his desire to suck people's blood - the ultimate "bad boy with a big heart"

    4. Has been alive for a hundred years and has read every book, and mastered every talent (piano playing, etc.) - the ultimate "smart and talented guy"

    5. Exceptionally gorgeous - the ultimate "hot guy"

    6. Desires Bella and only Bella (despite the fact that, considering his above qualities, he could probably have any girl he wants) - the ultimate "he loves me and only me!" guy

    7. Lastly and probably most importantly, despite his own passionate desires, refuses to have sex with Bella even AFTER they're married - the ultimate "he cares about me and doesn't objectify me" guy

    Yes, my wife has read the Twilight series (that's where I got the above info) and despite her assurances otherwise, I am sure she wishes I was a little more "Edward" - I mean I don't have super human strength, I don't drink blood, I sort-of play a few chords on the guitar, I'm not handsome enough to be in magazines, and suffice it to say I don't necessarily 'refuse' her on an even semi-regular basis.

    So yeah, it's not so easy competing with a perfect (for heaven sakes, fictional!) ghost of a novel character. And Jenny really, this book has strengthened your marriage? Really? I'm on my way to create a "twilight is pornography for women and they shouldn't read it" group on facebook right now......

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  11. I just want to make sure this goes both ways. You won't blame girls if they blacklist a guy who loves to play final fantasy or halo, right? You find it sick that girls enjoy reading about vampires? Well, we girls find it sick that you enjoy shooting people in a bloody game and trying to get to the next level in a fantasy game. At least Twilight is uplifting.

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  12. ... as is halo... HEY! its a great stress reliever! lol jk i can see your point and i agree if we can blacklist specific sisters because of there tastes in literature and/or the arts/games/ heck i could go on and on if i wanted. needless to say i play a tabletop pen and paper game involving our imagination and dice and i play that with a friend of mine as well as a friend of hers and a married couple we all know. so shove it everybody! if we want to flaunt to everyone we know how nerdy/geeky we are thats our right without fear we're going to be ridiculed! this is no stupid fraternity that we're members of but a wonderful church that doesn't blacklist anybody for any reason including those that don't want to hear our uplifting message of hope. if this is how we treat fellow members im not surprised only half of all the referrals that the missionaries get don't continue to learn about the gospel

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  13. Gotta say, I really hate the way that Ms. Meyer has ruined the Vampire genre.

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  14. God bless the writer of this blog. I am so tired of the fictional view or romance and how life works "women" are getting from this book series. I cannot respect a woman who so loves these books because they come off to me as a 14 year old...

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  15. Oh people, grow up. Twilight is just an "trend" these days. Star Wars was one, Lord of the Rings, and of course we can't forget Harry Potter. I've never read any of the Twilight books so I can't exactly say it sucks but I've seen the movie and so far, it does pass for a romance teen flick and less of the gruesome bloody fight stuff. And that's about it. I still don't see what's all the hype about but I'm sure it'll fade in years time so really, there's no need to complain. It's just a fad. Besides, the guy who plays Edward in the movie wasn't so hot.

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  16. Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her “Edward”. I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her “Twilight” book. She was talking about a fictional vampire....

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  17. Why, why, why do people take this so seriously? Take it with a grain of salt, laugh, and enjoy it!

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  18. I have never looked further into the Twilight book or movie than here.
    Amen.

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  19. Dude, you just busted out some facts from the books. First off, is that really from the book (sucking venom and all that)? And second, how exactly did you know that? 'splain.

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  20. Chris... let me give you some links...

    http://devilspanties.keenspot.com/d/20081103.html
    http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/d/20080505.html
    http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/d/20080915.html
    http://psa.blastmagazine.com/2008/08/16/twilight-sucks-and-not-in-a-good-way/

    IMPORTANT Read if you read none of my other links-> http://psa.blastmagazine.com/2008/08/23/twilight-a-follow-up-and-a-promise/

    Twilight is a blight, portrays an abusive misogynist relationship with a vapid poorly defined characters with no chemistry. You know what I'd be if I showed up at a girl's window to stare at her while she sleeps? Yeah, it's not an amazing "he loves me so much and I'm so in love with him" answer... It's closer to a 911 call and a restraining order.

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  21. thank you, twilight is disgusting. i posted about it once and i got one girl that commented saying she begged to differ and couldnt wait to see the movie. all respect i had for her was instantly gone. and btw random anonymous girl, i love playing games w/my hubby that my be deemed violent. get over it.

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  22. K---so this is the first time I've been on your site and its HILARIOUS!!! But what's cracking me up more then the posts are the comments you're getting. Some people out there are really getting fired up over your posts! I'm 30, been married for almost 11 years and my husband watched Twilight on a flight last week even though I had begged him not to. You see, I love the books, love the movie but knew that he would think less of me if he knew the details of it. I was right, he came home laughing and mocking! You see I know just how silly the whole thing is, and I'll admit it but I love it anyways! I guess its a good thing that I'm married! Hahahaha!

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  23. I agree with Julie. I like the books, I've read other books before believe it or not (GASP!) But I know they're stupid and silly. I went to the movie and laughed at least 5 times out loud at parts that were not meant to be laughed at. But who cares. I think they're fun! That's not to say I don't like a plethora of other things as well.

    My sister has the coolest husband ever but he likes WWF or WWE wrestling (TOTALLY LAME) Does that make me loose all my respect for him? Definitely not. Sure I joke about how stupid I think it is, but if he likes it, he likes it, and who am I to sit here and say it's so stupid.

    I don't know I guess I'm saying that people like different things and YES girls take it overboard with Twilight (and I would advise all of you crazies to take it down a notch or seventy) But if you're bugged by what this guy is sharing then don't read his site. And you acting all dumb and bitter just makes him think you're sillier.

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  24. oh read this!!!!!!!!http://hayleybugs.blogspot.com/2009/06/edward-cullen.html

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